Can others tell you have Asperger's?

Post Reply New Topic

I do not have an official AS diagnosis. Even so, people definitely know that *something* is "different" about me, and this has been the case pretty much all my life. When I was in preschool, my teacher remarked to my parents that I should be evaluated for learning disabilities as I was withdrawing from the other children, not joining in their play, and generally avoiding joining in classroom activities. She also noted that I tended to space out, I couldn't figure out how to hold a pencil, crayon, or anything used for writing and drawing, and I was afraid to try pretty much everything on the playground. This was back in the mid-eighties, some years before AS was added to the DSM. I was evaluated, and it was noted that I had very uneven skills. In some areas, such as verbal ability, I was significantly above age level, in others, such as motor skills, I showed significant delays. It was also noted that I struggled with some tasks that "should" have been easy, and completed some tasks that should have been difficult without a problem.
I was eventually diagnosed with ADHD-Inattentive type, dyspraxia, and it was noted that I had significant difficulties with organization and visual processing. It was also noted that I had significant social difficulties. Once, as an adult, I was grilling my parents about what they were told way back when, trying to understand myself better, my Dad let it slip that one evaluator had predicted that my social difficulties were likely to become increasingly apparent as I got older, and my differences were likely to become more obvious. Various other things were noted about me, but not attributed to any particular label, such as the fact that I had gravitational insecurity, and that my vestibular sense was quite oversensitive. It was also noted, in fifth grade, that my VIQ was 52 points higher than my PIQ. My evaluator was mystified, and told my parents he had never seen anything like that. In any case, I was declassified from all special services in 1993, because I was about to enter junior high, and I was coping reasonably well academically, so it was decided that the easiest course of action was to terminate my IEP. Of course, this was a year before AS was added to the DSM.
It was also noted by a friend I've had since I was very young that I have always been obsessed with one thing or another for as long as she's known me, be said obsession a particular book, movie, fictional character, or song. I was bullied pretty relentlessly by my peers for years, so they clearly picked up on my differences. Once my IEP was terminated, and I entered junior high, the bullying actually escalated.
This is getting ridiculously long, so I'll skip ahead to my adulthood. A friend of mine who worked as a teaching assistant in a school for children with autism for a year remarked that there was one girl in the program who reminded her a lot of me. At that time, I had seen a lot of negative press on autism, and had read virtually nothing written by individuals on the spectrum. Thus, I had a very different view of people on the spectrum at the time, and I was a bit offended. She must have seen something in my face, because she suddenly said, "I'm not saying you're autistic, C!" When I questioned her further, trying to find out exactly what it was about this girl that reminded her of me, she got all awkward, and changed the subject.
I spent a couple of years working as a teaching assistant at a self-contained preschool for children with significant global delays, and/ or autism spectrum disorders. Once, when I was conversing with one of the teachers there, and we were talking about our reasons for choosing that particular field, she asked if I had been in Special Ed classes myself as a child. I had said nothing to indicate that, and in fact I wasn't. I was in resource room through elementary school, but never in self contained classes.
I have also been in therapy for a number of years, due to my difficulties with anxiety and depression. The center I go to is one that operates on a sliding scale, and there is a lot of turnover. Thus, I have been through several therapists. One therapist I had, who I will refer to as A referred me to a group for people who had significant social difficulties. The therapist leading the group, who I will refer to as P, had done a great deal of work with people who have ASDs. At one point, A hinted at something P had told her when discussing me, and I didn't get the hint. She told me that P said I had been talking about AS to the group. I had no recollection of talking about AS to the group and told her so. I eventually stopped going to the group because my schedule of classes got in the way, and I eventually resigned her position at this center. I switched to another therapist I'll call B, and she went over my file with me. She showed me the list of unofficial diagnoses, and I saw "Asperger's Disorder" listed there. I knew that A was a psychotherapist, not a psychologist, or psychiatrist, and she probably didn't know much about ASDs. At that time, my Mom had me convinced that I was too articulate, imaginative and funny to possibly be on the spectrum. I told B there must have been a misunderstanding, because I couldn't *possibly* have AS. How misguided I was. In any case, that was crossed off the list. I have since told B, who I am still working with that I realize now that I do, in fact have quite a number of significant AS traits. When I say this, she just nods, and makes no other comment. I have no idea what my list of unofficial diagnoses says now. For all I know, I might be unofficially diagnosed again, though I have not been through any formal evaluations.
Additionally, based on comments by other people, the way I tend to be treated, and the fact that I have failed to make expected advancements at my current job, people definitely see me as odd, and somewhat "off."
So, in short (ha) YES.

Last edited by OuterBoroughGirl on 07 Feb 2010, 9:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

Most people can't tell I have it (The dog dog rscentualy anounce it on itsown) but most people who I talk to when the subject comes up say

"Wow You would never know it by looking at you, I couldn't even tell you have it," Do I look like I am on the autism spectrum?

I think what throws most people off is my voice. My voice sounds completly normal. don't tend to have a monotone voice all that often though it does happen from time to time.

I find it really funny that most people tell that to me when I am not even looking at them and am not even pretending to make eye contact by looking at thier forhead or face. I tend to look at people earings when pretending to make eye contact. Ilike to look at peoples jewlery see if I see any symbol I reognize.

the one big thing with my voice is at times I tend to talk really quiet to really loud or it fluctuates between the two. My tone doesnt always match me emotions either nor does my face.

I have been told I sometimes have a flat or blunted affect too.

People don't realize it till they get to know me and see my little odd routines and such.

though most people tend to notice my autism when i am VERY excited or having a meltdown, but then I geuss that makes scence.

I have a few friends with AS and I can tell in some of them but some you need to get to know first..

I can tell often, but it's not a "slam-dunk" by any means. One of the women at work seems to be very aspieish in many traits and anti-aspieish in others so she's in the maybe zone, her son on the other hand I think is on the spectrum. I also tend to see a first impression as a starting point rather than a chiseled in stone, so people are a work in progress not a finished product. Most of us here don't think of being on the spectrum as something "wrong" just like we don't think of being black as something wrong. Everybody has a set of abilities, super-abilities and disabilities and can all make contributions and accommodations. I actively work on being more socially appropriate, interactive and being less mentally rigid.

Well now, other than poor eye contact, I don't fit any of those (at least not to be noticeable to a casual observer) and I know two other people I'm virtually certain are Aspies and they wouldn't show any of those overt signs, either. But don't make the mistake of getting them started talking about their obsessive interests, unless your schedule is clear...

My facial expressions are probably not quite as animated as most, mainly because I'm often lost in thought, rather than engaged in social interaction, but 'empty' and 'robotic' is just insulting. If I smile at inappropriate things its because I enjoy shaking up the status quo, not because I don't know any better. Shocking uptight people is one of my greatest sources of amusement. And while I'm certainly far from graceful, I am by no means stiff or rigid. As for monotone voice and reciting information like a textbook, I made my living for three decades as a professional broadcaster and copywriter and the two people referenced above were both in the same profession. Monotone delivery (unless you're Stephen Wright) only goes so far in comedy, which of course, Aspies aren't supposed to be able to get, either. Again, much of the DSM criteria is written to detect AS in children, and may not be so obvious in adults who have had years to learn unconscious coping mechanisms.

IMO Those visual tells are rather extreme. The real giveaways are behavioral. The two people referred to as having (apparently) identified the OP as Aspergian both seem to have come to that conclusion after repeated observation, not just walked up and said "Hey, I saw you from across the room - you have Autism, don't you?"

But to address the original question, of course someone trained as a Mental Health professional, especially with experience in ASDs in particular, would be able to pick up on autistic behaviors and reactions - that's kind of their JOB.

And, as I have often pointed out to the newly diagnosed who (as I did at first) like to refer to their AS as a 'mild case'...no matter how well you think you've been fitting in and passing for one of the masses all these years...they know you're not one of them. Your mask is not nearly as undetectable as you think it is. Which brings us back to Daniel's list...

Thanks so much for all of the replies..I really loved reading them! I am still not sure if I have AS or if I am just socially awkward and maybe have some type of anxiety disorder. I do know that on this forum I have seen people mention they don't grasp things that fast and that is totally me. Someone can tell me to do something and for whatever reason, I don't usually understand directions the first time they are told to me. I have to repeat it back to the person to confirm I heard it right or ask them to repeat directions over. Sometimes I will pretend I heard correctly and try my best but in the end have to go ask for help anyway. This is extremely embarrassing as I am 25 years old, too old to be acting this way, and it causes people at my job to look at me funny. I often feel like a complete dumba$$ (for lack of better word) and I hate that I can't grasp things as fast as others. If this sounds weird I am sorry...but it makes me feel less alone to know that others have experienced this and know how it feels.

Also, I noticed a lot of people talking about their childhoods and how they were "different". I was a very, very odd child. Sometimes my cousins would come to play with me, but mostly I preferred to play alone and I could spend hours by myself making up stories and getting absorbed in playing with my toys or reading. To this day, I am still always by myself and I prefer it that way, although I wish so bad I could be more normal and want the company of others. I would give anything to be more normal I guess. My teachers were always talking to my mom about how quiet I was in class and how shy and sometimes the teachers would even pull me aside and talk to me about self confidence and crap like that. I remember being touched that someone would pay attention to me and notice me, but also felt like "leave me alone, I am how I am!" My family has always wanted me to be different my entire life, they hated I was so quiet and awkward and backwards.

In college I make good grades but it doesn't come to me easy like it does some people. Where some people could probably remember things in 10 minutes, it takes me twice that time to remember maybe one thing. Some things I am good at remembering better, but mostly learning for me is a struggle, but I LOVE to learn, I feel without knowledge and an education I would just disappear.

I have to say, I learned pretty young to "fake" it, as I've seen some of you mention too. I learned to keep quiet if I didn't understand something and I would come home and try my best to learn it on my own. The eye contact is sooo hard for me, but I try hard at that too, although sometimes when I look in someones eyes I panic and my head starts shaking and I have to look away, which is really embarrassing. My voice is not monotone though, I am able to convey emotion through it. I also can read people very well, almost like I am psychic sometimes, which I've always found to be very strange. However, I miss things about people..what they're wearing, if they're thin or overweight, hair color etc...those things I don't remember about people a lot. I've always liked to think that I just have a gift and can see past superficial outward appearances, but the more I am learning about AS I think maybe that could be due to that.

I can have conversations with people but I have to be comfortable with them. I'm pretty good at faking convo if I have to, like at work or something though. I always feel like I am forcing myself in public situations and it gets very draining.

Now I am not on here to pretend I have AS or to claim I do bc I haven't been diagnosed and I hope I don't have it because my family would be so ashamed of me. But the thing is, I can't help but be curious about why I've always felt like such an outsider..like alien I guess. And now with my professor's actions and the counselor previously, it's like something is starting to make sense now?

I really appreciate your comments and if you want to add anything please do so, I would love to hear more of your thoughts on this because I am just learning.

No they can't they just think I'm rude and uninterested in what's going on, acting elitist.

I am not sure if people can tell if someone has AS but one thing I am sure is that everyone will say you are different... odd one out!! !! !!

If you don't have it, it should be good but if you have it please don't be ashamed of yourself nor let your family be.

Remember it is a difference and not a disability.



Me too.... and thats why i think I am what I am, "that extra effort".

The puzzle will fall into place with time and knowledge; you will enjoy the difference.

No offense meant but I just don't understand..I hate being this way, I hate freezing up when people try to talk to me. I hate watching other people form frienships and relationships while I sit in the background wishing I could do it that easily. Though I prefer to be alone, I get insanely jealous of people who seem more normal and outgoing than me. How on earth could you ever enjoy having Aspergers?

One of my friends said that there's a distance between me and other people. He said most NTs assume it's their own fault and that I'm uncomfortable around them. He said it's gets better the more people get to know me though. I don't know how to get rid of it though.

Most people can tell there's something "different" about me, but it always seems they can't quite put their fingers on it.

But the people in my life who have even a rudimentary understanding of mental health have always told me they suspected I was on the autistic spectrum. I got formally diagnosed in the spring of '06.

dustintorch, I can understand what you mean by that. I have had people think I am rude and unfriendly before, or sometimes people talk to me and will think I am bored with them, when these things are quite the opposite. I actually have a high interest in people and their lives but I often feel like they don't like me, which causes me to put up a wall, I guess.

At first, I didn't. I was ashamed and didn't want anyone to know; I felt like a freak. Visiting WP helped me get past that and see that Asperger's is not a bad thing. Yes, you're different from the norm, but personally I doubt the norm is all that great. It can be hard to make friends with NTs; I know that people tend to accept my husband easily, but it takes them a lot longer to see me as part of the group. One way you could try to meet people is to look for a real world Asperger's Support Group. Look for one in your area and attend their meetings. Sometimes it is far easier to form a bond with someone else with AS than with an NT. They'll understand better why you act the way you do, and will surely empathise with your shyness and social awkwardness (most aspies have dealt with the same). Amongst people who are "like you," you may find you freeze up less, because it matters far less that you say the "right thing." Small talk matters much more to NTs than it does to us...you can say what you are really thinking without being sure it will put someone off for good!

I found something to like & dislike about this post. I'm breaking it down, as a benefit to the OP (original poster) so they don't get any possible wrong ideas.

This has been referred to as "deer in headlights" type of expression or "lost in space/looking into space". I agree, but within someone they can show emotions. It just depends on the situation.


No, in my case i have lots of inflections. I'm very non-rigid in my speech patterns.


I agree. Staring into the air, or not looking directly at someone when talking to them is something that is common (from what I hear. But don't take MY word for it OP. Talk to a psychologist first.


I've heard some people (one i think was a psychologist but I could be mistaken) refer to men as "little professors". And i have no clue, again no clue, as to what the women would be referred to.

I memorize statistics, but outside statistics I don't hold emotional opinions on things. It's just the STATS that matter.


Yes, totally agree with this. I walk a certain way, and frequently drag my feet.

There are other things as well, look in the DSM IV (Psychologist handbook).

Rose In Winter, I really liked your response, that made a lot of sense to me. I can see how being around people like yourself would be very comforting. The only problem with that is, I don't even know if I have Asperger's for real or not. The more I learn the more it seems maybe I do, or perhaps I just have a social anxiety problem. or maybe I just need to grow the hell up and get over myself. I guess I may never find out because I don't plan on being tested or anything for it. I think it's fairly obvious I'm a little strange so I can't see where having an official diagnosis would help anything..if that makes sense (it probably doesn't). I kind of feel like perhaps I am grasping for a label or a definition to place on myself so I can accept the fact that I have a freak flag better maybe?

I am wondering, some of these topics on the forum I can relate to, would it be okay if I posted in other areas even though I don't have a diagnosis?

I suggest you see a psychologist. If you live in the States, your local free clinic will be able to direct you to someone that charges on a sliding scale. Obviously if you have no income your payment may be close to $0. In Canada, i am unsure. But considering they have national healthcare, your payment should be very low. Psych's cost upwards of $100/hr for someone that is private pay or HMO here in the U.S>


What in God's name did you mean by THAT comment???