How do they do it?

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Some people enjoy the Christmas shopping crowd because it gets them in the Christmas shopping mood. But many people who enjoy festivals and other crowded venues still dislike the crowding of Christmas shopping. What makes the Christmas shopping crowd different and less pleasant for many? For one thing, the "hive mind" aspect is missing. You are in competition with other people rather than in connection with them as you are at a festival or sporting event. You are competing with them for the cashier's attention and for access to the goods. So you have to stay focused on your goal of buying whatever and can't lose yourself. The "losing yourself" part is what is so joyful and it's just not possible when you are stressing about what to do if the store runs out of the highly desired item your niece wants. I find it a neutral experience because I can minimize that sort of stress by knowing that I can always find whatever on the internet and by going to the store I'm just saving shipping charges. But some people really stress about that. And it's no fun to be in the crowd when you are sure (and possibly correct) that the more people there are, the less likely you will be able to buy that X-box your son really wants.




Yes. Going out to eat/drink isn't really a goal-oriented activity (beyond the minor goal of actually consuming something) so that whole layer of stress that is there for Christmas shopping just isn't there. You aren't in competition with the other diners/drinkers since there is no actual danger that the food will run out. At most you wait an hour and you can talk to friends while waiting. You aren't under pressure to accomplish something like you are with Christmas shopping (buying the perfect gift) and with that pressure gone you can relax and feel the connection to other people. It isn't as visceral as at a festival, sporting event or riot because you are focused on your own group rather than sharing a focus with thousands of other people. But it's a "buzz" enough to be enjoyable.

The hive mind electric charge comes when thousands of people have a single focus- the stage, the field, smashing the windows of stores (riot). That's the biggest buzz. It's a milder buzz to be in a unfocused crowd where everybody is going about their own business but are not in competition with each other and there is no stress to accomplish some goal.

When crowds are stressful for NTs, it's because the people are in competition with each other (such as for a desired item to buy or for a seat on the subway) and when there is a goal that must be accomplished and that hangs over your head until it is accomplished. That's what Christmas shopping and work commutes have in common with each other and why many NTs complain about the crowds in those situations. Take the exact same people who fought for subway seats in the morning and put them together in a restaurant and suddenly they're buzzing on the charge of each other's company because the stress of a goal that must be accomplished has been removed.

Thanks, Janissy, for taking the time to write about all this! This is the kind of information that one can never find in books. I guess because it must be self explanatory to most people? I feel like I understand it better now.

I guess the situation where I can feel a "buzz" from a crowd is when I´ve been involved in a performance which is successful and which touches the audience in some way. Back when I was a dancer, I think I could feel the energy of the audience. As a director or choreographer, I get a "buzz" when I see the audience enjoying themselves or clapping; however, at the same time, it is also a very lonely feeling too. I feel "connected", and yet apart and disconnected at the same time. Almost as if I can feel the 2 extremes at once. It´s very hard to explain......

How do they manage to filter out the noise of a brat shouting at the top of it's lungs?
How do they manage to not jump at sudden loud noises?
How do they manage to....ohh the list can go on. I wish there were some tablets (with no side affects causing diarrhea) what helps us interpret sounds the way most NTs do. I might be able to handle having AS more if it wasn't for how the ears capture sounds.

Dilbert has a similar but better idea:

Maybe he's an aspie?

I've never been to a big music festival, only small ones with not a very large crowd. It was still uncomfortable though. I hate it because I really want to be able to enjoy live music, but I never can, even in small venues.

I must be a very strange aspie indeed, because Janissy's explanation of enjoying big crowds of people because of that sense of togetherness I do actually experience. Like at parties and stuff I do enjoy it.
Well, now I'm questioning everything. Maybe I'm actually an NT, or half of one.

How do they manage not to have meltdowns when something bad/worrying is said to them?

I hate snow, and when it is forecasted snow, I have a big panic attack/meltdown. But if a NT found out it was going to snow and they hated it as much as I do, what do they do? What feelings do they get when hearing the bad forecast? How come those horrible panicky feelings don't come swirling round them and start drowining them, like they do me?

Ode to be NT.