"Everyone hates me" beliefs

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I can relate. I was bullied to the point of abuse (by teachers as well as other kids) as a child and almost every non AS message board I have ever been on gangs up and cyber bullies me. As a child my parents would complain all the time about how unlikeable I was. As an adult, when anyone is nice to me I figure they are planing to backstab me in the future or I am misinterperting their actions. I've always been told that people weren't really being mean to me but that I just misinterpreted it. If that's true, why can't I misinterpret someone being "nice"? I'm very easy to hate.

I was disliked a lot by kids and I never had that many friends. Kids thought I was rude, selfish, spoiled, uncaring, stupid, mean, ret*d.

I get a feeling that I am not liked and I even thought I was hated here by lot of people but I didn't care. I felt ignored. But now I feel liked here.

I think school was a living nightmare for most of us. In primary school I had kids tell me that they didn't want to play with me and in high school kids would tease me cause I didn't know what popular slang terms meant and was clueless about pop culture. Finally in senior high, I did find some friends amongst the other nerds of the year.

I find now days when people are nice to me that I wonder what they want from me because they must want something to be so nice to me. I joined my local skeptical group just recently which is full of nerds and most probably aspies and was blown away that everyone was so friendly and welcoming - and then I felt very sad that I was so amazed by how nice everyone was to me, that life shouldn't be that hard that having people be genuinely nice and friendly is such a rare thing.

With social networking, I don't friend people who are so shallow as to only care about their drunken nights out. The people I follow on Twitter want to talk about news stories and science. It makes a nice refuge from the rest of the world.

The social space in which a conversation takes place is a contestable space. We should contest it
fairly.

I don't think everyone hates me, I just don't think they listen to me enough.

On the job I'm doing, I have pretty much all the answers. An NT doesn't want answers.

What does an NT "want" then? How can anyone not possibly want answers?

They want love!

Answers are for Aspies.

Why

Because I said so!

I suppose if I go through the negative beliefs about interacting with other people, the one thing that all interactions have in common is me (yes, blindingly obvious) and:

1) Other people do not have telepathic powers to see some evil in my head, but I carry my negative emotions to each interaction, so I keep experiencing the same thing with different people, as if somehow they are in some grand conspiracy;
2) People use some horrendous homophobic and racist foreign / gay / strange abuse for no reason other than that they are ignorant and lost for relevant responses (e.g. all people with dark skin where I live are "Nigerians");
3) I do sometimes make a terrible mess in conversation, but I actually carry all the emotions of the virtual outcomes (most of them negative) that I have thought through for every conversation, whatever actually happened;
4) I often feel like I have had an argument, and I am in the wrong.

I have been trying very hard to dispel some of this stuff - for instance in casual interactions (like shopping) I can mention the weather or other trivia, and this works one step beyond the "they hate me" and can counteract the feeling. I am not sure what to do about feeling bad afterwards. I actually find a lot of the psychotherapy and counselling really, really hard because I do not understand it and I feel like it is a constant attack on me.

No you didn't , you typed "so". Too much time spent with them has caused you to become semi- n literal.

Please do not "type" to me about football. It makes me go wordblind

Today I went to my GP's. I was the first in. They had this shiny brand new computer touch-screen. It had been fitted yesterday evening. The receptionist asked me to go over and enter my data into it. I said "no" and sat down and went into default facial expression mode. There was a minutes uncomfortable silence and I waited for her to ask me who I was.

When she did I gave her my name. Then predictably, she asked me to explain my behavior. I explained the following :

1. When I come into a GP's I expect to be recognized as a human being not greeted by a computer screen . It is part of the healing process.

2. They had not given consideration to the spread of contagious disease - there was no barrier gel to put on my hands .

There was an awkward silence and then she agreed.

The GP also agreed this was an oversight . I suggested gel because aerosol disinfectant would require the receptionist to clean the screen, hence negating the screen's value as a time saving device. Aerosol could cause respiratory problems ,given the waiting room size and lack of ventilation,etc. Hence a gel dispenser would be a better option. Did she know anything about types of dispensers, and how they work? I did...

I could see my GP thinking you've got to be an Aspie, but she made dispenser related notes all the same .


I do not care if my behavior generates an awkward silence which can be interpreted as hatred . If I'm right I have duty to myself and others to point out the obvious . How we do that is the
more difficult question.

I have a hard time believing that people like me; that's quite different than thinking everyone hates me, though. I guess I see them as apathetic... they have their own lives, their own needs, their own goals. For almost everyone else, I am an ancillary afterthought if there is time left at the end of the day. There are few people in this world that hate me... a couple of ex's, stepfather, perhaps a couple others. There are a few who I loathe - the same ex's, the stepfather, a coworker, a teacher - but those rare occasions are well earned to have survived this long. But getting back on topic, I've felt ostracized and marginalized because of my analytical abilities and memory, often alienating others as a result from what I am told. And I've come to terms, especially through my years of teaching, that being effective is much more important to me than being liked.

LG... given how I have observed you treating some people, it does not surprise me that there would be a sense of being disliked by different individuals. That you are feeling better about yourself is a good thing, I suppose.


M.

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