needing a clear invitation. Is this an aspie thing?

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Willard wrote:

Sounds like me. I've been trying to be more social, but sometimes it doesn't work and I feel
left out.

If I'm to be invited, somewhere, I need a clear invitation, or else I don't know if I'm invited or not.

Yes, I usually need a clear invitation.

It is very difficult for me to distinguish whether someone wants to do something with me or not unless they explicitly state it or make a statement which very strongly implies it.


How others figure this stuff out is still a mystery to me.

well ive got the invitation problem to maybe not as bad but i get around it by asking if they want me to bring something or if specific clothes i should bring

NTs are psychic.

I deal with people as individuals, not as part of a group. If I wish to invite someone somewhere, I will ask them personally. I think I kind of presume that everyone is like that, so I need a clear invitation.

i need a direct invitation, although not getting one can serve as a nice excuse for going home. also i can never tell if hanging out with a guy is meant to be a date or not.

NTs have a herd mentality. therefore i think if you want to join the herd, it would probably be ok to go somewhere uninvited and make up for it with a witty persona and false praise directed at the rest of the herd.

(yawn)

Most of the time I am either formally invited (exempli gratia to birthday parties etc.) or I was already with someone and they go somewhere so I go with them.
Or sometimes (very rarely) I just go out someplace and I come across some friends.
Happened once.
But it was only half pleasurable.

This. Cows don't need invitation either.

Who_Am_I wrote:

could have wrote this myself, people are hard enough to understand as individuals, group dynamics are far beyond my understanding.

even with a clear invitation, I have to evaluate the situation in which it was given to understand wither it was an actual invitation or a fake invitation given because I witnessed a real one.

This was important because I also had a rule that I could not deny a direct invitation that I though to be sincere.

yes, I have to know for sure because so many times expecially before I figured out social stuff a bit better I felt ( and was) unwanted.

If I'm in a group of people and they leave to go somewhere different (from the bookstore to the movies, for example) I won't go unless they say "you can come" or something. Even then, I don't like to go unless I feel like they want me to go. Even if I'm just at someone's house and they move from inside to out I won't go with them, lol. Sometimes my mom will say "Oh, _________ doesn't mind if we just drop by" but I really want a clear invitation. I don't like to invite myself, either.

I don't mind spending time with a small group of friends like 2 to 3 sometimes 4. I usually clarify what the plans are to make certain we're all on the same page. But other than that, I need a clear direct invitation and a swift kick in the ass or I will not go.

you're so bad!

.. and ..


when i can't find my own words here on WP, inevitably someone finds them for me.

also on the flipside of all this ..
when i invite someone somewhere or ask them something (let's say in an email, especially) if i don't get a clear yes or no i have no idea what the answer is. not answering is not an answer, and i will go bat s**t trying to figure out where i might have missed an implied "no" or how much time should go be before i am supposed to assume a "no" (or whether the email went to their spam box, or something like that).

i would love to go for a vacation on "right planet" for awhile, have a cocktail and unwind.