How many of you tried to kill themselves?

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I spent a few years wanting to, getting close and then finding myself unable to do it. That was a drag. Every now and then when life is hard and everything is too irritating and I'm full of anxiety I think how much nicer it would be to not exist.

This is a very sensitive topic, but the best thing I can do is be honest.

In 2009 I was suicidal (and for a while self harming) I did attempted to commit suicide one night but was able to stop myself.

I no longer have trouble with any suicidal thoughts or actions.

My dearest apologies for being so blunt and brief its just easier if I write out facts instead of my feelings or train of thought.

I swallowed a bottle of pills when I was 18.

I never tried but I remember very well that at age 8 I took a knife from grandma's house and took it to the barn where in turn I sat, taking a huge pleasure in the pure awareness that I could take my own life in that very moment, that my life was under my control - I was in love with this idea The knife wasn't sharp - in fact it was just a butter knife - but the idea that I, a mere child, was handed in such a great responsibility - to let myself live on or let myself die - was something wonderful. I couldn't hurt myself with this parody of a knife; I could butter my sandwich with it at the very best (apart from the fact that I always hated butter and that I wasn't ever allowed to use a knife as a child) but it was a knife; something I could IN THEORY use if I decided to resign from the priviledge of living. It's like in G. Masterton's "Jessica's Angel" where the stone angels could fly one time in their stone "life" but they simply choose not to, cherishing the thought that they would be perfectly capable of doing this if only they wanted to.

I have thought of it but I would never do that. And I can't stand pain.

I have tried. However, as I want it to be as painless, I used my prescription meds. Then I think there was another one. I can't remember. Since one of the picture frames was broken, and there was blood everywhere, and I had a cut on my hand(I think I must have hit an artery or something, from the amount of splattered on me and on the floor and walls). I did think I must have had a seizure or something, and had fallen and hurt myself, and ended up cutting myself on the picture frame. My parents removed all the glass from my room. I also had a dream that I was at my own funeral once. I was looking on, but no one noticing me.

Though, I am quite afraid of never seeing my kitty, my special interests, or my collections again. What would ever happen to them without me? I try to keep this in mind.

I worked as a nurse in a nut house for a short while. We got a lot of attempted suicides in there. We were supposed to tell everyone "your problems aren't as bad as you think", "You can work through this", etc. But to be honest, some of the people who told me their stories had things so bad that I had to stop myself from saying "Do you want to borrow my Gun?" Fortunately, people who have been locked up in a nuthouse for failing to properly commit suicide tend to not be all that friendly.

I wish I could live in two dimensions and switch back and forth when things get too bad. I used to think this life was a nightmare and I would awaken to my "fun" life if I wanted to badly enough.
I never really consciously tried to kill myself, but, when I was living with my mom, I often wished to leave by some means, even if it meant journeying across the country. Sometimes, you just need to change environments to feel better.

If my parents carried guns, I probably wouldn't be here.

I've tried twice - overdose on beta blockers and tried to cut wrists. I don't think I'd try again after seeing how just attempting suicide made my parents feel... imagine how much worse it would be if i had succeeded!

I tried. I swallowed God knows how many pills in combination and ended up in intensive care before being taken to a state mental hospital because I didn't have insurance for another private stay.

That was 25 years ago.

14 and 17, ODed on painkillers and valium.

Only once and never will again I was going to swallow all of my Prozac at once but my mom stopped me and got really mad, this was back when I was 17 and the Prozac itself was making me crazy. I dont think suicidal thoughts anymore had alot for awhile now I just kid around and say it but never ever mean it.

I abused my anti-depressants when I was 17. It was after I got off them cold turkey that I swallowed a bottle of pain killers.

Something wasn't quite right, though because it didn't really affect me outside of making me cold and jittery.

I kept telling my psychiatrist, psychologist, and foster mother that the pills made me feel worse but they didn't listen.

I made a few half-hearted attempts as a teenager.