Fitting in

Post Reply New Topic

I tried to fit in with the "cool kids". I misinterpreted their jadedness and took it to the next level. I started externalizing my nihilistic tendencies, wearing black and white clothes, like I was in catholic school. My life had been pretty rough, and this time was my roughest. I'm surprised I didn't crack. Maybe it's hard to crack when your already broken.

I also tried to fit in a couple of times. It usually didn't work. There was one time I wanted to become someone's friend, so I'd just go over to his place and shout his name. I did it once in a couple of days over a period of about a month.

Why bother ?

I didn't know I wasn't fitting in.

I did start trying to make friends from seventh grade on (at least at the beginning of every school year, and the enthusiasm just faded over time), but I don't think I was aware what an oddball I was.

I already listen to the rock bands my friends listen too, but if I really tried to fit in, I would own practically everything Apple has. I friggin hate that company. Nuff said.

I don't fit in more because of my faith than because of my autism. My autism is usually fairly accepted by people and looked past; my faith is what they have something against.

When I first went to high school, I tried being social for about 3 months: and pulled it off. The only thing I did though was hang around groups and listen to them talk: I had no idea how to have a conversation so I just stood there and listened. I had no interest in the things they were talking about, and after a while I left them and did my own thing. I didn't start developing actual friendships until 3 years later.

I pretended to be obsessed with the Goosebumps series becuase my mom told me that if I showed intrest in what the other kids were intrested in, they would show intrest in what I was intrested in. I was never really intrested in Goosebumps but I think I was pretty convincing because I got several Goosebumps themed gifts that year. And no, even pretending to be intrested in what the other kids were into NEVER worked...I got bullied even more. I was the ONLY kid in the whole school who did not like Hanson or who would at least admit to it. What was so great about them? They were ugly and couldn't sing either. I still can't understand why girls let themselves get obsessed with boys... my best- friend- turned- bully ended up pregnant before finishing high school and I think another one of my bullies did as well. Anyway, I never gave up my special intrests in an attempt to be cool and I never really wanted friends, I really just wanted to lecture and monologe other people about my special intrests and boss the other kids around.

i did what made me happy, living my life