overcoming the feeling of loneliness

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I understand lonliness. I've been told I'm paradoxical because I both want to be social and don't as well. I'm often pulled in both directions. By social, I don't mean, life of the party or group belonging.

I'd just like one or two good guy friends that I get along with.

this isn't my impression of you. i think you're complex, smart and interesting, but maybe a little hesitant to engage with other people.

it's possible some people think you are not that interested in forming friendships rather than understanding the difficulties. don't internalize this sort of feedback and worry that you are unlikable.



i do this too. there must be some way of finding a comfortable balance, of reaching out a little to try to be a part of the world and yet retaining an internal sanctuary that gives you a feeling of safety from all the struggles.

Was just thinking about this today. I feel lonely even surrounded by my family. There is just no common ground; try as I might I'm always an 'outsider'. I don't understand why they do the things they do or think like they do. I try to act like them to fit in but come off just looking foolish. For me loneliness is just part of my life but it's really hard to accept that fact. Sometimes being alone is better because you are not surrounded by people you can't make contact with.

I think a big part of my loneliness issues in the past was due to comparing myself to others. It seemed like everyone else made connections and got people to love them so easily. Finding out that I'm not completely normal, helped me stop making those comparisons. I've been doing pretty good about not feeling lonely the past few years. Sometimes it's harder on to stay positive on holidays though.

I blame this on my overactive imagination. Or else I'm just too idealistic. Reality is never anywhere near as good as what occurs in my imagination. Doesn't make the pain go away though.

I think that often loneliness stems not so much from not being around people (or not having friends). But more from a sense of disconnection from things. If you can connect to the real you and the real world, that can go a long way to not being lonely.

Also, something a friend told me once (this isn't about just loneliness, but about a specific kind of desire some people have for friendship), is that if you feel like you want someone to love you, the best thing to do is behave lovingly towards others. By love I don't mean romantic. I just mean like when you want to feel like someone cares about you, the best thing to do is do things for other people. Not with an expectation of "if I just do such-and-such they'll do something back", but more from a place of your own love for others. Because to feel "without love" isn't solved just by having someone love you, it's solved by being "within love", which is best generated from within. I know easier said than done but it does seem to be true.

I hate being lonely too - but I manage one way or the other.