Wondering if my new friend has Aspergers

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Just yesterday night I was accused of sounding robotic in an internet conversation. I've had years of practice typing on the internet even because I've been using the internet for quite some time. It's just practice, like you say you practicing real life socialization. The internet is much simpler, after all.

I don't think you sound like you want to be friends with her, so you might as well not be. A label doesn't make someone autistic, so you can keep saying "well she may not even be..." but she's still a person and the way she is. What does it matter if she has a label for her problems or not? I don't see how it affects how you treat or get along with someone, at least.

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I'm not quite sure what you want to "let her know." That you, an amateur, disagree with the professional opinion she (or her parents) paid for? According to what you posted, she told you that she wasn't diagnosed with an ASD. That indicates that the possibility has already considered.

This most likely is a touchy subject, and it appears to be one you have already discussed with her. Why do you think it would be appropriate for you to keep bringing up the fact (of which she is probably well aware) that she has noticable issues? Frankly, if someone I barely knew kept pestering me with reminders of my social incompetence, I'd tell them to take a flying leap.

Yes, I think it is "wrong" for you to be embarrassed by hanging out with her. The fact that you felt the need to ask the question, however, makes it clear that you are embarrassed to be seen with her. Whether I, or anyone else here, thinks it's "right" doesn't really matter - you are embarrassed by her. From what you've said, she probably doesn't realize that you're only pretending to be her friend while you look for an acceptable excuse to stop hanging out with her. Admit it and move on - quit embarrassing her by prying into things which are not your business, and leave her alone already!

I'm sure we all appreciate your gracious proclamation that we are high-functioning enough to not embarrass you by our presence. Have you considered the possibility that we might be embarrassed to hang out with someone as intolerant as you appear?

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be intolerant really. I'm actually a very tolerant and open minded person and I love all people, I never bullied anyone based on their disability and I find people who do are disgusting. However why I bring this up is because this girl genuinely embarrases both me and herself and I feel sorry for her and kind of feel it's my duty as the higher functioning one to kind of "guide" her, if that makes sense.

I'm not sure how I'm even supposed to do that though if I don't know for sure she's autistic and therefore can't bring it up to her, I mean she displays all the traits but I really don't know how to bring it up.

I'll admit the possibility that I misunderstood your meaning, and I do apologize for my harshness if I did. I'll try to approach this in a less judgemental manner. Fake friendship is kind of a sore point for me, as you may have picked up.

A sense of "Oops. I can't believe she said that!" when she makes a social blunder is understandable. If you are simply recognizing that she made an embarrassing mistake, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. On the other hand, if your concern is that your reputation will be damaged by hanging out with someone who makes social errors, you're being, in my view, elitist and narrowminded.

Question: do you like her? When you're NOT in public and don't have to worry about her making social errors, do you enjoy her company? If so, you may have the basis for a friendship. If not, and your only motive in hanging out with her is helping her "improve," you probably don't. Pity is not a good basis for a friendship. Even if she never clues in on it, making her think you're friends when she is actually just an experiment would be very unfair to her.

Second question: why so much concern about what her diagnosis is? It's coming across as, "I'm willing to hang out with her if she has X, but can't been seen with someone who has Y." Either that, or you are deciding whether or not to be her friend based on her prognosis for "rehabilitation." Either one seems pretty shallow and condescending.

Your desire to improve this other person's situation is commendable, in and of itself. The world would be a better place if we all tried to help each other out, when we can. I do, however, see two problems with it, in the situation you describe.

First, initiating a relationship with someone based on changes you project them making in the future is a recipe for disaster. She may not want to change, she may want to but not be able to, or she may change in ways you had not forseen and do not like.

Next, why do you believe you are qualified to guide her social development? You describe yourself as "half Aspie," which leads me to think that your understanding of social skills is probably not perfect, either. While you may be much more advanced in this area, you probably make your share of blunders, too - and likely don't know it when you do. Knowing that she is very literal minded, is it fair to act as her definitive guide to, "how to behave appropriately," if you have anything less than a perfect understanding of the subject?

Basically, it comes down to your intentions. If you genuinely enjoy being around her - and she likes you - then continue to build a relationship with her, and help her out when you can. That's what friends do. If, on the other hand, you don't like her, but think you can "fix" her . . . well, I'm not quite sure what the name for a person like that is, but it isn't "friend." Figure out what that is, and decide if that's what you want to be.

Tell her. I had 3 of my friends tell me I'm a mild case. One of my friends had a kid who was autistic. Another friend has Asperger's himself, I'm pretty sure. I also had some guys on some forums tell me the same thing. That's what kinda led me to this site.

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