07 Apr 2011, 4:25 am
Moog wrote:
I like the principles and practices of Buddhism.
Many of the problems you mention here sound like the product of Aversion. That is you don't like a lot of things, they cause you to feel the need to control, repel, contract or attack in the face of them, and then you do.
Are you a compulsive sort, Bloodheart?
I think that you would benefit from practices of loving kindness and equanimity. A mindfulness meditation where you learn to co-exist with things that bother you without reaction... without attacking or pushing away that which causes you discomfort. Learning to see that you don't necessarily have to react to things you don't like, and perhaps how you can benefit from reacting in different ways.
CBT might teach you similar things, so I would definitely take that up if it is offered to you.
Know that you have nothing to lose in trying therapy and other ways of being that you don't feel are inherently 'you'. You can always revert to your old ways, and so many do. I would be more concerned that even with therapy, no change occurs. This is far more likely than some kind of super radical and unpleasant change in yourself.
Many of the problems you mention here sound like the product of Aversion. That is you don't like a lot of things, they cause you to feel the need to control, repel, contract or attack in the face of them, and then you do.
Are you a compulsive sort, Bloodheart?
I think that you would benefit from practices of loving kindness and equanimity. A mindfulness meditation where you learn to co-exist with things that bother you without reaction... without attacking or pushing away that which causes you discomfort. Learning to see that you don't necessarily have to react to things you don't like, and perhaps how you can benefit from reacting in different ways.
CBT might teach you similar things, so I would definitely take that up if it is offered to you.
Know that you have nothing to lose in trying therapy and other ways of being that you don't feel are inherently 'you'. You can always revert to your old ways, and so many do. I would be more concerned that even with therapy, no change occurs. This is far more likely than some kind of super radical and unpleasant change in yourself.
Seconded.
kfisherx wrote:
I will NEVER understand this mentality that purposefully changing bad traits in yourself will change your personality for the bad. 
It's more about whether it's worth it. Will the change + cost of change make life better for you & others? My attempt at getting friends & being more social led to depression & dropping out of school. It sounds like you're good at keeping changes healthy, but not everyone manages that (without a lot of care). I'm all for improving as well, but you need to be sure that the change actually is an improvement first.
07 Apr 2011, 6:03 am
10 Apr 2011, 2:52 pm
kfisherx wrote:
Louise18 wrote:
kfisherx wrote:
I will NEVER understand this mentality that purposefully changing bad traits in yourself will change your personality for the bad.
OF COURSE you should do something to change if there are traits you recognize that are not so good. I have all the same issues as you and have been fighting them since I was a young adult. I have made changes and I am becoming a better person all the time. Recently I began social skills classes targeted specifically at making me even better.
You can follow my adventures in this thread...
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt153181.html
So far REALLY good results. You have to shop for the "right" therapist.
OF COURSE you should do something to change if there are traits you recognize that are not so good. I have all the same issues as you and have been fighting them since I was a young adult. I have made changes and I am becoming a better person all the time. Recently I began social skills classes targeted specifically at making me even better.
You can follow my adventures in this thread...
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt153181.html
So far REALLY good results. You have to shop for the "right" therapist.
This really isn't how stuff works for me. I often have to be 100% one mindset or 100% another so giving up the bad parts of a personality trait often means giving up the good aspects of a personality trait. Whenever I change somethoing there is always a real possibility that I will be the opposite in negative way. For lots of things it's just a case of, if I want to keep the baby I have to keep the bath water.
You logic makes no sense. What "good" thing do you give up if you improve traits such as "arrogance", "know-it-all" (AKA inflexibility) and black/white types of thinking. Are you one of those people that think you will wake up one day an NT if you work on self-improvement?
Well I know people who are less arrogant and more flexible than me that don't stand up for themselves in situations where I would, get treated badly in situations where no one would dare treat me in that way, don't stick up for their friends as much as I would like, don't stick up for their beliefs as much as I do, don't always avail themselves of their legal rights, don't fight for rights that they ought to have etc.
I would rather be thought of as arrogant and inflexible and be the kind of person who doesn't take any s**t than be less arrogant and more flexible, and be the sort of person that keeps quiet when stuff I think is unacceptable is happening, however much I might admire other soft skills about them, I just don't think they are as important.
I think changing fundamental aspects of your personality is a bad idea, personally. You end up being a function of what everyone else wants rather than yourself. There are plenty of things about myself that I think I should and will try to change, but personality traits are not in there.
Bloodheart
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Joined: 17 Jan 2011
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,194
Location: Newcastle, England.
10 Apr 2011, 3:02 pm
kfisherx wrote:
You logic makes no sense. What "good" thing do you give up if you improve traits such as "arrogance", "know-it-all" (AKA inflexibility) and black/white types of thinking. Are you one of those people that think you will wake up one day an NT if you work on self-improvement?
I would point out that what others see as know-it-all doesn't equate to inflexibility in most cases it refers to being 'too smart', in the same way as arrogance is often a term given to someone who is overly confident - it's not so much bad personality traits, more about how others see those personality traits. In my case arrogance allows me to be confident but by using arrogance I can almost mock myself, play at being arrogant to hide being overly confident - it's easier for people to dislike the arrogance than it is to lack confidence or have people dislike the confidence without that cartoonish personality over the top. That make sense?
