Dominating a Conversation when meeting new people?
OldFashioned wrote:
I'm a perfect gentleman, I have a high IQ, I'm from a good family, I'm affectionate. What else could they want? I'm obviously doing something wrong. I never ever got a real date (the dates I had turned out to be friend stuff or they were lesbians)
Do you make good money? Throw that into the mix and they will beat your door down.
Seriously, though, what you are talking about is 'mate potential'. There is little that logic can do to help this. Whatever it is you present to women, it is not being interpreted in the way you are expecting. I'm not trying to be mean. It is absolutely exasperating. Either you are not sending the signals that would suggest you are interested in something long term or you are sending signals that turn them off.
_________________
When God made me He didn't use a mold. I'm FREEHAND baby!
The road to my hell is paved with your good intentions.
OldFashioned wrote:
I'm a perfect gentleman, I have a high IQ, I'm from a good family, I'm affectionate. What else could they want?
Fun. The other thing they want is fun. What Mindslave was showing you with his posts is how to make the conversation more fun for her and also why the other guy can swoop in so easily. It's because he offers her fun. If you make the conversation more entertaining for her (as Mindslave advises), she won't be so easily diverted away from it. But if you bore her, she will be relieved by the more interesting diversion that The Other Guy offers.
If you don't want The Other Guy to dominate the conversation, you have to be a more fun conversational partner than he is. Yes, it really is a competition. It is a competition for her attention. The one who is most interesting to her is the one who gets to talk to her.
As other posters noted, what any given girl is interested will vary from girl to girl. The importance of Mindslave's advice is that he's directing you to figure out what she finds interesting.
Back in the day when I was young I found myself in these little triangles fairly often. Sometimes the guy I was already talking to was so fascinating that The Other Guy never had a chance. He would swoop in, try to interject himself into the conversation with a wisecrack or pithy comment and I would pay no mind because the guy I was already talking to was really having a great conversation with me.
But other times, I was relieved when The Other Guy swooped in because the first guy was boring me so much droning on about his job or his new car or whatever. I felt rescued and was glad to be extracted from the first conversation. This doesn't mean girls don't ever want to hear about jobs or cars. It means I didn't. But the initial guy never bothered to find out what I found interesting and the second guy did (I suspect he eavesdrops for a few minutes before swooping in). Pay attention to Mindslave's advice and you will most likely find yourself in the first situation -having her complete attention for the duration of the conversation.
Janissy wrote:
OldFashioned wrote:
I'm a perfect gentleman, I have a high IQ, I'm from a good family, I'm affectionate. What else could they want?
Fun. The other thing they want is fun. What Mindslave was showing you with his posts is how to make the conversation more fun for her and also why the other guy can swoop in so easily. It's because he offers her fun. If you make the conversation more entertaining for her (as Mindslave advises), she won't be so easily diverted away from it. But if you bore her, she will be relieved by the more interesting diversion that The Other Guy offers.
If you don't want The Other Guy to dominate the conversation, you have to be a more fun conversational partner than he is. Yes, it really is a competition. It is a competition for her attention. The one who is most interesting to her is the one who gets to talk to her.
As other posters noted, what any given girl is interested will vary from girl to girl. The importance of Mindslave's advice is that he's directing you to figure out what she finds interesting.
Back in the day when I was young I found myself in these little triangles fairly often. Sometimes the guy I was already talking to was so fascinating that The Other Guy never had a chance. He would swoop in, try to interject himself into the conversation with a wisecrack or pithy comment and I would pay no mind because the guy I was already talking to was really having a great conversation with me.
But other times, I was relieved when The Other Guy swooped in because the first guy was boring me so much droning on about his job or his new car or whatever. I felt rescued and was glad to be extracted from the first conversation. This doesn't mean girls don't ever want to hear about jobs or cars. It means I didn't. But the initial guy never bothered to find out what I found interesting and the second guy did (I suspect he eavesdrops for a few minutes before swooping in). Pay attention to Mindslave's advice and you will most likely find yourself in the first situation -having her complete attention for the duration of the conversation.
Thank you Janissy, any advice on how to make myself more interesting. Sure I know loads of stuff but what kind of girl wants to talk about the Roman Insurrection of -345BC or the 6th Egyptian Dynasty?
OldFashioned wrote:
Sure I know loads of stuff but what kind of girl wants to talk about the Roman Insurrection of -345BC or the 6th Egyptian Dynasty?
LOL. Even if you found a girl interested in those topics, they would not want to ALWAYS talk about it.
You need to find out what they are interested in and talk about that. And you have to let them participate in the conversation. If they are interested in horses and you monologue on equine diseases and anatomy, they will likely interpret that as a pretentious display of your intellectual superiority.
Your intelligence can actually hinder you in conversation. Its a skill to be able to deliberately lighten up without appearing condescending - not one that I have fully mastered.
_________________
When God made me He didn't use a mold. I'm FREEHAND baby!
The road to my hell is paved with your good intentions.
Mindslave
Veteran
Joined: 14 Nov 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,034
Location: Where the wild things wish they were
OldFashioned wrote:
Every girl should ship with an instruction manual... 
They all do, it's just in a foreign language. You learn this language the same way you learn any other language. Taking 6 years of Spanish pales in comparison to living in Peru for 6 months. Same thing here. Learning this stuff is important, but it's even more important that it gets reinforced, or you will forget it. So the longer you separate this from everything else, that's all it will ever be: separate.
