I have been passing through the dark night for many years but I am now starting to come out of the other end of it.
I can remember once, during a meditation, reaching a place where everything was so beautifully serene, I was pure energy and I was connected to everything. I have never forgotten the serenity I felt in that place, a place where the ego did not exist as we know it.
It was beautiful.
The world is consumed with it's ego and the illusion of the ego that it creates for itself, but this is part of the journey it must make, for it is part of the journey on the road to knowing your true self.
I no longer need to indulge my ego most of the time (it's a work in progress). The majority of my self esteem is generated internally based on my belief that all life has value, is deserving of love and is deserving of respect, kindness and understanding. I love myself but in nurturing, non arrogant way.
What I do, I do for love.
What I do, I do for joy
What I do, I do for passion
What I do, I do out of kindness
What I do, I do for the love of god or pure unconditional love (which ever you want to call it as I like to refer to 'god' as both) and not for my own glory.
I look out into the world and I can see so much suffering that man inflicts on himself or others in the pursuit of indulging the human ego.
I am humbled, my arrogance is fading but there are still times that the darkness descends and I am pulled slightly backwards, so I am not out of the shadows just yet. I am on my way there though. I do not feel that I will spend the rest of my existence in the dark night.
I will say that my depressions did help me to grow. They helped me resolve and work through many of my issues, including those related to past abuse. I talk about them openly because it enables me to develop my own understanding and hopefully that of others, although many others think of my talking openly about them as whining. That however is not my intent. Perhaps one day I will find a way to express them that opens peoples eyes and touches the soul.
I just need to resolve this social stuff first lol. Of course the social isolation I have been experiencing could have just sent me a little bit insane!
Anyway, time to end the strange spiritual moment I had there before I scare people or the men in the white coats come and collect me. We are back on Planet earth now!
I must be because my stomach has overridden my ego and is demanding that I indulge in some food...
Last edited by bumble on 01 Dec 2011, 9:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.