Did your parents compare you to other kids?

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The only memory I had was my dad swinging me in circles...I used to think about this at night to go to sleep....I remmbered I had some sisters and a baby brother but nothing about them...odd thing is I finally met them at 36(now 42)and I am soooo much more like them then my adopted family...they are liberal democrates,recovering alcoholics,enjoy my humor,seem to like me,love garage sales...

I dont know my parents as well as they are very quit and reclusive people...they certainly never led a conventional lifebut I dont know if they are aspie...my mom is deffinately a social phobe...never goes into public unless it is with her sister,even then,rarely.I only really know 2 of my 5 other siblings but none of us have lived "traditional" lives

No one in my family was ever ordinary, so there was no reference to it.

My parents didn't often compare me to other ACTUAL children. My father did, however, compare me to this imaginary perfect child that seemed to be the sum of all my peers. He also had a habit of, if I dared to show displeasure at something or if he asked me to do something ask if I could finish the chapter of my book etc, he would go into a rant about how I never did anything to help around the house, how my friends probably did more to help, and how lucky I was to have such good parents.
Yeah. The friend who he mostly compared me to yelled at her parents, stole money from them, swore at them and got herself pregnant at age 17. Just the type of child who you'd want to exchange a child who occasionally *shock, horror* speaks a little crossly to you when you're being an a***hole.

And as for the whole "after all I've done for you" thing....
Parents who feed, clothe, shelter and provide an education for their children are not great parents. They are not fantastic parents. They are not even good parents. They are ADEQUATE parents. Parents who do not do these things are BAD parents.

I have been with my adoptive family since the age of 8. I'm now 31. Naturally I've been curious to meet my biological family, but suffice to say this would be easier said than done. I know a fair bit about my mother, very little about my father, similarly very little about my grandparents and an uncle (mother's brother), and absolutely nothing about any other family members.



Yes. Or at least parents (N.B. adoptive parents) and peers tended to hint that point of view.



When I was diagnosed, they didn't need to go to my parents for info, nor did they request to. I had an interview which lasted 1½ hours, however a great part of it was about my childhood. I also left the doctor with a big report which was about my early years - it's effectively a typical, classic description of AS, so much info about my childhood was obtained that way.

I guess then, how much you remember your childhood would be a factor.

I think I have the same situation.

My dad had calliouslly compared me to the rest of the Preteens in Langley. He's made a few comments about my Cockney Accent. He told me, "Repeat what you've said! None of the kids around here, sound like you! Ylu should listen to yourself more often! We have to fix this! I want you sounding like the other Kids in Langley, BC!" I've repeated myself and I was thrilled to hear what I've later learned, was a Cockney Accent. My dad and I don't really talk to each other, and it's been 19 years, now. Since I don't feel accepted by my Father, I work twice as hard, accepting myself for me, and giving myself the acceptance that I feel that I will never get from him. That's probably why people know me so well, in this communtiy. I accept myself twice as much as an NT would need to accept themself.

<---------And that's why I show all of you my True Colours.

Ditto.
Ditto.

My dad doesn't but my stepmom is always bringing up comparisons with her stepson who has a learning disability and has been dx'ed with bipolar disorder, as well as some other person she has seen with learning disabilities (a person working at some store). She points out that they work hard and don't make excuses like me. She says I should be more like them. I have tried to explain there are big differences between learning disabilities and developmental disabilities but I haven't really gotten anywhere other then to get her to acknowledge that developmental disabilities exist and that she knows all about them. She says there really isn't any differences between the two (learning disabilities and developmental disabilities).

Both my mother and father are very NT. They have tons of friends. That's why they don't understand me. They don't understand that I can't make friends like they do. And that's why we clash like we do.

Now that I am grown and on my own. Now, my father wonders why I don't come home often. I don't go home often because I don't want to hear him spout his negativity. Does he ever stop to think of things he told me as a child? He'll never admit that he said anything wrong. He'll just say he was telling me that for my own good.

Well my mother when I was little I don't know if she pointed me towards other kids as in look how those kids are playing why don't you join them. Or why don't you play with some boys of your age instead of that one girl you stick around with.

I didn't know Democrat was hereditary. Interesting... I learn so much on these forums.

My parents never compared me to any specific person. However I always heard such snide comments as "you embarrass us", "you'll never amount to nothing". My mom hated all other people so its not like she wanted me to act like another kid in the neighborhood because she didn't associate with others and barely did me. My grandmother though was always fond of saying "she still acts like a little child".

Recently though my mom had to rub a little salt in the old wounds by telling me over the phone "seems like you can't keep a friend for more than a few weeks". I wished I'd thought to remind her she hasn't had a friend in over 40 yrs so who is she to talk. But I don't normally think that fast nor speak that way to anyone.

Yeah, and I still get it now, in m ore subtle ways.

"Why don't you get outside and go and play with groups of friends like the other kids"

"Why can't you be sociable and participate in class activities like the other kids" (The day they said this, my mother was crying and they started a screaming match at me after reading my report card)

"Why can't go go and join in with those two girls playing on the beach.. be normal" (As if I was going to go upto two friends who I didn't even know and butt in)

Dad has AS and he was worse than mum.. he used to get mad at me for not doing things he would NEVER EVER do. Mum just got upset and wished her daughter was "normal".

They seem to be better now, as i've come so far, and accepted the way I was.. or tried to after my diagnosis at 12. I still get comments like "AM I ONLY NORMAL PERSON AROUND HERE" (Mum having to put up with myself and my father, who is worse than me)

My sister still can't accept it. She never has, she's never even bothered to try. I resent her for that. That's probably why I'm cold about her a lot.

God I feel left out, I don't think my parents have ever compared me to other kids. I'm sure they wished I were like the others but never said anything to me about it because they didn't want to make me feel bad.

My mom's generally been pretty good about not doing the whole "why can't you be more like so-and-so" spiel (even pre-diagnosis), but my dad's often hinted at such things, both to me and my mother. She's told me a lot of things about me that worry/worried him, and one of the main things was the fact that I never seemed that interested in making friends- he thought it was because I considered myself better than everybody else (not true). He generally compared me to- and sort of wanted me to be like- my younger sister: perfect grades, enough friends, etc. (even during her difficult preteen/young teen years, which I sort of... skipped (never got into the mood swings, emotional insanity, etc.), he wanted me to act more like the normal, difficult teenager, just because it was "normal").

My parents were the quintessential 50's kids and are very attached to symbols. They were Sunday Christians, but thought I should dress provocatively (at a specific age) and taught my brother how to "drink socially". Mom was always asking why I didn't dress like "heather" and later after school, she kept bringing up another peer and how successful he was. The thing was, these were all social junkies that were total bigots and nimwits. These kids were mean to me and not very honest. Their parents would tell on me and exaggerate my behavior to make their kids look better. One of my mom's best friends raised complete losers, she was a neurotic mess. My mom still doesn't get it.
I was adopted and I always felt different. I attributed to being Indian. . .