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LostAlien
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29 Jul 2011, 11:01 am

YellowBanana wrote:
I am impressed by everyone's interpretations.

All I could get was this:

You sent a text to her at 3 am. It probably woke her up and she was annoyed by this.

Really not good at imagining what other people are thinking and their reasons for doing things....

I don't get it either. I don't understand how people are saying that she's being over sensitive either.

I have many times yelled my head off at people who texted or called me late at night when there was no emergency because they woke me. To me it would be a very clear thing, waking a person up makes them annoyed, texts can wake a person thus don't text someone who might reasonably be asleep.


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Roman
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29 Jul 2011, 7:57 pm

LostAlien wrote:
YellowBanana wrote:
I am impressed by everyone's interpretations.

All I could get was this:

You sent a text to her at 3 am. It probably woke her up and she was annoyed by this.

Really not good at imagining what other people are thinking and their reasons for doing things....

I don't get it either. I don't understand how people are saying that she's being over sensitive either.

I have many times yelled my head off at people who texted or called me late at night when there was no emergency because they woke me. To me it would be a very clear thing, waking a person up makes them annoyed, texts can wake a person thus don't text someone who might reasonably be asleep.


You seem to be thinking that there has to be exactly ONE thing that she is angry at. This doesn't have to be the case. She might well be angry for being woken up in the middle of a night and AT THE SAME TIME also be angry regarding the time together being shortened. In fact, my experience with NT-s show that usually when they are angry about A it makes it easier for them to "also" be angry about B and visa versa. Kind of like when NT-s are angry about one thing they are "looking for" other things to get angry over, as well, since these other things confirm/reinforce their attitude about the person. And they usually forget what was the first thing they were angry at. Usually they just have a huge pile of things all mixed under umbrella "I hate this guy".



Sparhawke
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29 Jul 2011, 8:19 pm

Roman wrote:
My guess is that she was probably mad because meeting her at 4 PM instead of 3 30 PM meant that you spent only half an hour with her instead of an hour. Basically, she wanted some time to talk to you. Since you can't talk in the movie, she really wanted to spend some time either before or after a movie. This should have been obvious from the fact that you live only 10 minues from her: if she ONLY wanted a movie, you guys would have probably agreed on 4 20 PM. So why 3 30? It should have been implicitly clear you wanted to spend some time doing other stuff.

Sometimes NT-s make an "official" purpose of something to be A (for example, a movie), while "unspoken puprose" to be B (for example, time before a movie). It is not just a relationship thing. For example, in my physics department people regularly meet for tea that lasts one hour. Now why should tea last one hour? It takes only 10 minutes to drink tea at the most? The reason is that people need one hour to communicate about physics and other stuff. But still in the schedule they don't say "communicate about physics". They simply say "tea". So, basically, "tea" is supposed to be an excuse to communicate about physics and everyone should implicitly know it from the fact that tea lasts an hour.

Likewise, in your case, a movie was supposed to be an excuse for you guys to talk BEFORE the movie. Again, this should have been implicitly clear from the fact that you two agreed to meet an HOUR before movie, despite being so close. Therefore, with this mindset, your saying "lets instead meet at 4" sounds like "no I don't want to spend an hour with you, I only want to spend half an hour with you". Now if she was really looking forward for that hour, it would be a kind of an insult.

Now, if you were to tell her "lets meet at 4 PM, but lets instead spend some time after the movie" then that would be a different story. In this case she would have seen that you DO want to spend some time with her; so whatever time you can't spend before the movie you are trying to re-schedule. In this case she might have said either yes or no (the most likely reason for "no" would be that she has some other plans) but she wouldn't be as upset at you.

However, I believe if you try to do the rescheduling now this would be a bit too late. Right now she would simply think that you are not really liking her, but you didn't like what she had to say either, so you are trying to "force" her to have better attitude by rescheduling the time. So the trick was to do it BEFORE she got mad, which you haven't done.

As far as your being up at 3 AM, it is a bit harder to judge. It can be any of these four things:

A. She was upset at you that you are trying to cancel your time together, so she simply wanted to hurt you. In order to hurt you, she wanted to "look for" some negatives to "pick at". Unfortunately she didn't see you drinking as of late nor did she see you speed driving; so going to bed at 3 AM was all she could think of.

B. She could have decided that the reason you wanted to meet her at 4 PM and not 3 30 PM is that you were tired. She then blamed your tiredness on going to bed at 3 AM. So then she felt like if you really liked her you would go to bed earlier so you won't be tired and would be able to spend a full hour with her.

C. She could have decided you were at 3 AM with other girls. Now from the sound of a post it doesn't sound you two are committed so she probably does not think you are cheating on her. But still, she could think along the lines "these other girls were important enough for him to stay up at 3 AM, but I am not important enough only spend one hour at something in the middle of a day"

D. Or she could have known you were by yourself doing your own thing. In this case, remove "other girls" in the above paragraph and insert "doing whatever he is doing". So she could have felt you can stay up till 3 AM reading some boring book, but you can't devote one hour to her in the middle of a day, so she means even less to you than the boring book you were reading at 3 AM.

I really don't know what actually went on though. These are only guesses from the little information that you gave me.


I managed to get halfway through that lol

Next time you go out with someones, make sure you ask them directly if they want to do something before, or after the movie. This gives you some leeway to adapt, otherwise you may as well just ask her what it is you did was so wrong and try and explain your reasoning.



LostAlien
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30 Jul 2011, 8:43 am

Roman wrote:
LostAlien wrote:
YellowBanana wrote:
I am impressed by everyone's interpretations.

All I could get was this:

You sent a text to her at 3 am. It probably woke her up and she was annoyed by this.

Really not good at imagining what other people are thinking and their reasons for doing things....

I don't get it either. I don't understand how people are saying that she's being over sensitive either.

I have many times yelled my head off at people who texted or called me late at night when there was no emergency because they woke me. To me it would be a very clear thing, waking a person up makes them annoyed, texts can wake a person thus don't text someone who might reasonably be asleep.


You seem to be thinking that there has to be exactly ONE thing that she is angry at. This doesn't have to be the case. She might well be angry for being woken up in the middle of a night and AT THE SAME TIME also be angry regarding the time together being shortened. In fact, my experience with NT-s show that usually when they are angry about A it makes it easier for them to "also" be angry about B and visa versa. Kind of like when NT-s are angry about one thing they are "looking for" other things to get angry over, as well, since these other things confirm/reinforce their attitude about the person. And they usually forget what was the first thing they were angry at. Usually they just have a huge pile of things all mixed under umbrella "I hate this guy".

Why the aggression Roman? I merely said I didn't understand why so many people are overlooking an obvious reason for someone to get angry. Also, despite being on the Autistic Spectrum, I'm a woman, thus I may actually have a valid point. To my knowledge YellowBanana is also female. Some people on this thread have called the woman insensitive without cause as far as I've seen.

The only way to be sure as to what exactly happened would be for the OP to actually sit down and ask the woman involved in a gentle manner about what was up.

By the way, I know you meant in general about women but I haven't met many women who are like that, I know I'm not like that either.


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oceandrop
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30 Jul 2011, 8:53 am

Ask her directly. Something along the lines of -- so was you really set on going at 3:30pm? My guess is the same as what was mentioned earlier.. namely that meeting at 4pm wouldn't give you two much time to actually talk -- by the time you buy the tickets you will need to find seats and then the movie starts.



Roman
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30 Jul 2011, 8:55 am

LostAlien wrote:
Why the aggression Roman?


My only response to your post is "Sat Jul 30, 2011 11:57 am", and it was not meant to be agressive. My only "agressive" response so far was "Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:01 pm" one, and it was not directed at you.

As far as "Sat Jul 30, 2011 11:57 am", I was merely pointing out to you that it is possible for there to be more than one reason; if such is the case, then what you said can be one reason and what others said can be another reason. In your response you were making either/or assumption when you were saying "it is not the shortening the date issue rather it is waking up late at night issue". I was pointing out that it doesn't have to be either/or. I wasn't being aggressive.

The only response in which I WAS agressive was the "Sat Jul 30, 2011 11:57 am" one. In that response I was ranting about NT-s "being polite" and saying that they are doing me a favor when in fact they are trying to hurt me. But that response was not directed at you, nor at anyone else in this forum. If anything, this was only directed at that girl the OP was texting, and she is not a member of this forum.

LostAlien wrote:
Also, despite being on the Autistic Spectrum, I'm a woman, thus I may actually have a valid point. To my knowledge YellowBanana is also female. Some people on this thread have called the woman insensitive without cause as far as I've seen..


When I respond to someone I focus on the idea I am responding to, as opposed to "whom" I am responding. So the fact that you are a woman, or the fact that you are on autism spectrum, didn't change the content of my response one way or the other.

LostAlien wrote:
The only way to be sure as to what exactly happened would be for the OP to actually sit down and ask the woman involved in a gentle manner about what was up.


I agree. If I was OP I would ahve done it a long time ago. But, since he is not me, it is possible he might be too shy to ask. Besides, in my experience, when NT-s are pissed off they often refuse to answer such questions. So it is also possible that he will ask but she will toss him out with "whatever". So I was providing answers in case he would be unable to get the answers from the source.

LostAlien wrote:
By the way, I know you meant in general about women but I haven't met many women who are like that, I know I'm not like that either.


What I said in general was about NT-s, not just women. In fact I brought up the example of my interaction with professors. They were mostly men; but I still used them as examples to illustrate my point.



Last edited by Roman on 30 Jul 2011, 9:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

LostAlien
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30 Jul 2011, 9:04 am

Roman wrote:
LostAlien wrote:
By the way, I know you meant in general about women but I haven't met many women who are like that, I know I'm not like that either.


What I said in general was about NT-s, not just women. In fact I brought up the example of my interaction with professors. They were mostly men; but I still used them as examples to illustrate my point.

Whoops, sorry. I should have read the post more before responding. I admit that I can be over sensitive about generalizations regarding women and when I thought I saw women I felt the need to say that most women I've met weren't like that.

I'm also sorry that I misjudged the overall tone of your post.


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30 Jul 2011, 9:08 am

johnnydangerous wrote:
I was supposed to meet this woman to see a movie. We were going to meet up on my day off at 3:30 PM to catch the 4:30 PM show. About 3 AM (I go to sleep at this time due to my job hours) I texted her saying we should just meet at 4:00 PM because it only takes about 10 minutes to get there.

I really thought nothing of it. SO I get up, get ready, and check my phone. She had texted me about 10 AM saying "we should go another time because you sound tired". So I called her and she said I "contradicted myself" and how "action speak louder than words" and "what was I doing up at 3 AM".


One reason NTs think they are so much is because they "can read between the lines".

MAYBE she wanted to be with you longer, but she would assume YOU did. THAT might have been the "contradiction.

In the US, most work from about 8 to 5. So "OBVIOUSLY", you were sleepy! I guess you normally START work around 3PM. So HER idea of evening is roughly your idea of morning. SHE thought you were AWAKE since at least 3am.

The "actions speak louder than words" basically means that she is SO sure that what she believes yu did is SO open and shut that anything you have or will say won't change her opinion.

BTW, for the record, my time at work varies greatly, and I make allowances for planned events.