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kahlua
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11 Sep 2011, 3:31 am

Joe90 wrote:
But I still find it awkward walking past people without looking at them. It's OK when you subconsciously look at people (which I used to do before I had this annoying phobia), because then there is no awkwardness. But when you're thinking about it too much, obviously it is not subconscious to you, so it makes you feel more awkward. I squeeze my fingers together when I walk past people, my eyes go all over the place because I don't want to stare at them but I don't want to look away either (although that's what I do), and my body even goes stiff.


I have the exact same issue.... I love wearing sunglasses, but its not always appropriate.



Nickay12
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11 Sep 2011, 11:48 pm

This too rings true with me, everytime I walk past someone I look at the floor and smile, It's only just occured to me that they can't see the smile, so I guess it's kinda confusing to them too..

I guess as aspies we are always going to look kindof eccentric.. I wish eye contact was easier that way most situations would infinitely improve.

I don't think that I can provide even the slightest little bit of relief on this topic, all I can say is when I'm happy I assume everyone else around me is happy adversely, when I'm sad or anxious then so is everyone else. So what I do is look at the sky, this way my spirits peak and and so does everyone elses around me.. (Even if in reality they are thinking "What a weirdo!!")



Nickay12
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11 Sep 2011, 11:56 pm

It's just occured to me you might not be able to see the sky, in that case scratch out your retinas and invest in a white stick.



Maje
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12 Sep 2011, 7:36 am

An NT gave me the advice to put on a look-through-people-face which he showed me. That has helped.

If I already am thinking about something while walking past people I dont have any issue, and therefore I plan my day etc. That also helps.



jackbus01
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12 Sep 2011, 8:26 am

Walk past them, but don't make eye contact. Also don't smile and walk briskly. I naturally speed-walk so this isn't a problem. If you make eye-contact accidently then people assume you want something from them. No one bothers me, in fact I am actually sometimes chided for not smiling enough. Looking down makes you appear vulnerable but looking ahead off to the distance shows that you are confident. No eye-contact!



leviathans
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12 Sep 2011, 2:24 pm

Haha, I feel so aspie from identifying to this problem. I can't believe how simple natural things can be so much more complex for us.



Joe90
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13 Sep 2011, 1:01 pm

Quote:
Walk past them, but don't make eye contact. Also don't smile and walk briskly. I naturally speed-walk so this isn't a problem. If you make eye-contact accidently then people assume you want something from them. No one bothers me, in fact I am actually sometimes chided for not smiling enough. Looking down makes you appear vulnerable but looking ahead off to the distance shows that you are confident. No eye-contact!


Yeh, this is a good idea, but I might know the person who I'm walking by. I do look at the person way before they approach me, but I can't always recognise someone until they're closer, and by then they will catch my eye and stare at me, which is what I don't want. But I don't like to whizz past somebody if I know them because I feel rude or unfriendly. I know a lot of people around where I live, so I'm likely to pass somebody I know, although it is like a 40 percent chance that I will pass a person I know, but that's still quite a high probability.

Once I was walking along, and I saw a group of 15-year-old lads walking towards me. I get very anxious walking past teenagers, and I definately know not to look at them because usually teenagers shout out something or do some annoying gesture when you're looking at them, so I looked down. Then one of them stopped and said, ''hello!'' It was in a friendly way, but I still thought they might be trying to get my attention, so I turned away and almost went to carry on walking - but luckily something clicked in my mind and I suddenly recognised the voice, and it was my cousin. So I quickly turned to him and said, ''oh hello!'' in a really friendly way and he smiled. And they walked on. But I felt awful. And this was all because I didn't look up at them to see who they were. I hate this happening, I really do.


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bakattsura
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13 Sep 2011, 1:17 pm

I find that, depending on where you are, most people appreciate it if you say something to them in passing.

"Beautiful day, isn't it?"

"Too nice to be inside today, huh?"

Though, this is more true on a residential street and in the suburbs than in the city.



persian85033
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13 Sep 2011, 1:20 pm

I hate encountering people when I walk. I usually just stare at the floor, and just look up a little and smile a little smile then quickly turn my attention back to the floor.


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ZaannV
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13 Sep 2011, 2:58 pm

Talk to yourself, then do cartwheels down the road. And if they say something respond with expressive dance and twirls :lol:


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LadySera
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13 Sep 2011, 3:19 pm

Depends on the day, sometimes I just ignore them. Other days I try to do what I've observed NTs doing, the fake smile/nod. However it sometimes comes off as creepy and sometimes people give me a dirty look. I feel that it's all a no win situation, xd.



Joe90
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13 Sep 2011, 3:22 pm

LadySera wrote:
Depends on the day, sometimes I just ignore them. Other days I try to do what I've observed NTs doing, the fake smile/nod. However it sometimes comes off as creepy and sometimes people give me a dirty look. I feel that it's all a no win situation, xd.


Yer, that happens to me too. I try to be confident, but I get pushed down even further. I know some people might be in a bad mood, but if I was in a bad mood (which normally I am because I'm very inpatient with people), a little smile from somebody makes me feel a little better, and I just give a smile or a friendly look back. It's all worthwhile. But, believe it or not, NTs can be selfish and rude.


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fleurdelily
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13 Sep 2011, 3:26 pm

another thought, just to complicate the issue..... if you give off "nervous vibes" and you mark yourself an easy victim to muggers and criminals. >>> not to add to the pressure, or anything, but I totally have this whole problem too. It's gotten better as I get older, but it was hell in high school. I tried to be invisible, and {largely succeeded}

edited to add the word "if"... to make my comment more general, and less personal, and because I always have to edit, it's a fault of mine


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ZaannV
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13 Sep 2011, 3:31 pm

fleurdelily wrote:
another thought, just to complicate the issue..... if you give off "nervous vibes" and you mark yourself an easy victim to muggers and criminals. >>> not to add to the pressure, or anything, but I totally have this whole problem too. It's gotten better as I get older, but it was hell in high school. I tried to be invisible, and {largely succeeded}

edited to add the word "if"... to make my comment more general, and less personal, and because I always have to edit, it's a fault of mine


omg yes, exactly that. Ive always attracted 'bad company' and evil people. what is with the vibes?


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Joe90
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13 Sep 2011, 3:59 pm

But this is why I hate myself - whatever mood I'm in and whatever posture I have and whatever clothes I wear, I still give off these vibes. I really don't know how to stop them. I wish vibes weren't true - I hate them. They're invisible yet visible!

But this doesn't neceesarily attract murderers. What about that woman who got her head cut off in a shop in Tenerif? She was just some random person who the psycho saw first and decided to kill. Nobody said anything about Asperger's. And my brother's mate, who is a really confident young man, got randomly beat up in the street by random boys, when he was just taking his girlfriend home. So no, without scaring me any more, there is absolutely no proof that Autistics only are more likely to get murdered. Maybe teased or bullied, but not murdered. Murderers are just psychos who like to murder or rape the nearest person.


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fleurdelily
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13 Sep 2011, 6:10 pm

http://lifehacker.com/5674336/how-to-te ... ood-victim


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