Training an aspie

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I apologize if this is a little irrelevant, but I just want to say that all of these tips are valuable to me as well...I always have the urge to 'correct' people on the spectrum who are noticably socially impaired, whereas my own social skills are fine and I can blend in successfully with most NTs.

OP, I feel you completely. On one hand, I want whoever is involved to not feel restrained, but at the same time, I worry about other people think of them, and don't want them to feel embarassed. It's a tough situation.

Keep the responses coming!

If your friend has not asked for your help and input, then what you are doing is unethical. Your inexperienced attempts at life coaching are as likely to traumatize him as to help him.

And OP, you think you are blending in perfectly but your post shows a classic AS trait--pedantic speech. Perhaps you're not quite as self-aware as you think.

It is far from the same as suicide and anorexia and this comparison is insulting.

People can be happy, alive, and healthy without interacting with the rest of the world. People who are suicidal and/or have anorexia aren't happy and healthy. The fact that I care far more about being myself than fitting in, doesn't mean I'm comparable to someone attempting to kill themselves.


As for helping him, I have to echo the others. Does he want the help? Does he have particular areas he wants help with? Don't force your views of what's right on someone else, help him with what he wants. Especially because being 10 to 15-faced often leads to autistic burnout.

It seems the majority of the posters here is strong-willed and would be in the position of the one who teaches rather than the one who is being taught. I can relate to the situation the OP describes, from the viewpoint of the person he deals with.

I have a friend with whom we discuss recent events and situations of my life on a weekly basis during supper and some time after, including social behavior related stuff. I think he himself has some traits of AS, while I'm probably on the spectrum.

I've never explicitly solicited for his help, it just happened. I can't fully understand the concept of unsolicited help. I accept any help that I see as being relevant and valuable. Being a naturally weak-willed person (is there a separate disorder for that?) does not mean I don't have suspicions. It's only that I have a hard time deciding what should I think of this or that suggestion of his sometimes. In the end, it's me who has to take responsibility for my actions, not him, I know it perfectly, I learned it the hard way.

I don't mind if I have to hear some criticism regarding what behavior or act I should avoid as long as there are positive suggestions too. It's up to me to decide if I take a suggestion or not anyway. It's also true that I prefer to have understanding of the subject, so I welcome explanations rather than concrete advices regarding behavior or what to do / not to do.

Why don't you just tell your friend what you think and offer your help if he wants it? Most Aspies like direct communication. He might be perfectly receptive to tips from you, but it's better to help him with his knowledge that he is being helped.

I knew a guy who did try to correct my body language, and I appreciated it. I have a habit of looking upwards while people are talking to me or right after they say their thing, and this looks like rude eye-rolling, even though I have no such intentions in my mind. So he told me about it and said that it gave the wrong impression and whenever we were together, he would say something if he caught me doing it. It became a joke between us, but I was happy that he pointed it out to me, because I would not have known otherwise that I was offending people left and right.

2 Tips:

1. Do it in private.
2. Don't speak of "training" him. He's a human being not a dog!