How can you tell that people are bored?

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Joe90
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01 Oct 2011, 4:43 pm

swbluto wrote:

monstermunch wrote:

Quote:

If I am talking to someone and then all of a sudden they started talking to another person, I get the hint but it makes me mad they do that because I find it so rude. I also get the hint if they aren't saying anything or showing any reactions. I just assume they are not interested because that is what I do when I am not interested. I don't say anything.

I have this. Once I said to a friend, ''I feel self-conscious today'', and I knew she heard, but because I'm always going on about that sort of thing, she turned to another person and said, ''so what time is your boyfriend coming then?''
I can't explain how, but I knew she did that on purpose because I could tell in her face that she was thinking, ''here we go again - I ain't listening to this!'' It made me feel mad inside because it makes me feel like I'm always the bad one and they're the good ones who are just conforming socially and I'm sure sometimes people make themselves look more ''normal'' and ''innocent'' than me, and seem proud of it. I hate looking and feeling rock bottom. It makes me feel ashamed.

I've also had people turn the TV up loud when I was trying to talk. That made me feel really awkward. It made me feel so awkward that I had a funny sensation in the back of my throat and I felt sick (not sure if anybody else gets this or not when feeling hurt or upset or stupid?)

Yeah, it's not especially socially acceptable to be self-deprecatory or to try to get pity for the way you're feeling, especially if it involves how others think of you or some such. The exception is when it's for humor to ease a situation where you've made an embarrassing mistake.

As much as I like to talk about my neurotic interest in the disorders I speculate I have, it's not exactly something I share with real life individuals because I know they dislike it, unless they're particularly close as with relatives. But, even that has limits. It's one thing funny about society is that how well you're treated has a good deal to do with your self-image.

This is why I have Social Phobia. I always get afraid of things like this happening. I don't like embarrassing mistakes. It just makes me feel more angry with myself, and wish even more that I was NT.

Monstermunch, I thought you was an NT? Unless sometimes NTs can feel like this, if they have social phobia.

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monstermunch
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01 Oct 2011, 4:48 pm

Quote:

Monstermunch, I thought you was an NT? Unless sometimes NTs can feel like this, if they have social phobia.

Actually my autistic brother wrote this. He sometimes likes to write how he feels, so I let him use my account on WP because he doesn't usually use this one. He uses other forums.

I do actually know someone with social phobia, but she has a few autistic relatives. There is a page here you can read up on social phobia here. http://www.nevdgp.org.au/info/topics/de ... cklist.htm

Joe90
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01 Oct 2011, 4:57 pm

monstermunch wrote:

Quote:

Monstermunch, I thought you was an NT? Unless sometimes NTs can feel like this, if they have social phobia.

Every single thing on that checklist describes me exactly, and I mean exactly. If it were a puzzle it would fit just perfectly. I don't miss social cues. I just fear embarrassment and judgements. I can't believe how much I fit that checklist. I was always told that AS was different to Social Phobia, but I seem to tick all the boxes for Social Phobia, whereas when it comes to looking at the AS symptoms, I only tick a few of the boxes. But I do have AS because A, I was diagnosed at 8, and B, I have sensory issues, obsessions, anxieties, like routine, have frequent uncontrollable outbursts, and many more symptoms that are outside the social criteria for AS.

OK, we've got a bit off-topic here. Sorry about that.

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y-pod
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01 Oct 2011, 5:43 pm

I think I can safely assume that people I talk to are always bored. Unless we're talking about some very important issues that matter very much to THEIR life, then they keep attention for a while. Once I start talking about myself they instantly switch off.

Oh there's one exception, if we're all complaining about the same thing (or person) then they're very engaged and the focus and attention is amazing.

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TimeAndTea
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01 Oct 2011, 8:24 pm

I usually notice if I've been talking for a while and they haven't said anything for a while or don't make any comments beyond 'oh.' I usually take that as a cue for letting them take over the conversation. Beyond that, I have no idea, unless they actually tell me or change the topic themselves.

Ellytoad
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01 Oct 2011, 8:32 pm

Joe90 wrote:

I always get afraid of things like this happening. I don't like embarrassing mistakes. It just makes me feel more angry with myself, and wish even more that I was NT.

Me too. It makes me feel kind of inconsequential on top of that.

marshall
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01 Oct 2011, 11:11 pm

If they say "oh" or "uh huh" in a flat tone of voice and don't give any other feedback then they might be bored. It might also mean they're clueless on your chosen topic and thus don't have much to say. Or they could be preoccupied with other thoughts, or just in an un-talkative mood. In any case it's probably better to stop and ask them how they are doing to see if they want to talk about anything.

In polite company a lot of people will say "wow" or "that's interesting" in a positive tone for the sake of being courteous. That indicates that they're willing to continue listening to your topic. They still might not be genuinely interested though. I assume others are not always genuine because I know that sometimes I have to try really hard not to appear bored (though I probably fail more than not) because I don't want to give the impression that I don't like the person. If they actually give feedback or mention personal anecdotes related to the topic then it's pretty safe to say they really are interested and not bored.

This is my analysis anyways.

swbluto
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02 Oct 2011, 12:24 am

marshall wrote:

In polite company a lot of people will say "wow" or "that's interesting" in a positive tone for the sake of being courteous.

Wow. That's interesting.

Seriously, I say those two phrases like all the time when I have nothing to reply but yet I found what they had to say interesting. I wonder if that means I'm NT? Hmmmm...

I_am_Alexis
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02 Oct 2011, 12:31 pm

They say "uh-huh" or "cool" instead of making real conversation.

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02 Oct 2011, 12:57 pm

I never know if someone is bored unless they say they're bored, or I ask them directly.

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02 Oct 2011, 5:26 pm

When they add nothing but the occasional obligatory "uh huh" to the conversation.
Seem preoccupied with something else.
When asked their opinion on something you've been taking about they ask what the question was.
Fidgeting.
etc..........

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