How good are you at lying?

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I'm a very good liar now. Throughout my childhood and teenage years, my parents punished for things I did regardless of whether I told the truth or lied. So if I lied, I had a somewhat decent chance of getting away scot-free. If I told the truth, my chance was slim to bupkus. Lying was pretty much a necessity the whole time I was growing up. As with learning how to do anything else, I messed up a lot at first (i.e., got caught and punished). But I persisted, and became the good liar that I am today. Now I can lie to just about anyone, and I mean anyone: my parents, my friends (very rarely), salespeople, my bosses, even police officers. I harness the aspects of AS, such as having an unemotional voice and facial expression, and use them for my own benefit. In the past three years, I was only caught four times out of the hundreds of lies I told.

If you want to be able to pass of your lies as truth, here are some tips I can offer you. We aspies have to stick together if we want to thrive in the hostile NT world. So I'm doing my part.
Talk in a flat voice with a straight face. This should be easy if you harness those aspects of your AS. At the same time, use proper body language. For instance, shake your head when you say you didn't do something.
Remember to destroy all evidence properly. If you ate a candy bar when you weren't allowed to, don't just throw the wrapper into the trash. Bury in the backyard (I'm serious), burn it in the fireplace, or throw it into a sewer grate.
Have a compelte story to back up your lie. Make sure you have an answer to any question your parents might ask you about what you did. Have physical evidence (like a used bus ticket or something) if you need to.
Have a few little inaccuracies in the story here or there, so it sounds more believable. If the story sounds too "perfect," people will think you made it up.
Make your story sound as vague as possible. For instance, don't say "going out to such and such a place with so and so". Instead, say "going out".

^All tactics I use, my friend...

I was actually interested in finding this out because in The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time (whose main character is a 15 year old with AS), the main character is completely unable to lie because it's just not what it is or what happened (and that's due his logical reasoning). It was interesting to me to see the reasons why people don't lie. I obviously know it's bad to lie, but for some users to say that they don't lie because it's not what happened was, uh, how can I say this without being offensive? Uhm, intruiging? Would that do? Oh well, you know what I mean, I was interested.

Giving back-up evidence and some thought before-hand is the major rule to lying (or so my friend says). However, this can be darn near impossible when the question you've been asked has been 'popped' up. Keep to the truth, y'all!

Aspie1's got it.
I lie too damned well (and usually about stupid crap) but with me it's more of a case of sometimes having my mind run away with a story and before I know it, the wierdest crap starts spewing out of my mouth and I either have to start backtracking or pass it off as a joke. And then I start feeling like crap because it's the same old stupid cycle all over again.
At the same time, tho, setting out to lie from the outset of something just makes me feel Bad Dog. And gawd forbid I pull it off... that opens days n days of self-recrimination and so on.

I have serious problems with lying. I am even reluctant to tell a little white lie. I'm not sure it's that I can't pull it off believably but that I have moral problems with doing it in the first place. In fact, I was playing a game where my goal was to be the bad guy while everyone else was trying to be a good guy. I was supposed to deceive everyone and work against them. I managed this fine because it was exactly what I was supposed to do in the context of the game. It didn't seem immoral at all. I was just an actor playing a part. However, ask me what I think of your new dress and my mind will work very quickly to come up with something that is technically true and hopefully won't hurt your feelings too badly.

I'm terrible at lying, because it requires in general having to keep your lies straight, and except for things where it's to save a life or something, I can't be bothered.

This is a lie.

Werbert, you filthy little liar.
Go see Uncle Grandma for a spanking.

I'm an excellent liar. Shame, I don't lie enough.

Reading this thread made me realize one thing. Isn't ironic how parents' strictness actually teaches bad behavior? Throughout my childhood, I knew that I would be punished equally whether I fessed up to something bad or let my parents find out for themselves. So if I could cover something up, I could avoid a punishment altogether. It was hard at first, with my limited life experience and all. But over many years, I perfected my lying skill amazingly, even though it took over a decade. I can now lie to just about anyone. I guess that's the only good that came out of my childhood.

This should go one of my favorite sayings on the "What are some of your favorite sayings thread" but to be a good liar you need a good memory and I do not have such a good memory, so I definitely would not tell a lie when to truth will do.

Is it also a lie to avoid hurting someone,not because you don't dare to tell the truth,but only because you don't want to hurt him?

I think we should stop telling the little lies.. I.E. someone bakes you something, you should tell them if it sucks (when it does).. They should go 'oh, ok I'll try and improve' rather then cry about it

ok not in such harsh words but hopefully the idea is there

Sometimes lies can work for the greater good in order to expose a more sinister lie. Like I saw a segment when an investigative journalist set out to expose China for its trade in transplant organs from executed prisoners. The Chinese medical establishment denied this practive but the journalist in order to extract the truth told a little white lie about how one of his relatives urgently needed a transplant. He was told there will be a new batch of transplants before the turn of the Chinese New Year after the next bout prisoner executions.

none of these answers work for me. if need is there, i can lie my ass of without creating even the slightest suspicion. but i hardly ever lie, as i highly believe in trueth.

also lieing is almost just a simple little trick that anyone can learn.
pretty much its not lieing.

instead of saying what-ever is the opposite of the trueth in a most blatent way...
try...forgetting what is in reality the trueth, and replace that in your head with what your trying to make someone believe.