Empathy

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from what you said later in your post id say you lack empathy...

and i think lisa feeling bad for bart is more in the line of sympathy then empathy. but mostly empathy is a prerequisite for sympathy.

Well, you can have no empathy (I don't, really) and still be very sympathetic. When I see someone suffering, I don't feel the way they do--I don't feel any different, really--but I do want, intensely, to make them feel better. I do get emotionally involved, feeling quite desperate to help, disappointed if I fail, and elated if I succeed; but I don't mimic the emotion of the person I'm with.

I do have empathy for animals, though. It's limited, but it's more than I've seen most humans display.

That's interesting to me as these pretty much describe situations that I react deeply to. I've been 'told off' because apparently I'm supposed to be sympathetic towards a relative who's had the 'misfortune' to have his driving licence removed for drunk-driving. To me , he took an unecessary, foolish risk and deserves what he got.

I always have to fake empathy for people who've become unstuck through taking some risk and it not working to their advantage.

Irish Eyes: Your mother doesn't appear to be showing you any empathy at all in this case. Seems a bit hypocritical.

Not exactly Empathy or Sympathy, but recently in class someone turned up late to class and the teacher said
"If you're going to be this late to school you'll never get anywhere in life."
The student asked "Why?"
"Well you're always late." the teacher said, "ALWAYS. If you're gonna be like this when you get a job, you'll be fired for sure."
"But it's just school." the student said
"Yes," the teacher said "But school is your preperation for getting a job, and that includes routines, such as arriving on time."
"Miss," I said "We don't care because it's just school. No-one I know of really cares THAT much about school to set a goal of a 100% attendance record. Because it's school the urgency just isn't there! Now, if it were a job, I'd obviously be going into 'Brown Alert' if I were late, because money is on the line."

It shut her up quite nicely. Later on I was thanked by another student for sticking up for the other student like that. How's this relate to Empathy/Sympathy/Whateverathy? Well, I was seeing the situation from the late student's point of view, so much so that I stuck up for him. A similar thing happens when a student's phone goes off in class. If it's their Mom, sure they're fine, but if it's another student, why don't you punish the one on the other end of the line (this was solved by a friend saying that it'd be too much of a hassle)?

Okay, back on-topic everyone! I always got wound up about much of the stuff going on in the Middle-East. Firing multiple long range missiles at another country over four hostages? Over the top, if you ask me. Why are they fighting in the first place? It all baffles me.

was that directed at me?

well yeah

yeah i think that would be a perfect example of sympathy without empathy.

but empathy is not really duplicating the feeling someone has, it has more to do with understanding how or why they feel the way they do, other then dry knowledge of what there sad about.

I'm taking that as you were replying to my post when I asked if it was directed at me.


How am I lacking empathy. Is what I'm doing not good enough? Or is it because I don't get the same emotions someone else is having? Or is it because I always have to ask how someone is feeling and why they're feeling that way, etc. because I just can't read their mind.

you siad this no?
"I learned what to do when soemthign bad happens to smemone you know just by watching TV and movies and from seeing what people do to me when they see me upset. They ask me what's wrong and all so i do the same thing to others. So I learned you say ' I'm sorry' when your friend or someone you care about tells you something bad like someone passed away in their family or their car got wrecked or their pet died, etc etc etc."

so you dont naturally know how to react to someone telling you about something sad or hurtfull. the "im sorry" and the "that sux and the "ooo" are more of preprogrammed responses you learned to give by seeing other people do so in these circumstances so you know that is whats expected of you. so its not genuine empathy.

i still counts though, your sure not a bad person because of it, and if it works why would it not be good enough?
if anything, youv truely made an effort for this, and managed to learn how to do these situations dispite lacking the ability to naturaly respond properly by empathatically sensing what something emotionally means to that person adn what respons from you would hence be the appropriate way to express your sympathy.

(yeah i like overly formulated sentences)
in fact id applaud you for it, i know this can be difficult, the odd world of the emotional creatures, conforming to convention that feel alien to you.

I don't think it's your fault if you "lack empathy". Some people get caught up in others' emotions; some don't.

It's what you do when you understand someone else is suffering that counts, isn't it? After all, you have a choice about what you do; and not much choice about what you feel.

I guess I should have voted sometimes.

On April 23rd of this year, a friend of my family suddendly died by a heart attack. I remember him as a happy person very talkative and he always gave us (my siblings and me) candies and gifts; my sister and me played with her son when we were kids. All my family cried because of his death, except for me.

When I ask my family "Why are you crying?", they aswer me "Because I feel sorrow whe I see crying all his family". Maybe some people see me as

Sometimes, I copy some dialogues from TV or human conversations and I use them in real life, but I don't feel anything. I only repeat something, in order people feels better. But I don't know how to cry when I don't have the feeling.

i cry alot. a little too much. but i really cannot and am not able to comfort my friends who've had a close relative pass away. i at best, can say "My condolences" but i never ever say "I'm sorry" or anything along those lines because i don't feel it. it's not to say i won't feel sad if my grandma died, i'd probably bawl my eyes out, but i can't equate my feelings for my grandma to my friend's feelings for their grandparent.

the mimicry comes from me wanting desperately to fit in. not because i felt it was the 'right' thing to do, but more because i was afraid my non-reaction would spark a negative response.