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Faking it vs. acquiring skills

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League_Girl
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13 Nov 2011, 1:14 pm

I actually had very poor social skills growing up and they got better in my teens. I improved them myself. All aspies have some social skills but they are just below the age level. I don't believe anyone when they say they have no social skills. One of my aspie friends would never tell a pregnant woman she is big and she claims to have no social skills. Well not telling someone they are big is a social skill so therefore she has some.



Sweetleaf
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13 Nov 2011, 1:19 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I actually had very poor social skills growing up and they got better in my teens. I improved them myself. All aspies have some social skills but they are just below the age level. I don't believe anyone when they say they have no social skills. One of my aspie friends would never tell a pregnant woman she is big and she claims to have no social skills. Well not telling someone they are big is a social skill so therefore she has some.


I don't feel like that is quite accurate, I mean as a child I found it much easier to talk to adults then other kids, because I liked to talk about things that most little kids did not even comprehend to well. I feel like my social abilities just differ from the norm, I doubt I could relate my social skills to a specific age under my true age. There may be a couple things here and there which could be seen as below my age level but that seems a bit too simple to describe it.



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13 Nov 2011, 4:56 pm

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100% true, see I work at the Supermarket, and we need to act all cheerful and stuff and yes a lot of it is fake. My co-worker who works at customer service, always has this very cheer tone and laughs at everything(even when its not funny). And in the break room, she is talking about how she wanted to strangle a customer. Yeah....For me its a lot of fake smile, follow script, do work, etc. Then when I leave the floor for a break, I decompress and don't talk to my co-workers much and walk around with the "aspie" face.


I reckon being in customer service is good training. I used to work at Starbucks, and they teach you exactly what to say and how to say it, and they have a saying: the customer is always right, but the customer is not always correct. When facing customers, even NTs are "faking it", it isn't really something that's specific to us. Maybe for us it's much more tiring, but well, if it wasn't then you wouldn't be here, you'd be at some forum called RightPlanet.com.



League_Girl
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13 Nov 2011, 5:32 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I actually had very poor social skills growing up and they got better in my teens. I improved them myself. All aspies have some social skills but they are just below the age level. I don't believe anyone when they say they have no social skills. One of my aspie friends would never tell a pregnant woman she is big and she claims to have no social skills. Well not telling someone they are big is a social skill so therefore she has some.


I don't feel like that is quite accurate, I mean as a child I found it much easier to talk to adults then other kids, because I liked to talk about things that most little kids did not even comprehend to well. I feel like my social abilities just differ from the norm, I doubt I could relate my social skills to a specific age under my true age. There may be a couple things here and there which could be seen as below my age level but that seems a bit too simple to describe it.


Your response made no sense because I don't see how what I said wasn't accurate and how it relates to what you said. Are you sure you quoted the right post?



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13 Nov 2011, 6:45 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
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But when you look at it another way, "faking it" can exist because even NTs fake it too. They fake small talk because they are talking about things they have no interest in and they don't want real answers. Even store employees fake their enthusiasm for their customers and have to fake small talk or use scripts like 'Hello, welcome to Wal-Mart" and I am sure professionals fake it too because they can't be blunt and say what they mean because they don't want to lose their jobs. They also fake interests. If you're having a bad day, you have to hide your feelings and pretend to be happy and do fake smiles.


100% true, see I work at the Supermarket, and we need to act all cheerful and stuff and yes a lot of it is fake. My co-worker who works at customer service, always has this very cheer tone and laughs at everything(even when its not funny). And in the break room, she is talking about how she wanted to strangle a customer. Yeah....For me its a lot of fake smile, follow script, do work, etc. Then when I leave the floor for a break, I decompress and don't talk to my co-workers much and walk around with the "aspie" face. Course we're getting into the holidays and work has been too exhausting for me. I'm not sure if I can ask for a small cut in hrs.


How does one act cheerfull and stuff when their brain is trapped in the depths of hell?


See bolded.


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13 Nov 2011, 7:16 pm

Personally, I don't think it's natural, the sociability aspect. Remember it's a neurological difference. As a teenager, I pretty much imitated extroverts, and that's how I was able to get along with other people and family. I never looked forward to it. I'd be very exhausted by the end of the time I spent with people, and lock myself up in my bedroom alone. Even then, people still thought I was shy. That coping method quit working in my mid-20's.

I don't much try to act "interested" in others anymore. I'm just polite about it. I say 'acting interested' because I'm very rarely interested in other people. I don't think sociability will ever be natural, it's usually forced, whether by neighbors, going out to the store, or family. It would just be a skill I can improve but whether I come off as normal or not is not for me to say. That is the opinion of other people. Even now, there are still people who don't think I have asperger's syndrome and other people who do.



Last edited by leozelig on 14 Nov 2011, 1:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

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13 Nov 2011, 8:54 pm

I wonder who many aspies are in marketing or other BS professions :wink:


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Sweetleaf
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14 Nov 2011, 1:34 am

League_Girl wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I actually had very poor social skills growing up and they got better in my teens. I improved them myself. All aspies have some social skills but they are just below the age level. I don't believe anyone when they say they have no social skills. One of my aspie friends would never tell a pregnant woman she is big and she claims to have no social skills. Well not telling someone they are big is a social skill so therefore she has some.


I don't feel like that is quite accurate, I mean as a child I found it much easier to talk to adults then other kids, because I liked to talk about things that most little kids did not even comprehend to well. I feel like my social abilities just differ from the norm, I doubt I could relate my social skills to a specific age under my true age. There may be a couple things here and there which could be seen as below my age level but that seems a bit too simple to describe it.


Your response made no sense because I don't see how what I said wasn't accurate and how it relates to what you said. Are you sure you quoted the right post?


I was just kinda disagreeing with the part about aspies having social skills below their age level...........because I don't think it's quite that simple. I mean I can kinda see how someone without autism or AS might see it that way but too me it seems more complex like maybe some of us just have a different way of socialising that does not nessisarly correlate with the way a specific NT age group would socialize.........sorry if that's confusing, its kinda hard to word what I'm trying to say.



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14 Nov 2011, 1:36 am

Who_Am_I wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Ai_Ling wrote:
Quote:
But when you look at it another way, "faking it" can exist because even NTs fake it too. They fake small talk because they are talking about things they have no interest in and they don't want real answers. Even store employees fake their enthusiasm for their customers and have to fake small talk or use scripts like 'Hello, welcome to Wal-Mart" and I am sure professionals fake it too because they can't be blunt and say what they mean because they don't want to lose their jobs. They also fake interests. If you're having a bad day, you have to hide your feelings and pretend to be happy and do fake smiles.


100% true, see I work at the Supermarket, and we need to act all cheerful and stuff and yes a lot of it is fake. My co-worker who works at customer service, always has this very cheer tone and laughs at everything(even when its not funny). And in the break room, she is talking about how she wanted to strangle a customer. Yeah....For me its a lot of fake smile, follow script, do work, etc. Then when I leave the floor for a break, I decompress and don't talk to my co-workers much and walk around with the "aspie" face. Course we're getting into the holidays and work has been too exhausting for me. I'm not sure if I can ask for a small cut in hrs.


How does one act cheerfull and stuff when their brain is trapped in the depths of hell?


See bolded.


yes well I fail at acting like i am perfectly fine when my brain is trapped in the depths of hell........I am just not a very good actress.



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14 Nov 2011, 7:58 pm

My Gp keeps telling me to fake it till I make it what one earth is he on about fake what make it to where ? :)

Sounds like new age clap trap to me :P


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14 Nov 2011, 8:04 pm

I don't think there is a difference. I think it's just a matter of word choices for the same thing. I'm leaning away from the word fake myself. I don't like it, but I will use it on occasion if others are using it just to avoid confusing the conversation.


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14 Nov 2011, 8:06 pm

aussiebloke wrote:
My Gp keeps telling me to fake it till I make it what one earth is he on about fake what make it to where ? :)

Sounds like new age clap trap to me :P


Fake everything. Where you make it to? You'll find out when you get there.

Geez! It's pretty simple. :roll:

:P


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aussiebloke
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14 Nov 2011, 8:14 pm

MrXxx wrote:
aussiebloke wrote:
My Gp keeps telling me to fake it till I make it what one earth is he on about fake what make it to where ? :)

Sounds like new age clap trap to me :P


Fake everything. Where you make it to? You'll find out when you get there.

Geez! It's pretty simple. :roll:

:P


Well it's nice to know I'm not only one who does not get it. :wink:

My current Gp while a good guy does not believe I'm aspie. 8O

Thankfully some Gp's get it :) the 1 st one I saw I told him I was just recently DX aspie and I'm having a massive mental break down almost straight away he put me on disbaility he got it :wink: and not once did he tell me to fake it :wink:


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14 Nov 2011, 8:54 pm

Is faking it when someone asks do you like their new shirt and you don't but say yes anyway?

I do that...

I think it's better to gain skills because from what I've heard about faking it the person still feels miserable.


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14 Nov 2011, 8:59 pm

pensieve wrote:
Is faking it when someone asks do you like their new shirt and you don't but say yes anyway?

I do that...

I think it's better to gain skills because from what I've heard about faking it the person still feels miserable.


I'd prefer the truth :wink: and than you explain to me whats wrong with it , why lie ?


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