I think my Aspergers makes it impossible for me to socialize

Page 2 of 2 [ 20 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,317
Location: Pacific Northwest

14 Nov 2011, 1:13 pm

I prefer one and one, not a group of people. I do fine with small groups but not with big ones. I have also lost friends too online. I assume I lost them because I would never see them on again or they stopped responding to my IMs or emails. I just assume they are ignoring me when they ignore me the first couple of times. I figure if they aren't ignoring me and they are just busy, they will contact me and they don't.

I also come off as a troll online and when I first started posting at 17 years of age, I was incredibly naive and appeared innocent. I was targeted for bullying and ridicule. Now I am shy and am always shy to make threads. When I do make a thread, I feel I am always taking chances. I have no idea how they be interpreted or taken as.



CyclopsSummers
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jun 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,172
Location: The Netherlands

14 Nov 2011, 2:27 pm

GreySun, I can recognize some of the things you (and others) are saying here. The one-on-one communication being easier than talking to two or more people, especially. In my own perception, it's as if when you talk to one person, the communication is at its 'purest', if that makes sense. My focus will be entirely on that person, and I tend to genuinely enjoy the communication with them if it's an interesting, meaningful conversation. As soon I'm in the company of two people, or three, or four, or more... it's like the people I'm interacting with are... losing some of the inherent things that make each of them fun to interact with. Because when socialising in a group, it's as if every member of the group has to compromise, and hold back a little bit of themselves. Kind of limit themselves to what they as a group can agree on, at least that's what it seems like to me.

As for the most important part of your post, your self-perceived 'jerkish' behaviour toward others, trying to get attention. I know I've done that in the past, too. Why was I doin that? Speaking for myself, I think there was a fair bit of egotism in play. Since autism tends to place the focus in our minds on the 'me, me, me', and our empathic skills tend to be lacking to begin with, we're prone to this kind of thing, and sometimes it comes out in obnoxious forms.
In my own personal experience, I've found that I could correct myself by approaching it rationally and stopping myself when -or even before- I was about to step out of line. In the beginning (my mid-teens) this was quite a bottleneck to go through. But things like this aren't supposed to be easy. They may take some growing pains before you get it right. But it's very, very good that you realise that, in your heart of hearts, this isn't behaviour you want to display. Also, apologizing afterward may do wonders. That also places the things that go wrong in social interactions, to the foreground a little. So your friends will be able to recognise this, too.

Thirdly, I recognise what you mention about autism still showing in online interactions. While at first I found it was easier to communicate my thoughts and ideas on message boards and in chat rooms because there was no eye contact or other non-verbal communication I had to get past, I would sometimes misinterpret posts, or not see when someone was making a joke, etc. etc.

Finally, I'd like to say something in general: socialising isn't inherently bad (or good) as preferring to be alone isn't inherently bad or good. I find that, even though I feel most comfortable spending time by myself, I sometimes desire to be among a crowd, these days sometimes even talk to complete strangers at some social gatherings... and it's not half as scary anymore as it was even 3 years ago.


_________________
clarity of thought before rashness of action


SammichEater
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Mar 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,903

14 Nov 2011, 2:32 pm

psayles56 wrote:
I can kind of relate. I think I have it so badly that I don't think I will be able to work. When I did work people made fun of me and stuff. I have really bad social skills.
:(


Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.


_________________
Remember, all atrocities begin in a sensible place.


ictus75
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 7 Sep 2011
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 432
Location: Just North of South

14 Nov 2011, 5:21 pm

More people = more information to process. One person is easy to process, many people just become noise. Autistics seem to be unable to filter out the majority of background noise that NTs easily ignore. I used to think I was losing my hearing because I have a difficult time understanding people at parties, etc. But my hearing is actually better than most people's, it's just that in a group or noisy situation, I can't filter out all the noise/static, and then my senses become overwhelmed.


_________________
?No great art has ever been made without the artist having known danger? ~ Rainer Maria Rilke