Does anybody here want to get better?

Post Reply New Topic

hi Joe90 you sound in a place I used to be.
I found actively trying to stop systemising when I was in social helped me a lot - unlearningasperger.blogspot.com
I found using REBT (Albert Ellis; his books are great) helped me a lot in reducing anxiety, e.g. 'I would be nice if these people thought I was great, but it's not the end of the world if they don't."
Very best for your journey

Yeah, I've kinda learned to do that naturally. I just sorta learned to walk around like the world is a video game, if that makes sense. Where I'm at now is like, there's not much social anxiety with random people, just I'm afraid to make new friends and stuff again. Like, I'm good with random people and stuff, but once they get to know me, they think I'm weird. But like, I have pretty much NO social anxiety walking around like, at Walmart, cuz I can see that the people's opinions of me there basically matter zero and I'll likely not recognize them again and they won't recognize me. However, in social situations where my actions actually do matter, ie, "hanging out" I kinda suck.

I'd like to get better at paticipating in and understanding social interactions.

I agree AS is not a disease, but that doesn't mean I can't want to better myself. Everyone, AS or not, wants to better themselves at something. I'd also like to get better at welding.

Recent research shows that our mirror neurons are perfectly normal. Don't ask me to dig it up right now. Running out the door and will try to check later.

@SuperTrouper yes I'd love to see that research. (My feeling is AS mirror neurons may in many cases be able to work fine, but are not used; i.e. we can recover some functionality in them if we try to. We have from early days chosen the other route (trying to work it out , like a machine, rather than 'feeling' our way).)

@Cash there must be some simile we can use here! Maybe good welding is smooth, with a gentle consistent heat, and Aspies need to do the same in socialising (not over-hot one minute, switched off the next)....

Do I want to get better? That is such an imprecise question. I have lived with my unique neurology for 54 years. I've also lived with society's reactions to my unique characteristics for 54 years. I've taken a lot of damage as a result. I have also come to like myself for who I am for the most part. Healing is still in process.

I have strengths and weaknesses just like anyone else. It's only been recently that I had any name for the constellation of characteristics that make up my being in the world. Asperger's/ASD and/or ADHD is a whole lot kinder than lazy, weird, you get the idea. What society does is one issue. I will do as much as I can about that, but my main focus is on accommodating my weaknesses and idiosyncrasies without beating myself up about it. Or allowing anyone else to beat me up either.

I would like to heal the depression and anxiety. I would like to find ways to deal with the executive function issues that make it difficult to accomplish stuff I need or want to do to get along in the world. I would like to deal with the fatigue and pain issues that are probably fibromyalgia. Basically, I'd like to do something about the issues that make it difficult for me to more effectively be different. Why in the hell would I want to fit into a society that is corrupt in the first place?

If someone could magically "cure" all the traits that add up to ASD, and all the genetic inheritance that makes me vulnerable to depression and anxiety, and all the rare personality traits that make me different from the majority I would run the other way.

If I didn't have my sensory sensitivity, distortion and sensory overloads I would be in much better shape. I could probably handle the rest of my life better. I wouldn't want to become a social person, I like that part of me: introverted.

Oh yes, I want to get better, but I don't want to be any less autistic.

No than I'd find the things that they find interesting interesting what a boar, than again perhaps not .

Well, I don't know about wanting to be NT, but I certainly wouldn't complain if I woke up tomorrow and felt the way I do on dexedrine and/or Vyvanse all the time, without having to cough up around $250-300/month to pay for it in perpetuity.

Do I want to learn about my behaviours and find ways to adapt to them to make my life less stressful? Yes.

Do I want to trade my creative, original mind in order to become a mind-numbingly, boring, run-of-the-mill "normal person"? Absolutely not.

Get better=Improve by working on your traits so they are less severe. This can apply to anything such as issues you have or traits you have from other conditions or faults you have you want to work on so you don't have them anymore. And of course it can also apply to talents too or work.

I would like to get rid of my learning difficulties. That never got better. I have tried to make it better but couldn't. I have gotten better with my anxiety because it's less severe now than it used to be. I worked at staying calm and not freak out. I have learned to deal with things so no more anxiety. There are other things I like to get rid of so I am better like the shyness, or the laziness or the short attention span or me getting irritated when I get interrupted and it's so hard for me to focus on what the person is saying to me and I get very frustrated when my husband tries to get me to do something else when I am in the middle of something I am focused on intensely, I do this to everyone else too and I snap at them.

Last edited by League_Girl on 24 Nov 2011, 2:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'd like to get better at many things, but I am not exactly enthralled with this idea that being disabled means that one must constantly be working to minimize or overcome their disabilities.

Also, it's kind of strange how someone always appears in one of these threads to tell people who don't want to "get better" that there's something wrong with them. The last one I recall said that not wanting to "correct social deficits" was a sign of a personality disorder.

I'm too negative, as I see "better" containing just as much bad, pain, and struggle as being "badder" entails.

When you start to question the fact that you question yourself, your mind can get really messed up. That's what happened to me. If somebody tell you there is a problem with you thinking that you have a problem with yourself, nothing starts to make sense.

That's part of my problem with it.

There are things about myself that I have no intention of changing, and that I do not think can be changed in the first place, especially after having tried for years in some cases. It's kind of funny how when I explain some of these to people, they act like I'm just being obstinate and stubborn and refuses to "fix it," even though their awareness of it is new and I've been coping for years.