So why make friends in the first place?

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Not all Aspies hate socialising. It can sometimes depend on the context. Like I enjoy meeting up with the few friends that I have got and doing things like going to the cinema, or going out for lunch, or just chilling out at home with them and having a chat. I find that pleasant and also very relaxing. It doesn't exhaust me at all. But going to sociable events like bars or weddings etc, etc, etc, where you got to dress in a certain way and kind of be in a certain way and I'm expected to mix with people who I don't know, is really hard for me and I go into shy mode and don't seem to know how to come out of my shell. I'm just constantly feeling awkward, feeling like everyone's judging me because I'm shy and not talking to anyone, and I just feel like I'm in the wrong place.

But hanging out with friends who are comfortable with me and I'm comfortable with them, really makes a lot of difference. I can be myself a little bit more, and I know they have invited me out with them because they like me, which makes me feel even more happy. Even at my volunteer job I have almost missed the bus because of having a natter with one of the others there before leaving. Some of it is from instinct with me, just like NTs, but there are just some areas where I struggle, like sometimes saying irrelavant things, having difficulty asking the right questions in a conversation, not knowing much about anything, and being afraid of voicing my opinion in case it causes conflict so I tend to agree to everything the other person says even if I don't quite agree with it (not everybody's right about everything).

Also, I sometimes find I've made a friend automatically without realising it. And when somebody is going out of their way to be friendly, you can't just turn around and say ''I'm trying to live my life alone, so I'm not planning on making any friends''. And I like to have friends. Fine if you don't mind living in solitude, that's upto the individual, but I'm just as individual as anyone else, and I just happen to desire to want to make friends.

And I agree with that. I feel that I have an ''inner NT'' inside me that makes me want to do all the things that are considered normal, but I just struggle at some of it. I only have a very mild case of AS, so I have self-awareness to the normal extent, and part of me doesn't want to stand out and part of me likes doing mundane things that fit the norm, but there is just a little part of me that makes me worry all the time and makes me struggle on certain things.

I get what you're saying, I'm going through a similar experience myself but it is me who is shutting out my friend. I don't usually go out of my way to make friends but I do seem to atract people, this is fine as I can be quite sociable but I always know that the time will come where I will withdraw. That time has come. I don't really talk about my having AS and the problems it poses for me and I Know that I wont try to explain this to my friend. what will normally happen is that I will lose my friends and when I eventually come out of my mode I'll start to rebuild again. It's quite sad really because I really do like my friend but she's quite the social butterfly and she wont miss me for long so no one will really get hurt.

If your friend is open with you about their AS and you're a patient and understanding person then there is possibly still some hope for your relationship. I wish you both all the best.x

I think for most aspies, we do crave social contact. But the ideally we would like to be able to be ourselves in that social contact. And for most aspies, social contact in small doses is most ideal. Hanging out frequently can exhaust someone. I'm not sure how often you hung out with your friend but perhaps getting together to hangout once a week for a couple hrs max would have been ideal for them.

But on second thought, your friend may have been desperate for friends. And they came across you who was willing to be there friend and therefore misleadingly feigned intimacy but in reality they werent 100% comfortable with you. I've done that many times and then something went wrong cause the connection wasnt all that genuine.