I've figured out the eye contact thing!

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Funny my shrink did just that. You can actually decrease the sensitivity with exercises. It has worked for me. So I can looks at someone’s eyes, before I couldn't look longer than a second. It would automatically cause me to look away and would be uncomfortable in the eyes.

The best type of dark glasses are not the mirrored ones, it need to be dark but you need to be able to see through but not so much that you can see the whites of their eyes clearly. Tell them to look away then you look at them and they should look at you. Just continue doing this. Then eventually you they need to do so they remove the glasses while they are looking at you. Then just focus on look at them when they are looking in a different direction. You can do it another way round they look away you look at them then close your eyes and they face you then try to open them. Naturally you are going to react to this but keep trying until you improve a little. You don’t actually need to have to look at peoples eyes for long period of time just enough. Finally you can sit on the floor close, take it in turns, one person closes their eyes the other person looks and the first person opens them. It is going to be a little weird you eyes will probably shift a bit you may smirk but try and hold them there for increasing number of seconds.

You will always have sensation with some kinds of eye contact. For instance, I even find this avatar hard to look at!

My brain processes it as a threat, even though it is just a picture.

After that you can learn some actual NT eye techniques.

Staring past all the time is not a good idea in NT body language. It is something that is associated with higher dominance and aggression. Especially if you do it is a fixed way. It mirrors the type of behaviour a male lion will stare through you then if you move a little it won't change its gaze, especially if it is really confident mature one. It is basically saying it doesn't matter want you'll go you won't get away you are nothing. You need to balance you eye constant out, it is ok to do that for a short while then turn looking to the side without turning your head too much, then look at their forehead. Mix it up. Just don’t do it really fast or it will look ridiculous.

Many of the ideas I read here are the reason why people think we're strange.
Wearing sunglasses makes people feel you're distanced from them and creates an unwelcome atmosphere.
Staring someone in the eye, or a specific point in the face is very aggressive and will either make them feel threatened or that they have something weird in their face.
Looking out of focus at, or "behind" people will lead them to believe that you're either high on drugs/mentally deranged, have something wrong with your vision or are part of a dangerous brainwashing cult, so don't do that.

NT's like to make a lot of eye contact.
They don't trust or like people who don't.
If you want to get ahead, you'll better learn the basics.
Here's how NT's do it, broken down in simple instructions.

The social gaze:
Let your point of focus rotate between one eye, the other eye and the mouth, staying about 2-3 seconds on each place.
You may do it any direction or change directions at any time you like.
2-3 seconds is a good rule of thumb.
Less than that and you seem timid. More than that or you seem either attracted to or hostile against them.
Use this gaze if unsure.
After a while, you'll manage this like it's no business and you'll even be able to think at the same time...

The intimate gaze:
This one is like the social, but it stretches further down, to the groin if you're at a distance or to the chest at close range.
This is the gaze you use when you're intimately interested in someone.
The other person can/may perceive this and understand your interest.
Women are, of course, always more perceptive of body language.
The more often you look down, the more interested you seem, which may or may not have good consequences.
Since women have a wider angle of vision with focus (about 45 degrees, while men have tunnel vision), they can most often get away with "checking out" someone, just doing it out of the corner of their eyes, so if you're a guy, you might have trouble catching this.
Also remember, the more you look (nonthreateningly) into someone's eyes, the more attraction will build up.

The power gaze:
The power gaze goes from eye to eye to the "third eye", or the spot in the middle of the forehead, above the nose.
This is a very aggressive way to look at someone and makes them feel unwelcome and threatened.
Should only be used with people you dislike and whom you want to leave, or issue a challenge to.
There's warning labels all over this one, because some people might be inclined to violence if you use it.
Use with caution.
This is very similar to just staring a a fixed point, like one eye or at their forehead, so don't do that!

There's also The power stare:
Don't blink. Maintain eye contact using the power gaze. Narrow your eye lids. Focus closely on the person.
If there's more than one person, slowly pan from one person to another without blinking by first moving your eyeballs to the nex position and then letting your head follow. Shoulders should not move.
That'll scare the crap out of them.

Some statistics for the people who memorizes facts:
The amount of time you should look someone in the eyes is about 60%, so about 40% of the time, you can look away.
While talking, you should look about 40% of the time.
While listening, about 75% of the time.
And your eyes should meet about 30% of the time (for about 1.2 seconds instead of 3).

The more you look at a person, the more you will appear to like them.
It will also make them begin to like you.

Sorry where did you get these facts? 40% is sometimes way too high depending on the situation. it is actually a myth that you need maintain eye contact during a conversation. You need to glance at them to acknowledge what they have said.

Trust is a natural thing. If you don't trust them then you should look at them less. The more you trust the person the more you look at them up to a point. Don’t just look at someone you don’t know 40% of the time, they are not going to think you are trustworthy.

ion, where did you get this stuff out of interest? Psych texts, personal observation? Are you AS or NT?
And, I'm afraid I have to say...

Honestly, unless it's absolutely critical (I'm sure I can pull this off in a job interview, for instance) I'd rather not feel as deeply uncomfortable as this would make me. I seem to do OK with socialisation without doing this, and frankly if it were the price for socialisation, I don't believe it would be worth paying.

"The Definite book of Body language", Allan & Barbara Pease, ISBN: 978-0-7528-5878-4
The figures are for "Western cultures". Other cultures have other figures, but I picked those which would be of interest.
Been studying it for over 30 years.
They know their stuff...



I'm AS, which is why I have taken an interest in this, because I want to be better than just "seem to do OK".
The thing is, NT's generally don't know s**t about how these things work.
It just comes naturally to them, but then again, so does digestion, and do you know how digestion works?

If you know the hidden rules and tricks behind human interaction, then you have a serious advantage over ordinary people (not to be used unethically, of course, because that would be wrooong... ).
You're not interested in going from somewhat of a (pardon the word) ret*d to somewhat of a superhuman?

I am.