Am I the Lone Aspie Who Enjoys Being Alone?

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I thought I could be the last person on Earth with no problem (assuming biological needs for taken care of) but since I've been on my own I've found it tough being alone most of the time. Even with work and being at social activities 3-4 times a week it's still hard to deal with. I like my solitude but it's tough dealing with it all the time.

I'm in a relationship right now but am perfectly content to be alone for long periods of time. I can pretty much get all my social needs met by posting on forums and occasionally walking around in a public place, not interacting with anyone. The times in my life when I lived that way were pleasant ones. Solitude = freedom and peace.

Oh yeah I love being alone sometimes. Being around people can be pretty exhausting.

I prefer being alone as much as possible. I have a few close friends whom I talk to and see occasionally, but other than them people generally get on my nerves. I hate small talk; unless I consider the particular person my friend, I do not care if their son is on the honor roll or what they had for dinner or what they're doing later that day. And I feel like people are invading my space if they are persistently trying to make small talk. This is a problem at work, because I have to take my break with 4 other people and they all try to make conversation while they eat. I am seen as a snob/depressed person/shy person if I do not join in.

I'm with you on this one. I like and need my alone time, but also find myself totally enjoying and needing people time. I've learned in therapy, and have spent a long time mastering small talk as well being able to connect with folks, but yeah, when I was younger, I needed more alone time. So yeah, I enjoy alone time. You're not weird:)

You also bring up an interesting point about being around people being draining. All the stimulation, and I seem to pick up on negative emotions, like my boss or co worker is unhappy and letting everyone know, or just someone who is really nervous, that's another one that rattles my processing.... mean parents I can't tolerate at all. It makes me nervous and uncomfortable.

I absolutely ADORE being alone! There is nothing like a quiet, empty house. The house gets very noisy when my husband is home. Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly, but he always sings really loudly, blasts the TV, bangs stuff around in the kitchen and I get really frazzled. It is so soothing to my nerves to just sit with my Kindle or a book and listen to soft music. I even have a very loud (Siamese mix) cat and he gets all wound up too when my husband comes home, lol.

I should add, however, that I like being alone but not alone as in having nobody in my life. I can get very depressed and lonely if I live far away from family and when I was single. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely in life. It sounds selfish, but I like them to be there but not be HERE, make sense?

this won't be a simple answer:

when i was a little kid i might have wanted friends but as i got older -4th 5th grade- i realised no one wanted to be my friend so as more time passed i got used to not having friends and middle school high school years i had NO desire for friends i gave it up long before thinking "yeah this is my lot in life....."
now i'm starting to want friends but i have no experiance i'm cconsidering going back to the old way sure it's lonely but it hurts less i just talk to myself or a stuffed animal

Thank goodness for this thread! I was starting to think I had a more serious disorder!

Isn't it funny how we don't want to be alone in loving aloneness? Just goes to show that humans are social animals after all!

I completely agree, and I feel the same way.

There are a select few people I like spending time with (but not ALL the time), but I would never hang out with some random people just for the sake of having company.

Being with said select people is like being with myself--that is, the same level of comfort and relaxation in not having to put on a facade. That is the "litmus test" for me.

This summarizes my thesis perfectly, though it's interesting that a lot of NTs I know- including family members, call me a "loner", but I never have really felt that way.

For this quick and sweet reply, you will receive a nice brushing, have your ears rubbed and be given a scratching under the chin! Thank you! Yes.. to do my own thing without "thoughtus interruptus" is a gift far finer than flowers or candy.

I finally have a couple of hours to myself today and only need to catch up on laundry. Ah, 'tis bliss.

I thought I was aspie ... until I found this....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_p ... y_disorder

Schizoids enjoy being alone... some of them rather watch people have sex than have sex themselves... and have AUTISTIC THINKING.

A schizoid might be misdiagnosed as aspie... I know that was my case...

For you? A big, juicy steak and freedom to roam the jungle in safety (or a double Boca Burger with the works and a deserted stretch of beach to walk along, in case you're one of those Vegetarian ocean-loving cats, like me). I hear your roar loud and clear. Even with NT people I like, especially when they're outgoing and enthusiastic, after an hour or so it begins to feel as if I need a blood transfusion and an oxygen tank.

Parties... arrrgh. On the rare occasion I consent to attend, bringing a sleeping bag and some ear plugs and finding a place to curl up in a closet or attic where no one is likely to find me. RSVP should be sent with conditional agreement to attend via Videoconference or, better still, Twitter.

One of the worst "deals" for me is being in large grocery/small specialty stores and trying to focus on getting everything that's needed while other people tend to zone out in the middle of aisles, hold animated conversations or loudly communicate with someone via cell phone while appearing totally oblivious. The worst stores I've ever been in where this sort of madness is rampant are Trader Joe's. Wal-Marts are obnoxious for similar issues occurring via small mobs in wider aisles.

I've been divorced for nearly ten years (a rational decision after three years separation) and my employment has been spotty and haphazard. For various reasons (which were quite compelling four years ago, but have ceased to be for the past year), I chose to live in a small, remote town and have difficulty finding work within a 50-mile radius that I'm quite proficient at doing, where people seem not to believe in paying a very reasonable hourly rate for conscientious and skilled technical work done by a female who possesses a sense of humility. Typically, this work involves resurrecting the computers of casual users who've just paid a bundle to some egoistic self-proclaimed "expert" who did an OS upgrade without paying attention to the hardware configuration and/or what software programs/applications the user worked with most frequently. Or it is a matter of people not taking care of their equipment and expecting that I can miraculously recover locally stored data they've never backed up and have already overwritten. I live on the property of a friend who is disabled but very sociable, who enjoys interacting with others and meeting new people. This is annoying at times and it can require a lot of energy to maintain my composure, but I manage pretty well.

As for loneliness, you definitely would know it if you felt it. I went through a short phase of boredom when I was a little girl because my personality was (still is) intense and there was a lot of creativity that needed an outlet. Having given this time in my life some thought since posting, I realized that during the summer when I was about five years old, the knowledge of being different began to bother me. It was an odd time because I'd activity seek out other kids who were roughly my own age and begin to structure "events". I organized parades, put on theatrical productions (the infamous "toilet paper wedding" being one) and led a group of children into a series of absurd adventures. Shortly after that summer, I "fell into" a musical instrument and became non-verbal for more than five years. I was aware of being alone, but did not feel lonely.

As I mentioned in my original post, a man with whom I was (reluctantly, from the start) involved really seemed to hate being alone. It felt as if he needed someone around to be a "mirror" and being in his presence was a time during which I felt tremendous loneliness. He would often become outrageously emotional over what seemed trivial to me: he'd had a bad dream. If I did not inquire about this bad dream, this was evidence that "I didn't care." When I inquired about his bad dream, he would either burst into tears and refuse to talk about it or become angry and hysterical and tell me "I'd never be able to understand." Thus, even though I have a form of autism (which I deliberately did not discuss with him), this caused me to feel that I was not just an outsider, but was a "lesser being". When I'd reach out to him for reassurance in a situation where I felt upset (i.e.: I find the sound of gunfire unnerving and some neighbor would be out shooting guns for hours), he was invariably adversarial with me. Even when there wasn't a "right or wrong", my feelings would be wrong. It was "wrong to feel scared, because no one was shooting AT me." I wasn't concerned that someone was shooting AT me, I was just frightened and agitated by the sounds. So, even after leaving this relationship, I carried a feeling of loneliness around with me for about a year.

Evidently, your husband is a good and supportive person who accepts you as you are and loves you. He seems secure in his own identity. He does not invent reasons to cause you to feel bad about yourself and he neither overwhelms you with his emotional "needs" nor ridicules you when you have feelings he doesn't understand or share. You are very fortunate (as is he)!

I completely relate to the need for animal companionship! For me, it has been a lifelong affinity for cats. I've had both cats and dogs in m life and have loved them for their own special qualities. I've also bonded with chickens, ducks, ravens, fish, one shrimp, cactus wrens, lizards, dragonflies... only the fish and the shrimp were "indoor critters" and both belonged to someone else, but I took care of them. The chickens and ducks were in greatest part my own that I had raised from the time they were days old, but they became "backyard pets".. I did spend a lot of time with them as a kid, because they were "the babies I would not allow to die." I often enjoy horses as personalities, but don't enjoy riding them because (at least in the Western tradition), they're controlled and broken of their spirit. I cannot bear to see animals mistreated and have confronted people openly, publicly and even cursed them to suffer the same fate as the animal they've neglected.

I don't know if you've found being very empathetic painful.. it's why I refer to it as "gift and curse". I believe it has helped me to function within society without the fact I am an Aspie being obvious to most. I've met many so-called NT people with far less empathy for others. There are times, though, when empathy becomes overwhelming. When someone else's nature is cold, strategic and their intellect is detached from emotion, "feeling" where they're coming can be terrifying. "How can such a person be possible?!" is the thought and the emotion is one of recoiling. Once how they really are is revealed, these people never look the same to me and it is often impossible for me to ever look into their eyes again or even see a photograph of them. In general, I'm unable to separate the "way someone looks" from "the way someone is", although there are people who are more the mask than anything else and these people have fooled me from time to time. Those are painful experiences that have taken time and very focused work to get past (although I never forget the lesson).

There have been times in my life when I had little time alone and my work forced me to interact with many, many people. And I did cherish my time alone so very much! I once passed on an annual raise in exchange for one day that I could telecommute rather than be in the office. Even though this one day was spent working, it was totally re-energizing for me and I usually got twice as much work accomplished from home, because I was able to fully relax without distraction.

Thank You for "The Introvert's Shangri-La"! This is beautiful, honest and true!