Yesterday was insane (in a very bad way). I'm scared now.

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Okay, I realise I haven't explained my living situation properly. Maybe "dorm" is the wrong word to use, I don't know. I live in a house where only students live. It's owned by a company (not the university) where only students at the university can rent rooms. I rent a room just like I would rent a flat/apartment someplace else. So do the other students. So I can't just relocate. Do you know what I mean? It's a bit difficult to explain.

I could live by myself "off campus" (though I'm rubbish at cooking etc since I have a hard time starting projects). But the queues are too long and there's no way I could get an apartment. My parents won't help me with that either. Not because they're mean (because they aren't), but because it wouldn't work.

I've found that when you need to, you can tap into that anxiousness to find your voice. Let yourself get just a little frustrated so your voice can become loud and clear and tell them exactly why you can't be social (it also helps to come up with a rough idea of what you will say to people before they even come over), and that you're sorry if it bothers them for some reason, but that it's just how it is. If your neighbors are anything like mine my first year of college, that will keep them away from your door, but unfortunately won't stop them from talking about you behind your back and giving you weird looks. Party people are just mean like that.

Wow, I'm so sorry that happened....I would have been really disoriented, myself.

Does your dorm have "quiet hours?" Like, after 10 pm, or something? The dorm I'm living in has those on all floors.

I agree with those who have suggested that you request to move to a different hall.

If all else fails, you don't HAVE to attend one of those crazy parties just cuz some random person tells you to. Whenever there's a party, just stay in your room with some earbuds/noise - cancelling headphones and watch a movie or listen to music. That's what I'd do. Everyone else will probably be so busy partying they won't even notice you're not there. You shouldn't feel obligated to do anything you don't feel comfortable or safe doing.

Do what I did: Find an apartment building close to campus that (I'm assuming you are American) accepts Section 8 rent assistance. I refused to live in a dorm. I went to school to LEARN, not to party.

is it a school that doesn't have on-campus residence?

She's in Sweden.

Anyway, the best suggestion is just to spend the entire day out, somewhere, anywhere, away from your dorm. That and say no to people. It's hard, and I even have trouble saying it, but you gotta learn to say no to people. It's pretty much the secret to getting anywhere in life, saying no to people.

For places off campus, I can oddly recommend the gym. Just throw some headphones on and do whatever you want. Pretty much only come back to your dorm to sleep.

College like this scares the hell out of me, though. Part of the reason I've not gone.

EDIT:
Oh, it's your own room, well, ignore them. If it's your own room, nobody can do anything to make you social.

I think so. I mean, there are quite a few companies (and student organisations) that own loads of student rooms and flats etc. Rooms and flats only students at the uni can rent. But I don't think the uni owns any of them. I'm not sure though.



I know I could just stay in my room if I wanted. I'm just afraid people will trash talk me behind my back for not socialising with them. I sort dislike what this is doing to me. Lately I've been feeling like it's me vs "them". Them being all the people who can't accept that people like me have real problems with social interaction (that I'm not just shy or rude). Them being all the people who try to force introverts to become extroverts. Them being all the people who can't accept people for who they are. It's me vs them. I don't know if I like that I now think that way. Do you know what I mean? Do you ever feel like that?

And people pay to go to college....

Because if it goes right, you actually do get to learn stuff. Evidently it's not going right at the moment.

What's your school's disability services department like? Do they have one? Any experience with autistic students? Availability of assessments for specific learning disabilities, ADHD, similar?

I'm not sure but all I know is that in order to get some sort of help you need an official diagnosis. I, for example, will know if my application to get assessed gets approved within 2 weeks or so but I won't get assessed until 2014 or something. The queues are massive and I guess there aren't enough specialists available.

I'm quite afraid I'll fail at uni. I was supposed to study today for example but I've been procrastinating the whole day (as usual). Sometimes I wonder if I'm not just stupid and lazy Makes me feel rather depressed.

The first time I went to college, I did not do well. While many kids are ready right after high school, I was not.

I went back in my late-20's however, graduated with honors and distinction, then went on to graduate school where I also graduated with honors and distinction.

I share this just so you know if you don't do well now, it doesn't mean you can't do better later.

Ouch... Seriously, ouch. Two years is really too long. Have you considered going to the disability services people and explaining the problem?--that you won't have an assessment for two years, but you're in school now and may need help? I don't know how much they can do for you, but they must have some things that they do to help regular students who are having trouble. At my school, new freshmen can take a class about how to succeed in college--it teaches you things like scheduling your time and keeping your homework in order. And there's a tutoring department, where the upperclassmen get paid a small amount to teach other students who are having trouble in class. Many professors don't mind your going to their office and asking questions. Perhaps you can put together a support system from those things, even without a diagnosis.

I doubt you're lazy or stupid. I think you probably have the same trouble I have--you don't know where to start, the work seems overwhelming, so you don't start; and then you feel anxious because you know you're procrastinating, and that makes it seem even more overwhelming. That's not laziness; that's your brain freezing up on you. Pick the smallest possible task that doesn't seem overwhelming to you. I'm talking stuff like just getting your textbook and putting it on your desk. Very simple things, one step at a time. Write a list if you have to. When you start getting that anxious, overloaded, I-don't-wanna feeling, ask yourself why. Are you tired? Not sure where to start? Do you need a break or some recreation; or do you want to switch to another subject? Is there a question you can't answer that's frustrating you? Work around your mental quirks; figure out ways to work with your brain instead of just concluding that you're lazy. You aren't lazy most of the time; and everybody's lazy sometimes. Lazy implies you don't care. You seem to care quite a bit.

Yeah, it really sucks. Don't really know what to do.

I'm actually taking a class which is just called an "introduction course". There they give us a lot of information and teach us a little bit about scheduling our time etc. It makes me feel even worse though because I feel like I'll never be able to manage school.



That sounds about right. The work seems overwhelming, so I don't start, then I feel anxious because I know I'm procrastinating and that makes it seem even more overwhelming etc. Don't know how to handle it. I really don't know.

I've got another question if that's okay (it's about something different). Something just happened and I sort of want to discuss it. We were just having a "corridor meeting" and when waiting for the meeting to start I was sitting in the sofa watching TV. Other people watched TV as well and they talked to me a little bit. That was quite ok. I didn't feel too awkward and uncomfortable. It made me really confused. Most of the time I feel really socially awkward and I think social interaction is complicated and difficult. But then I have these moments from time to time when I can almost feel "normal" and I'm able to talk to people quite well etc. Is that common? Does that happen to you? It makes me really confused and it makes me worry that maybe I'm "faking" the social awkwardness. Am I? Or am I "faking" being social? I don't know and I don't understand what's going on with me.

vortex, already you seem to have strategies to deal with your situation - I bet you'll do fine regardless of the awkward living situation. Anyway, I thought of an idea: make your own 'private space' truly your own through decorating. One's success/satisfaction is contingent upon a good personal space and you need not live in a fancy home to accomplish this. Instead, for better privacy, get houseplants! They can be inexpensive and do so much to improve your space. Choose artwork (such as colourful posters - charity shop, vintage finds) that you love. (Use blue-tack so you do not need nails). I've found gorgeous throw pillows, cheap, at local vintage shops. Decorate with favourite photos to bring up your mood. I cannot know if this is appropriate or allowed in your residence, but you might consider a sheer curtain to establish your space/privacy. You may be able to negotiate for your very own study carousel at the library.

I am considered a really good decorator/housekeeper; I've received many compliments on this trait. I'll tell you a secret, vortex, it's because I've learned that although my living situation may sometimes be outside of my control, I can do a lot to make it the very best. Then, of course, your studies are priority All the best.

Yes, I'm planning on making my room my sort of sanctuary. I've brought some stuff from my room back home so some things look the same. I'll also put new things in my room. But only things I like. Books for example. Loads of books. Books, cushions, curtains etc.

for the noise issues, I highly recommend noise cancelling headphones -- connect them to your computer/laptop and play soothing music through them. Then set scheduled tasks to play something to wake you up when you need to be awakened in the morning.