Why I view my autism as a blessing and NOT a curse

Post Reply New Topic

The paradox is what frustrates me. I'm very intelligent, but it's hidden because of my social ineptitude. Although I couldn't imagine being anyone else and love what I do. Now to get people to leave me alone...

As an NT there are many Aspie traits I wish I had. My boyfriend and 13 year old son are both Aspie and in both cases, like you, it was a relief for me to have an explanation for some of their behaviors. I have just modified some of my behaviors to better communicate and I have to say our family has a better, happier and more connected than most I know. I also have a huge issue with many of the opinions NT's have of Aspies. No feelings, "can't" show emotion etc.. it enrages me and even further when I read Aspies here discussing how they can't show emotions. NT's have convinced them of something that just flat isn't true. I will state honestly that before I knew my boyfriend was AS I thought to some degree that he chose not to show emotion and my son's sometimes confused me. After I understood things better I can read their emotions as simply as I can a NT's. Just because they express them in a way that is not the same as how I do it doesn't make it wrong. They are both far smarter than I am. They both have a sense of humor though my sons comes across much better in text or his facebook posts and my bf doesn't tell jokes exactly but he says things that are funny. They are both far more sensitive than NT's. They are crushed if I am simply annoyed over something little they did. I have to be very careful to let them know when I have life stress that may make my facial expressions confusing to them otherwise they worry they have made me mad.. and honestly neither of them really does very often. They have both made me a better person and THEY along with the Aspies here are the ones who taught ME the NT the true meaning behind my emotions. Since to communicate well with them I need to determine what I want, why I want it (the reason and not just because) and how I want it. For example, I had to determine what I specifically needed help with around the house instead of hey can you guys help around here, why I needed each of them to do the tasks I asked for, how I needed it done etc. They are each strong in different areas. My bf is a great cook I just have to keep the kitchen tidy and organized. However he doesn't like the feel of water so much so I don't ask him to do dishes (he will rinse his plates or wash a fork but he doesn't have to make a sink of soapy water and wash up) my son loves water and dishes are his chore. Neither job was done regularly until I explained why I needed it done by them and how and when. Now it just happens. I don't see being Aspie as a negative at all. Had I known how wonderful someone who is Aspie is I would have only dated Aspies and never NT's

It's a blessing to some people, and a curse to others. For me, it's a curse. I should really write a blog about why my curse is a curse, because then I don't have to keep explaining myself over and over again.

Special interests? Love being obsessed with buses in the particular company, love the bus-drivers, but I've been let down so many times by the f*****g recession affecting the bus company and changing the drivers that the special interest has just invited more stress into my unnecessary life. And no, I am not willing to change my special interest on to books and facts. I can't help what I get obsessed with. Obsessions just happen with me, with no intentional courage. OK I will say my favourite bus company, it's TGM, OK. It's that interesting to me, yes.

Sensory issues? Hate being hypersensitive to loud noises. Can't relax in my room without a normal household noise or the noise from neighbours bothering me. Have to live with earplugs or having to have loud music on all the time. Grr!

Anxiety? Nahh. Might help me think before making decisions, but I could live without anxiety. Try meds? Nahh, they don't work miracles. I am a born worrier, can't really do anything about it.

Routine desire? Has it's advantages, but nahh, I'd rather not have this. I can't control my routine being changed because of other people always changing their lives that affects how my life is going. Makes me wish more and more that I was somewhat like Hitler, and could rule people's lives. But I can't, so I've just got to endure having my routine changed time and time again, and just shut up because no I cannot stop other people from changing their lives. I know that.

Social issues? This is the s**t I want the most rid of. Causes more problems than anything. I can communicate to some extent, but I am incredibly shy and I hate being shy but I don't have the nerve to be confident and just start chatting away to people. It's not in me, and other people will pick up on that and will just take the mickey. I wish social rules didn't work like this, but they do. Also it's vibes. People are so quick to pick up on vibes that you do your best to hide, even after years of learning how to appear socially normal, people still seem to notice something odd about you and you just can't escape from it. So the vibes I give off really do knock me back.

So, yep, it's a curse for me. Oh, there may be ONE trait that I like having, and that is being able to understand both NTs and non-NTs. I can tell the difference between a socially awkward person and a weird person who intentionally causes trouble among a group. Most NTs define socially awkward people (like myself) as someone ''weird'', but I don't. I only define immature bullies as ''weird'', but not people who's social awkwardness is not intentional. But I don't even look upon that ability as a blessing really, because I don't get appreciated for it. I just get used because I am too passive, too trusting, too sweet, too meek, and too loyal.

EDIT - and can we tone down on the ''us vs them'' thing please? People are people, there are no precise facts. I only wish I were NT so that I won't have all the s**t above to contend with, maybe one or two of them but at least my social skills will come more naturally and I won't get so madly obsessed over a stupid bus service what won't even last in this bus company anyway, because of the f*****g everlasting recession what the UK can't seem to get over. f**k life in the UK ran by that f*****g c**t of a government. I hate you David Cameron I hate you I hate you I hate you!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!