Aspies, do you consciously try to suppress your symptoms aro

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I make an effort to do eye contact, but I feel uncomfortable doing so, to be honest. I'm always worried that I will come across as creepy.

As far as anything else... I've learned to keep my mouth shut a lot, because I bother people when I go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and...oh, sorry.

Yes, I am really quiet and reserved around most NTs I don't know well. I don't talk much because I don't want to talk their ears off about my obsessions. Other people I'm closer to have gotten used to it.

I have to do this everyday at my job. I have to talk, and interact with people a lot. I really don't want to talk to people most of the time, but I fake it.

The traits that make me autistic are not symptoms, and it's not a disease. "Suppressing" them is impossible, even if I wanted to, because they're there. Even when I thought that I looked non-autistic, other people were referring to me as not only looking autistic but looking very autistic, so, I think trying to look non-autistic is kind of pointless.

We should be allowed to be ourselves, just like NT's are allowed to be themselves. We should not have to live a life of lies and pretense.

anbuend,

WOW, in a way you are lucky. I look pretty normal. Didn't keep bullies from singling me out though. As for the actions? In normal run of the mill business I can seem normal. I viewed the autistic features as merely behaviour and different abilities. So, I changed the behaviour, and all the positive abilities were obscured. The negative abilities are avoided, etc.... Anyway, some positive abilities were forgotten, and some of the behaviour had a purpose or, even though odd, was helpful.

Steve

Acting like an NT will only make me even worse in socializing. Yeah, it sounds like it makes no sense, but I'll explain. I used to be constantly thinking about how I was doing in situations with people, and it made me anxious to the point where I was even afraid to turn my neck, because I would always worry about myself being stiff.

However, if I distract myself by obsessing with thoughts other than social stuff, then usually I am not anxious and I do fine. Or if i'm in a mood to not give a f***, then I will not be anxious.

I don't really have problems with eye contact, I just get really stiff when anxious or nervous, and I usually get anxious about how stiff I am, how I'm doing in a conversation, what I'm wearing, etc. Don't know the right word to describe this type of anxiety....

I cannot stop blabbing about my topics.

My wardrobe... yeah! I might end up wearing PVC when I'm older. Lol.

I can't drink much either. Medicatoin. Half a glass of weak wine knocks me out.

never ever try to hide your autism around NTs, it's a great way of getting rid of them just give out a few flaps, stares and twists and they will run a mile! try it

There are certain things that I try to do, like eye contact and not fidgeting, pacing around or talking to myself too much when there is company around. On a few occasions I have been unable to do anything, but usually I can make a good effort to moderate my behavior somewhat. I want to make others comfortable. This doesn't mean I don't want them to accept me, but I think that has to go both ways.

I just don't understand/recognise all the social rules, i'm probably most of the time trying to be like an NT and sometimes this might work out, and sometimes not.

It's also a balance between being accepted and feeling good i guess ...
Maybe it's different with other types of people, like
when you're in a group of artists, it doesn't really show if you're different, they all are, and
when you're in a group of intellectual people they will intellectualise your behaviour, etc.
but when you're in an average group in a shop or so, or with parents from school, then it's more difficult.

Maybe it's also different with other types of situations, like
when somebody needs help, they won't ask you first whether you're an aspie, they are glad you're helping.

But really being 'yourself'? does that excist? i don't think live has that in store for anyone.

In any case i do love to let myself go in a railway station (singing, wistling, reading a book of poems aloud, ...) or in the street when i'm in a big town,
it feels like it doesn't matter. and most people's life is boring anyway, so if i talk to them without the conventional introductions and all, they often don't mind at all. it's entertaining. ( i even make friends this way)
I will not do that in the place i live, cause i know people will talk, this has taken a long time before i understood (i thought i was just joyfull) but it's an act as well now (play the silent observative one).

DivaD,

I never flapped, that I know of. I don't know WHAT twisting is. As for stares? That is problematic. I TRY not to do that in anyones direction. The stims I DO do tend to be subtle. The leg bouncing is probably the most obvious. I did it at the airport in fort wayne, and someone DID notice! He didn't run way though, he just kept walking.

Steve

Spent 25 years of my life trying to fit in.

Cant be arsed anymore as its too knackering!!

People can take me for who I am or fu*k Off!! !

All my life I tried to be NT because I didn't know I had AS. I knew I was different but I also thought I was a failure. I never felt like I fit in and people never seemed to accept me or try to hang out with me very much. A few people here and there maybe but they always seem to slowly drift away. I guess too I never was much of one to do things with people anyway, I'm just not very social.

Not knowing I had AS though made me try to be social and I think I became annoying to people a lot. Made me feel as goofy as a jester. Now that I know I have AS I'm learning to sometimes just not care and what situations I can be my AS self or when I have to appear NT.

The whole eye contact thing is so over-rated, it's ridiculous. There are countries who don't put such an emphasis on it and some consider it rude in some settings, like Japan, I should move there.

About 20 years ago, I was involved in a court case and had to talk to a court ordered psychiatrist who was supposed to "help" the courts make a decision in their ruling. One of the things she said about me is my story could be fabricated due to my nervousness and lack of eye contact. I was so upset over that because I was being 100% honest but sh*t, she was right up in my face asking me her 500 questions. Of course I was timid, she was over-powering!

So I made a point to learn, better yet, "force" myself to make eye contact. It ended up helping me get a job though so at least something good came out of it. I only do it when I have to but I when I do, I guess I do a pretty good job at it.

Hear Hear!! !

I used to try to be normal back in years 7-8. By year 9, I gave up and by year 10, I was completely "off my head" as some people would say!

I stare. When I'm seeing my Dr., I often stare into her eyes for the whole appointement.
As for flapping, I only do that when I'm stressed, then my hands are, well, crazy to say the least!
I like sitting in a twisted position, but once I realised that was bad for my back (a while ago), I stopped, but I still do it sometimes!
I have many social issues. I often think that I'm talking straight to someone else when apparently, I am actually talking to myself (i.e. not in the right direction, and too quietly).
I don't know how to adjust the level of my voice - my parents tell me that I either talk way too loudly (i.e. I "shout") or I mutter. I also cannot whisper. I cannot do it. I tried a few times, and instead I made a noise that sounded like blowing air.