Being overly obedient

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Pip
Snowy Owl

Joined: 10 Jan 2013
Age: 32
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24 Jan 2013, 2:01 pm

chlov wrote:

I can accept authority only when it comes from someone I like, like my science teacher. I like him, so I will obey him, or I'll try at least.
I hate my History teacher. I will not pay attention during her lessons, I will interrupt her and I won't do the homework she gives me, or I'll do it carelessly.

This describes me to some extent; the only difference being that it's not my teachers I disobey. I accept authority from my parents and other adults as long as they respect me despite the fact that I am perceived as being inferior to them. However, the moment that someone mistreats me or talks to me as if I am idiotic, my behavior completely changes.

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jamgrrl
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24 Jan 2013, 5:10 pm

I was very compliant as a child and teen. It still runs through some parts of my life, especially relationships. I am also very conflict-avoidant. I don't like upsetting any apple carts. I am terrified of breaking rules on accident, though I love to break certain types of rules on purpose, especially stupid rules. As long as I don't think I'll actually get in trouble.

I really have to work on not being too people-pleasing. Lately I've been concentrating on boundary-setting and standing up for myself and trying to distinguish between "real" requests and implied requests. And also fair requests and unfair requests. This is definitely something that can be learned, though for me it's been a lifelong process of continual improvement.

Jinks
Deinonychus

Joined: 31 Aug 2012
Age: 45
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24 Jan 2013, 5:33 pm

I had/have this issue too (working on it). The "passive" type aspie is actually a commonly acknowledged ASD subtype as described by Tony Attwood - gentle, compliant and easily led.

It seems that whenever I'm in a social situation, I'm so bewildered and generally unable to work out the correct words and actions that the only way I've ever had of managing is to go along with others, be very submissive and let other people make the decisions. I don't think I ever deliberately disobeyed my parents in my life, and my father also commented on how easy to raise I was because I was so obedient. I am also easily taken advantage of and I have to be careful what situations I put myself into.

I actually hate being this way. I'd love to be able to confidently take charge of situations. I work hard at figuring out better ways to manage in the hope of one day being able to do this, though the only way I've managed to find to take charge of my life so far is not to have other people in it!

2wheels4ever
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24 Jan 2013, 7:09 pm

scarp wrote:

I have a mix of both in my childhood history. At times I would be very difficult, and at other times I would be stupidly compliant.

Weirdly (and counter-productively I now realize), I was more likely to obey my peers than my teachers. I guess it's because I had problems with authority, but was still at that age where I wanted to fit in and be liked by the other kids.

I remember one particularly embarrassing incident when some kids on the bus kept pushing me to "kiss the lap" of the boy next to me. Strange request, right? I had no idea what the significance of that action was but I could see that the other kids were very excited to see me do it, so I did it. I thought it would make them like me, but of course it only brought more bullying and ridicule.

"I don't understand! You just asked me to do something, but then ridicule me when I actually do it???"

Good lord was I naive back them. :oops:

I am beginning to see this is a rather common characteristic. I wasn't so much openly defiant to teachers until maybe my high school junior or senior year. I had a similar experience with that sort of strange request and was wracked with anger and guilt for many years after. Complying with peers for me wasn't as much an attempt to be liked as it was to prevent being bullied even more harshly

Since reaching adulthood I've swung the pendulum to the opposite side, this was greatly amplified when I fell in with a crowd that celebrated illegal activities. After being ultimately rejected by them I stopped caring one way or the other, but I can look back and still feel resentment for missing out on the 80s metal scene by being led to believe I would go to hell for listening to AC-DC or Led Zeppelin

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FishStickNick
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24 Jan 2013, 9:05 pm

I was probably overly obedient as a child...at school, at least. I hardly ever caused a problem, and I adhered closely to the rules (still do). On the other hand, I could be stubborn and defiant at home, especially when I had to do something that I didn't want to do. Outside of that, though, I've generally tried to avoid conflict throughout my life.

Dillogic
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24 Jan 2013, 9:11 pm

I probably am as long as it's not something I don't want to do due to fear.

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