Loud voices painful -so I guess I'm the freak?

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opal
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08 Feb 2013, 6:49 pm

[quote="Callista"]It might be a lack of empathy, but it's not a lack of compassion. If a neurotypical who is a decent person comes to understand that noise truly hurts you, they will want to make less noise. It's just the understanding it in the first place that's difficult for them.

quote]

Perhaps there is a severe lack of decency then, because I've explained it several times, several ways, and they still don't get it. They can understand deafness, but not the opposite. So they are either thick or uncaring.

Sanctus
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08 Feb 2013, 6:50 pm

opal wrote:

Callista wrote:

It might be a lack of empathy, but it's not a lack of compassion. If a neurotypical who is a decent person comes to understand that noise truly hurts you, they will want to make less noise. It's just the understanding it in the first place that's difficult for them.

Perhaps there is a severe lack of decency then, because I've explained it several times, several ways, and they still don't get it. They can understand deafness, but not the opposite. So they are either thick or uncaring.

Yeah, some NTs just don't give a s**t. I tried many explanations myself. I'm usually just told to "pull myself together".

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blue1skies
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08 Feb 2013, 7:26 pm

I'm the same way... Even the smallest noise grates on my ears and I get headaches really easily..

BobinPgh
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09 Feb 2013, 8:46 pm

Logicalmom wrote:

I am reading this thread along with my morning coffee, almost in tears because I cannot take all the movement of my hubby in the kitchen. I had been thinking that I need to write about this - how, for example, the drawers sound like dragons. The he crumpled a bag, stirred his coffee, ate his cereal loudly.

At night, he has the t.v. on. I can't stand it, I can't stand weekends. He watches so much t.v.. It hurts my head - not headache, though one can arise after a time. Brain ache, intense ear pain, a pressure in my skull that threatens to blow the top of - a feeling of being beaten and just wanting it to "stop."

I might have a tip for you with the drawers. At Home Depot there is Frost King foam weather stripping. What I do is cut the material into short strips and place them doors and drawers and things that bang loudly when closed. You do not have to put the material all the way around, so a little goes a long way. If you ever get new kitchen cabinets, some manufacturers like Merrilat offer 'soft close" drawers and doors but they are on their higher more expensive line.

As for every thing else, I think if it was me I would be having a divorce! I don' tmean to make you feel bad, but doesn't your hubby know this is painful to you? This is one reason I could never be married.

cjthemadscientist
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09 Feb 2013, 8:55 pm

To me the most painful noise to my ears and the leading cause of my sensory overloads are human voices. If someone isn't talking in their "inside voice" it will hurt my ears. If multiple people are talking at once I can't understand a single word and it hurts my ears. If someone yells I have to cover them. My dear mother, she has a naturally loud and high pitched voice and will talk your ear off nonstop, on occasions I have been known to beg her to be quiet when shes talking to me and she gets angry and calls me every name in the book and says I'm overreacting.

I can relate. And some people will just never understand unfortunatley.

DaydreamingUC
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10 Feb 2013, 10:18 am

I only have trouble with some specific types of music.
The weird thing is I really enjoy Linkin Park which screams a lot
but I can't stand any song from Lady Gaga, Nicky Minaj
and most of today pop/dance music. It makes my head
explode.

ECJ
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10 Feb 2013, 10:23 am

I find loud music and lots of people talking at once gives me really bad headache. If it goes on for too long, the headache will get so bad I feel sick and panicky. I've tried explaining to my parents, and they sometimes try and understand and close the doors when playing loud music, other times call me selfish. I just go out if the headache not too bad.

franknfurter
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10 Feb 2013, 10:43 am

Magnanimous wrote:

I hear you... no pun intended.

I ain't a fan of loud noises either... though they don't cause me half as much trouble as the light...
Oh the arguments I've had about the lighting in the office... why everyone insists on having it on full blast in the middle of the day AND all the blinds open to let as much sunlight as humanly possible right into my freakin face.
I wear sunglasses all day every day (something else I had to fight for), and it STILL blinds the hell out of me, makes it increasingly difficult to get my work done, and is gradually causing deterioration of my vision. I spend a goodly portion of every day hiding in dark corners just trying to wipe my eyes dry as they end up streaming because of all the bright lights.

Seriously... what the f**k is their problem? The monitors are back-lit. The screen is easiest to see when the rest of the room is dark. It casts enough room to SEE the rest of the room by! How is this not blindingly obvious to anyone?

where are you from, there should be things in place to make it easier for you if you have a diasgnosed problem, over in england its the law i think, they tend to bend over backwards to help because of anti discrimination. people should be more understanding. especially in the work place.

O'course this isn't even getting started on the aggro I get from strangers just BECAUSE I have to wear sunglasses all the time.... (not having to make eye contact is a big bonus for me, but they seem to hate it... stuffed up bastards). Wouldn't be a problem if I could just get a night-shift job.

franknfurter
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10 Feb 2013, 10:46 am

BobinPgh wrote:

Rascal77s wrote:

Merculangelo wrote:

one of the most attractive parts of my imagination of death is that it would involve everything going quiet.

So everyone would be dead and you would finally have some peace and quiet?

O my gosh is that what it is going to take? I cannot understand why the NTs with so much empathy that we are not supposed to have cannot just believe us and turn off the TV or not yell so much. Is it really that much of a hardship for them?

thats a bit unfair, and a generalisation. i am an NT, i would certainly understand if someone explained why they found it a problem.

franknfurter
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10 Feb 2013, 10:49 am

Callista wrote:

It's probably just that they assume that everybody else is NT, too. Most of the time that's a valid assumption, so it usually pays off... except when it's not valid and they end up pretty clueless.

It's nothing to do with NTs specifically; more to do with the fact that they're the majority. That means they have less experience than any other group with interacting with people who aren't like themselves, and that leads to the "everybody is like me" fallacy that is causing us so much grief.

It might be a lack of empathy, but it's not a lack of compassion. If a neurotypical who is a decent person comes to understand that noise truly hurts you, they will want to make less noise. It's just the understanding it in the first place that's difficult for them.

Ironically, that's the same problem we have when it comes to understanding them... Getting the information about their state of mind in the first place is tough; but once we've got it, we feel pretty much the same about it as anybody else might. But NTs just have less experience with having to find a way across this gap, than we do. So it's like they're just starting to learn the things we've been working on our whole lives. I feel like we have to be at least a little patient with them.

yes thats more fair, i know for a fact if someone told me how it felt i would do anything to help.

franknfurter
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10 Feb 2013, 10:59 am

DaydreamingUC wrote:

haha at least you obviously have good taste, i know i cant stand bad singers.

howzat
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10 Feb 2013, 3:09 pm

I am not the biggest fan of loud voices either as it does my head in this includes talking too loud and laughing too loud as well.

Ann2011
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10 Feb 2013, 4:01 pm

BobinPgh wrote:

Also, he talked about how "if you have expectations, you will only had disappointments" and that I should not expect people to accommodate me about this noise issue because I will only have resentments. Am I really asking for something that is such a hardship for other people?

I cannot stand the noise of a crowd of people in a large room. There is some kind of echo effect and all the voices jumble into a roar that is physically painful and mentally unbearable. I have left such gatherings in an unceremonious fashion many times.
But I don't think they will reign it in for you. There's something about a this sort of gathering that NTs really get off on.
BTW, it is possible to not have expectations and still be disappointed.

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