How do I regain the motivation I once had?

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Hi again rickith,

I understand your concern for your parents worrying about you. I also have the same concern. But if you can, you had better get your anxiety (or whatever you may have) treated as soon as possible while it's still relatively easy to treat. I feel my life is being destroyed by my mental problems. I don't want you to go through the same path. Or it could be something totally different for you. Maybe what qawer is saying might be the case.

Hi qawer,

Thanks for your idea in your posts. I might try and practice your suggestions to rickith myself. It makes sense. I mean developing confidence is not easy, but what you said might be worth a try. I had actually started trying not to care recently. I don't know if I'm doing it right because I seem to be offending people even more than before. I'll see how it goes.

I can definitely relate to what you write. I am a programmer myself, and I too only manage to get things done at work because I have to. Or that is not entirely true... I get motivation from seeing that my code compiles without any warnings and that everything works as intended. That is what gives me motivation to do more programming. I am sure other programmers have it the same way.

But yeah. I've always figured that motivation will come as I get more satisfied with how my life is. Right now it is okay, I guess. But I think/hope I will get more motivated once I get a better apartment, maybe find a girl etc...

Also I agree with qawer. NT have a tendency to stomp on people in order to promote themselves. I notice it a lot when I am talking to NTs, when they have a different opinion they tend to say it like I am stupid, and since they are more confident than me, they are automatically correct. At least that's how I feel. But I am starting to get more confident about my own skills and have started to ignore the NTs more.

Hi jk1,

I am glad you found my posts useful.

Having confidence does not imply you should be offending people. When you have confidence people are more likely to like you, not the other way round.

A great way to start getting more confidence is by doing three things in communication:

(1) - Use facial mimicking (laugh, smile, use eyes, use eyebrows etc.)
(2) - Don't have a too low voice - make sure people hear what you are saying
(3) - Use A LOT of body language (when explaining something, use your hands, have a good posture, make sure your body language is not on mute)

Rickith,

I try to hold myself to high standards but do not try to be perfect at everything I do. I try to do the right thing and make the right decisions. If I did, it would stress me out to bad.

Jk1:
I do want to get help with these issues but the entire process of getting help seems so... daunting. Maybe that's cause I don't really know what to expect of "help" and what it would look like, hmmm. I do think I'd benefit from some outside help cause, well, change is hard and it's too easy to fall back on my safe and trusted ways. Most changes in my life have been due to other people pushing me to do things. I'd have never gotten my drivers license and would've never gone to college if it wasn't for my parents who pushed me to do these things.

qawer:
That's some informative posts and good practical advice. I'll try to incorporate it into my daily life and pay more attention to it.

morslilleole:
I can relate to what you say about people who are wrong about something but are confident that they're right, they'll walk all over me. This was especially true in college. Nowadays (in the context of my job) I'll be more likely to stand up to them as their mistakes become my problem as I'm responsible for keeping the application and servers running.

Hunterton:
I'd like to be less of a perfectionist, but it's hard. If I know there's a particular piece of code that's not optimal it's going to keep nagging at me if I'm working on the project.