Psychologists/counselors are a waste of time

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Tyri0n
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25 Feb 2013, 11:09 am

hyperlexian wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
Actually, I am probably one of the more emotional ones, at least in terms of having deeper and more complicated emotions, not necessarily more likely to show them.

This could be it. I simply have more complicated emotions than most human beings, including aspies.

i don't think your emotions are more complicated than anyone else's. perhaps you have a need for reinforcement, and counsellors don't give that to you and it bothers you. but that is a whole other kettle of fish.

i think that people get out of counselling... whatever they bring to it. there has to be a point at which they are humble enough to believe that there is someone smart enough or accomplished enough or talented enough to help them. if they have a preconceived notion that a psychologist won't be able to help them because they are too complicated or too difficult or to smart or too deep or too _whatever_,... they're right - it won't help. but that is not because of ineffectiveness the counsellors, it is because of their own attitude that they carry to begin with.

i would divide people into 2 groups - people who are willing to be helped by counsellors, and those who are not willing. i think that people who are willing to be helped will find help. not with every single counsellor out there, but at least with some of them. when someone goes to a counsellor, they are essentially treating themselves with expert guidance, so if someone is struggling to improve at all they should look at the common denominator: something in their own approach.

a lot of the time, people don't actually want to improve, they are just told by people around them that they should improve. so they go to counselling because they are "supposed" to fix something. but on the inside, the patients resist treatment because they don't even think that the problem IS a problem. or they want to fix something in their life but they refuse to believe that their own thought patterns or behaviours could be the source of the problem so they resist the guidance of the counsellor. they want to hear that everyone else in the world is the problem.

if you have solid goals you want to meet and actual changes you want to make, counselling can likely help you with that. but you have to be willing to accept that help. it's not easy, of course. but it's possible if you actually want to try.


It wasn't like I went into it with that attitude. It just developed over time with multiple failures. I think some counselors are just out of touch with functional autistic patients. So, some are trained for NT's and some for more severe autistic patients, but it doesn't appear most are trained for HFA.

I actually go to a group CBT, which I have found helpful in improving my behaviors. I work with an acting teacher on body language, voice, and social energy. She is outstanding. If I wasn't interested in self-improvement, I wouldn't be getting benefits from this other stuff. However, it's hard to get that kind of help in traditional counseling.

My philosophy is that improving behavior is key to improving thought patterns. Because my emotions are too complicated, dealing with it that way is not suitable. But I've noticed that, for example, when I learn to act less socially anxious, I actually am less socially anxious. Simply thinking about not being anxious or "coping strategies" don't work for me.

Of course, my approach is likely anathema to the psychological academy.



Sweetleaf
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25 Feb 2013, 12:22 pm

I don't find them to be of much help either, even my current therapist doesn't seem to helpful....I end up feeling frusterated during the therapy sessions with no noticable lasting benefit of any kind. I mean she's trying but just not so sure she has an approach that can help.


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GnothiSeauton
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25 Feb 2013, 12:58 pm

The way I see it, older and more experienced aspies should mentor younger aspies. Relegating this "responsibility" to some "professionals" can be as pointless as it can be counterproductive.
After all it's about finding yourself in the world you live in with the mind and body that you possess.
You might see and taste an apple, while your therapist might see and taste an orange. They're still fruits, but qualitatively there is definitely a perceptible difference.
Even though many of us might seem or downright are irresponsible to the outside world, we have an insight about that world that often appears but is not entirely "contradictory" to the general population's.
This can lead to many internal and external conflicts that should be explained and helped to deal with by people who had a similar experience and therefore will have an easier time corresponding an appropriate "soulution" to a specific problem.
It doesn't solve your problems when your therapists think you'll be resting on your laurels if you follow their advice and drink their magic potions, when in fact you will find yourself laying on a bed of thorns having your body and mind twisted with poisons.
Still, the hardest and most important part about the whole thing is your own motivation.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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25 Feb 2013, 1:06 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
. . . i think that people get out of counselling... whatever they bring to it. . .

That has not been my experience. Starting with when I was 17 and a half and this psychologist did not take my father's violence seriously. And yeah, I'm sorry, too. For maybe I could have moved across country and began living with relatives, or maybe stayed with friends for weeks at a time. And maybe I could have asked my sister who had just turned 16 if she wanted to come with me, thereby giving her an open field and the knowledge that she was not necessarily stuck in a bad family situation. (My dad basically was and is a verbal bully, but the violence was bad enough and on at least one occasion life threatening.) So, yeah, it was a missed opportunity all the way round.

Of the three mental health professionals I've seen, maybe the least bad was a career counselor / psychologist I saw at age 23. Once he found out I was interested in being a writer, he seemed to spend a lot of time pontificating on his theories of art and writing and talking about some of his favorite books. And then he seemed to throw out the occasional wild card, such as "The question it comes down to is how much you're willing to compromise!" Wow, where did that come from. But now he's stuck. He's made a big dramatic statement and it's hard for him to backtrack from it.

==================

In fairness, I saw a sex counselor at age 20. There was some health and sexual issues I wanted to talk about. I only saw him for one visit and maybe he was somewhat helpful. When I was 32, I began seeing a speech therapist. We occasionally talked about life issues and at times she was helpful, maybe because she wasn't trying so hard and didn't have so much of her ego wrapped up in being right.



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25 Feb 2013, 1:15 pm

Regarding mental health professioanls and countless negative experience I've had with them; I maintained a pretty posititive opinion for as long as I could. This is where I can be stubborn and blind at the same time. I had it in my head that people in those professions really and truly wanted to help, and all of my negative experiences were not swaying that opinion by much. I also had trouble seeing the forest because all of the trees were in my way. a bunch of self righteous (prima donna is a nice way to put it. I like that ; ) ) people who were drawn to the helping professions for the worst reasons. They want to kno everyone's business and tell them what to do. They want to manipulate and control others and feel above everyone else.

I went to college with a bunch of them, and it turned my stomach to see some of them delight in learning how to manipulate by saying the right thing in just the right way. I also worked with the most controlling and dominating person that I've ever seen, and she was a social worker. In grad school the nice, genuine professors were the ones interested in research and not "practicing." And same with my peers. The research oriented students were the ones who were nice and actually wanted to help people and society. And I repeatedly learned that lesson the hard way.

So yeah, I agree. The profession kind of sucks, and I wish i'd gone to school for something else.

But then it is rather funny to me that I work with a bunch of counselors and not a single one of them sees that I hav aspergers. And rather fitting when I show signs of depression and not a single one of them expresses any concern.


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tall-p
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25 Feb 2013, 6:46 pm

I've done searches in the past about how autistic folk were treated in the past. There's little to nothing. It's like there wasn't any autism until the beginning of the 20th century.

I remember that early 60's that in the upper corner on the front page was a daily horoscope, and inside the paper was a detailed horoscope for every sign. People have been going to astrologers for thousands of years, and that astrologers knew what is going on here. Everything was written in the stars, but you needed an education to understand it. Astrologers could give people a personal diagnosis, and they could give them instructions on how to get the future to work out better for them. I think that psychiatrists are the same as astrologers. People want a diagnosis. They need someone to tell them what is going on, who they "are", and how to make the future work out.


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cyberdad
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26 Feb 2013, 1:04 am

hyperlexian wrote:
i think that people get out of counselling... whatever they bring to it..

Basically what psychologists do is to provide a way for the client to help themselves. If the treatment is successful then the client will give credit to the psychologist. In reality a set of standard questions and a mirror would be enough. People need an objective point of view to tell them to stop smoking, get over their depression or improve their focus to study better. It's a form of placebo effect.



opal
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26 Feb 2013, 3:14 am

hyperlexian wrote:
[
i think that people get out of counselling... whatever they bring to it. there has to be a point at which they are humble enough to believe that there is someone smart enough or accomplished enough or talented enough to help them.
i would divide people into 2 groups - people who are willing to be helped by counsellors, and those who are not willing.


I really have to disagree with this. Some people go into counselling quite ready, willing and motivated, and leave disillusioned. Just because someone is a professional, has a degree, and is being paid a lot of money , does not mean they are good at their job. Some just don't have the life experience. Some have no understanding of the specific issue or background, or mental /neurological issue. Some are too arrogant to learn and some just don't give a dingo's kidney.

This is not confined to psychs - I've seen it in my worklife, and elsewhere ( one special ed teacher that commented that the mother of an aspie kid having panic attacks should just wrap her in a straight jacket chuck her in the car and drive her to school 8O )and there have been enough instances in the recent media of teachers, nurses, and doctors acting inappropriately.

I think saying that if one is not getting anything out of it that it is because they are not motivated enough is naive and simplistic.



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26 Feb 2013, 5:11 am

I had about 6 months of counseling where the only thing the therapist ever said was "tell me whats on your mind?", even when I told her what was on my mind the only response from her was to ask me "whats on your mind".

I expect she had to go to University for 5 years to learn how to do this, I also suspect she got paid a huge amount of money to do this as well, no wonder the NHS is broke.

I might suggest to the NHS that they sack their therapists and just write, "Tell me whats on your mind" on a piece of cardboard which they could hang around a dogs neck, at least the patient could stroke the dog which would at least be a bit therapeutic and all they would have to give the dog is a couple of cans of Chum each day and maybe a bonio or two.



hyperlexian
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26 Feb 2013, 5:44 am

i didn't ever say that ALL therapists are effective, or that every experience would be a perfect one. if one therapist doesn't work out, a person can try another one. but blaming the institution itself is not really a fair point, because it can and does work for a lot of people (studies have demonstrated this). even the OP attended one kind of therapy (CBT) and had some success.

but if a person is absolutely certain it won't work... surprise, surprise... it won't. if you do want it to work, there is at least a good chance that it can help.


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howzat
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26 Feb 2013, 10:15 am

My doctor advised myself and my mother to do counseling as both of us had anxiety but it didn't really work for us as the counselor wasn't very helpful so we have decided not to do anymore counseling.



LizNY
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26 Feb 2013, 11:44 am

Nambo wrote:
I had about 6 months of counseling where the only thing the therapist ever said was "tell me whats on your mind?", even when I told her what was on my mind the only response from her was to ask me "whats on your mind".

I expect she had to go to University for 5 years to learn how to do this, I also suspect she got paid a huge amount of money to do this as well, no wonder the NHS is broke.

I might suggest to the NHS that they sack their therapists and just write, "Tell me whats on your mind" on a piece of cardboard which they could hang around a dogs neck, at least the patient could stroke the dog which would at least be a bit therapeutic and all they would have to give the dog is a couple of cans of Chum each day and maybe a bonio or two.


Yes! Pet therapy! Lol


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26 Feb 2013, 11:57 am

I found therapy useful, but I never went into it thinking that it was going to solve my problems.

I just required an objective POV concerning my behavior, and that's what they gave me.

In total, I've found psychiatrists to be more helpful than psychologists. Drugs > talking.


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26 Feb 2013, 12:02 pm

Largely I don't think therapy and counselling do help people with ASCs.

For instance, my youngest daughter has HFA, she was referred for help with her anxiety. They told me that all there was on offer was a group for same age children for talking about worries. She was adamant she didn't want to go and I knew it would be of no help for her anyway. Firstly, being a group setting she would not feel comfortable, but mostly, her anxiety is because having autism means she has an obsessive thinking style and is always on high alert. That is just how she is, her coming up with worries is not so much about the worries for the most part, but how she can't stop that way of thinking. All the talking in the world won't change that. And the group wasn't even for autistic children, just children with anxiety.

I have had various counselling and therapy in the past. Not any of it helped me at all. I thought they could help me and that I'd come out feeling better but I didn't. For 99% of the time I didn't know I had AS. Now I do, I recognise that this is why. All the talking in the world won't help me either. I am highly self-analytical and know far more about myself than any counsellor or therapist could learn. They try to fit your behaviours into a model that they have learned and I don't think it works at all for people with ASCs. We are wired differently, we see the world differently, our negative experiences are based on realities that we go through not a result of some mental illness that makes us view the world from a skewed perspective. Talking about how I feel becomes boring, and actually in the end annoying. It's circular and without resolution, this is why its pointless. Counsellors and therapists cannot change your practical experiences of life, and this is probably what most of us are challenged with, and that is what feeds into our mental states and brings co-morbidities such as anxiety and depression.

The one thing a counsellor did do for me, and I will commend her for that, was that she said one thing that made me recognise my strengths. I had been so mired down in depression because of what I felt were my failures, and an unsupportive husband that added to them that I couldn't see the things I had to be proud of. It stuck with me what she said and I will always remember her words (even if I can't remember her face or her name).


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26 Feb 2013, 1:24 pm

I sometimes struggle with depression and thoughts of suicide. I have not yet tried antidepressants, but they are kind of my ace in the hole. My personal plan is 5 months, potentially 5 antidepressants, and that's merely my Vegas over-under! (50% chance of working) Because not a doctor in the world can predict which antidepressant will work for which patient. And that's just where the science currently is. In a respectable sense, it is trial and error.

And I do like people sharing their life experience that they have had bad experiences, particularly with SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors). Basically, I just think that if things get bad, it's a chance worth taking. And hopefully, I'll be more ready to quit and more ready to stand up to a doctor who says "Just give it a little more time" and "the bad symptoms will settle," almost as if he or she is a wooden puppet---which I understand doctors do say. And without sincerely listening to how bad.

And I understand it's important to step down from an antidepressant in stages. Although perhaps less important if I'm switching from one to another, and yes, if the time comes, I'd very much like to have a doctor's imput about this. And I think I'll actuallly have a better chance with a generalist like a family practitioner or internist, who is less likely to have their ego all wrapped up in a particular recommendation. Although a doctor who's a generalist may only be a so-so listener, too.



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27 Feb 2013, 3:22 am

I guess it all depends on the person as to what works for them - for me having a counsellor was very useful and I would put that mostly down to me being open and trusting her (often going beyond what I would usually tell people in general) so she can really understand me.


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