Question for female Aspies regarding dating

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Thank you all so much for posting about your lives. I very much appreciate you sharing details of such a personal nature.

It's been extremely helpful to me in crafting the next stage of the screenplay. If you have any more thoughts, please share them if you're so inclined.

Respectfully,

-- David

Dave - have 'PM'd you x

I haven't dated enough people for there to be a typical first date.



Later, but I do let people know that I'm socially ret*d, probably more interested in music than them, and so forth.



I don't rule people out for not having an ASD, but I must say that the number of NTs that understand me is very low.



- That we have it so easy that all we have to do is put on a pretty dress and flutter our eyelashes and we'll be swarmed with great men. Actually, that's a myth about women in general.
- That our lack of social skills are not a major barrier to dating.
- That, unlike men with AS who have real social skills issues, we're just quirky geek girls.



Neither.



It wasn't the main reason for the breakup, but in the talks afterwards there were a few mentions of me being too awkward with his friends.



Don't know; you'd have to ask them. No guy has ever given me a detailed rundown of why they love me.



No.


No.

I have a question for the ladies: Do you find it difficult to make girlfriends? I know for women to bond it's important to chit chat, gossip, shop etc. etc.

Very very difficult. I've only had a few female friends in my life and those friendships were fraught with misunderstandings and anxiety for me.

Yes, it is difficult for me.
None of my friends are into chit chatting, gossip, shopping or other "girly" things. My best female friend is a drummer in a heavy metal band.

Completely disagree writers must research it is essential. Many writers are introverted folk who must be happy to sit alone with nothing but their imagination and writing tools - this invariably does not lead to many exciting experiences for strictly writing only what you know.

I just finished 'The Lovely Bones' by Alice Seabold and I am pretty sure she does not know what it feels like to be a dead girl. Likewise how many writers have really navigated star ships boldly going where no one has gone before.

I appreciate a writer that takes time to research their subject. From my own experience of writing I have found that I tend to start of with preconceptions which are challenged as I research further. This is frequently something I find most enjoyable part of the writing experience and helps me understand my characters much better.

I am however curious to know what drew OP to the subject of the Aspie female.


---

-- what is a typical first date like?

Always guys I met online. A date which seemed to go bad would leave me feeling on top of the world if he said at the end I will call you. These guys never called I had no idea why.

-- do you tell NT guys about ASD right away or later? Or never?

Me and BF are discovering it together.

-- do you date NTs or only others with ASD?

If I were single I would be indiscriminate, my current BF has ASD and NT traits. As do most of his family. He fails to see this in himself.

-- what are the common misconceptions about women with ASD and dating?

No idea

-- are you ever embarrassed about ASD or are you proud?

Just relived until recently I thought I was just a useless mess of a person - but I don't tell people because they don't understand and I think they would rather think of me as having a long list of nasty individual traits that all must be worked on.

-- have you ever had a guy reject you because of ASD?

Only just accepted it at 28

-- what have guys really loved about you that was part of your ASD?

He likes that we can have really deep long intelligent conversations. Also that I can fidget for 2 hours just playing with his hair in one singular circular motion or be obsessive picking at his hair as gross as that may sound.

-- do you have any funny stories, something that made you laugh?

When we both first met neither of us declared our interests of web design and development thinking the other wouldn't be interested and think the other to be odd and geeky, we ended up making a pretty good team once we were honest.

6 days after we met in person he was thrown out of his mothers house and had no internet connection, we had been talking for months online (lived down the same street but had never met). I didn't like him that much until the day before we met in person although he was trying really hard to get me to go out with him (I was 16 he was 19) so I almost missed my chance completely.

I know this is not conventionally funny but coincidences and misperceptions me me laugh allot.

-- any sad or disappointing stories?

Sometimes he comes to hug me just to be nice and I tense up and freak out if its unexpected or if I get touched somewhere unexpected by accident.
I think my dad had some kind of ASD but I never got to meet him to find out.

-- if you're dating successfully now, is there any advice you'd give younger women with ASD?

If someone wants you do do something you are not comfortable with then they do not have your best interests at heart.

-- whatever else you want to share about your dating life.

I have told him everything about me but he feel there is still allot I haven't shared, my theory is that I don't embellish my conversations with emotion therefore he reads this as me holding back. Many arguments have been about communication difficulties such as me over talking him when I think it's my turn to talk.

-- tell me what bugs you about the way ASD characters are portrayed in movies/TV. I want to avoid those!

This might just be me but even thought I have drawn up elaborate spreadsheets and calendars detailing how exactly I will spend every minute of my day, other people have always been the unpredictable variable that destroy my immaculately laid plans. My life is utter chaos yet media portrays only uber organised control freaks like it is simple.