Living alone - alone

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I have no problem living alone. I wont even allow anyone to come i9nsde my apartment, not even family. But I have always been like this. My sleep schedule is no schedule. I have insomnia and stay up until I can no longer keep my eyeballs open, or elde I take about 7 different pills, relaxzers, pain killers and sleeping pills until I am knocked out. I very seldom go outside and when I do, I have to stick earplugs in, sun goggles and a big floppy hat, like a force field to protect me. I have even learned sign language to respond to people who try to talk to me. I go outside for long walks at night. I am getting ready to buy a moped/scooter so I can go further from home.

The biggest problem is that I dont percieve danger so I go places in the dark that rational people maybe would not go, but it never enters my mind the thought that any human being would want to harm me physically. I am terrified of someone hurting me emotionally so I dont get close to people, not even online

I've been living alone the past ten years and did so without too much trouble until I had a medical procedure a few weeks ago that required me to stay on bedrest and avoid lifting or doing anything strenuous for the following week. Oy vey. Basically, I dealt with it by completely ignoring medical advice and doing things for myself anyway, which led to some problems. But, I got through it. Just took me a little longer to recover than it would have, had circumstances been different.

I live with one other person in a treatment apartment, but am more alone than I ever was. I keep myself busy though. During the day, I go to a program/rec center for people with psych problems. In the afternoon, I walk into town to go shopping or just to go. In the evening, I go on the computer and watch tv. I'm usually in bed by 10-ish, and wake up about 8-ish. So, that's a day!

I lived mostly alone-alone from the time I got out of college in '88 until about four years ago. The longest stretch of alone time was '91-'00. I didn't have a lot of problems -- my lights or water would occasionally get cut off because I forgot to pay the bill, my place was messy most of the time, and my diet wasn't very good (for the most part it consisted of fast food and frozen dinners) -- but I did OK. I'm living with my mother now, but it's for financial reasons, not mental health reasons. I did find out that I'm better off in an apartment than a house. I bought a house in '01, and when things started to go wrong -- leaks, appliance problems, etc. -- I didn't know how to fix anything. In an apartment, the maintenance guys fix everything for you.

i was saved from living totally alone by my late parents, at least from the point after i got out of uncle sam's army in 1988, until my parents' passing in 2008. in that 20 year interval i was their caretaker, driving them to their medical appointments and helping them around the house. all their other kids had families of their own so it fell to me [the baby of the family] to be there for them. during that time i was achingly lonely for friends and a mate but working 12+ hour days at the local army post and dealing with eldercare put the kibosh on any socializing, social skills or no. but after they passed away, i was totally on my own and had to find another place to live in a hurry, and since 2008 i've lived as a hermit in a tin can out in the woods away from civilization. i couldn't handle apartment living, in that i don't like being exposed to all the neighboring unit noises [people yelling, bedroom sounds, banging walls and footfalls and such] and i don't want anybody to hear my noises either. plus i never had enough income to pay rent. so an isolated tin can was just what the good doctor ordered. but living out in the woods surrounded only by unfriendly yahoos also was not a recipe for finding soulmates or even good friends. it got achingly lonesome for me, to the point where i went a little psychotic, until i learned how to be my own best friend. so i would go around talking to myself, and despite my efforts at being subtle people got to see me chatting away with myself and doubtless thought me touched in the head. anyways, so as to stay out of trouble i just holed up in my tin can, going out once per week to get groceries. my living aloneness was finally DONE when a VERY very nice wrongplanet member by the username of alpineglow saved my life and saved me from the irrelevancy of terminal hermithood leading towards a gray anonymous death of emotional neglect. i am finally in love. and i say to myself, "whodathunkit?" i hope this ramble is useful to somebody.