Relating to the pain of others

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I don't like one upping but if I can relate their problem to something in my life I'll by more likely to understand it than think "you care/feel bad about that?"

Here's the thing.. there's a difference between INTERNALLY making that comparison, and making the comparison out loud. We all, when we are attempting to empathize, compare it to our own experiences in an attempt to find an analogue that will help our understanding.

However, making that comparison out loud can come off as frustrating or dismissive--or even self-centered, as though you feel the need to turn the topic of conversation toward yourself whenever possible.

My husband is great at sympathizing. What he does is he makes a pained, sympathetic expression--the one where the inner corners of your eyebrows go up, similar to worry--and tells me he's so sorry, wow that must really hurt, is there anything he can do to help? Have I taken some medicine for it lately?

If I express pain again relatively soon, he doesn't go through that whole thing again (with the medicine, etc), he just makes the expression of sympathy again and says "So sorry, baby."

It's great. Makes me feel like he cares, and really understands what I'm going through, and genuinely wants to help.

There ARE times when it is appropriate (and even desirable) to bring up your own experiences, but it's hard even for an NT to know exactly when those times are. Avoiding comparisons is usually the safer route.

To be perfectly honest I do not care about half the things my GF talks about, in contrast to my own interests, but I do listen. I its just hard to do so when a problem arises that she could have prevented with my insight, yet my insight is seldom if ever asked for, so I stopped offering it without provocation. Another big problem is that I think OUTLOUD, like, A LOT and part of this situational association happens out loud as we talk but she usually cuts me off before I can reach to the conclusion that does not make me look like a b***h after all.

It doesn't sound like an Autistic trait. Saying it the wrong way or at the wrong time sounds like an Aspie thing. It's nice to be able to talk to someone who's been there. It's difficult to say that you've been there in such a way that also says "you're not alone you can talk to me" and not "been there done that" but if someone told me s/he's there for me and understands I'd probably react positively. Expressing your intentions clearly can be problematic. That's where things get rocky for us. Maybe most NTs don't even attempt it because of the possibility for misunderstanding.

It means they think back to a time when something similar happened to them. But not necessarily exactly the same thing. And it doesn't mean they will expect exactly the same conclusion.

It just means they know what it feels like.