Catching up on Missed-out Fun During the Young Years

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Just a thought! After reading this post. Wouldn't it be neat if all of us could get together and go on some vacation. like taking a cruse, going to Hawaii or going to Disney world. After all. since none of us ever did this stuff when we where younger and to be able to do this as a group with other people around that we can relate to. I think it be kinda cool. It would be like a Spring break for Aspies. We may be older now but as the old saying goes "Better late then never!".

10 years ago, even 5 years ago, I would've agreed with you. But I guess it's something that came to me with age. Ironic, considering that it goes away with age for most NTs. On my cruise, for instance, me and my friends from the ship (a mixed group of guys and girls) were acting very much like 21-year-olds, only were were all in our 30's and up. It was things like getting really drunk, dancing with each other provocatively, shouting "whoo!! !" at random, and yelling at other ships in port (we were on Carnival). One time, we bantered back-and-forth with another ship docked next to us. (We pretty much humorously mocked their cruise line and cheered for ours. They reacted by offering us a red bag, in reference to the Triumph incident.) It was all in good fun, a la school spirit rivalry. Back in high school, I never got into it. And yet, at age 30, I was rooting intensely for my ship, like it was personal. Maybe because my high school was a source of bullying, while Carnival gave me the best vacation of my life.

Come to think of it, I feel like a social Benjamin Button. I liked quiet entertainment when I was young, now I like crazy parties. I'm sure many of us are in the same situation; that's where LupaLupa's post comes in. The cruise/Disney World idea would work only for those of us with AS mild enough to enjoy NT-oriented activities. But the idea is sound; I like it.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 22 May 2013, 11:49 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Not a bad thought. The few times I've been on 'vacation' it was always what someone else wanted to do

True that! That's exactly why I chose to go on my cruises solo. And they turned out nothing short of amazing.

I have never been on a cruse but would like to. Got any suggestions on cruses that are "solo" friendly or are you into it for a date?

Carnival Cruise Line is very solo-friendly; that's who I went with (see below for a funny comment). Well, just their onboard atmosphere: everybody has fun, and the camaraderie is great. Their pricing, on the other hand, is atrocious: it costs about same same for one person as it does for two. But I had so much fun on both of my cruises, it was worth it. I'm not in it for a date a priori; I met a woman who showed interest in me about a day or two into the cruise. As my friend told me, "just worry about enjoying the cruise; if you think about meeting a woman, it won't happen". In the end, the only downside is that those cruises gave me somewhat of an existential crisis; I got a taste of what I should have had in my young years, and now I miss it a lot.

I talk extensively about my solo experience in these threads: "Solo cruising: aspie perspective" (http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt197691.html) and "Hyper-NT behavior on a moving ship" (http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt229002.html). Perhaps you'll find them useful.

By the way, I remember talking to a therapist about how the cruise affected me, and he asked me: "who did you go with?". I told him "Carnival," since I thought he meant which cruise line; this is how most people I met on the ship would interpret the question too. He then explained that he meant which person I went with. When I told him "solo", he got concerned for me; the session went downhill after that.

Well, I guess I'm not as mild as you. I'm more HFA than AS or something. Sensory problems and over-stimulation affect me more than "being blunt", "not understanding sarcasm", or "missing social cues". I just can't get into that extroverted NT stuff at all. Believe me, I tried it in graduate school (before my workload became too much) and just found it boring. I'm not quick enough to come up with appropriate banter crap without just saying really immature things. My sense of humor is either so dark/deadpan it goes completely over people's heads or very immature stuff. I even tried to get really drunk but it seemed like I had a super high alcohol tolerance because I didn't really get any looser or more social, just felt more spaced out and bored. If I could do college again I think I'd prefer to find stoners to hang out with. I'd rather be with more quiet and peaceful people who discuss philosophy and talk about random crap. I also like nature and artistic stuff. I don't want to go on a cruise or go to Disney World and be bored out of my mind. I'd much rather go sky diving or hang gliding. I'd like to chase tornadoes. I want thrills in my life, not boring social crap.

I never had a real young adulthood. just a drudge of mcjobs and going home alone, Saturday nights going to bed early, rubbing myself raw in frustration. no fun.

Don't be so hard on yourself. First of all, my NT-like behavior and hyper-social personality seems to be limited to cruises and parties with near-strangers. That means people I sort of know, but not quite acquaintances; and everybody on a cruise ship seems to be a near-stranger, due to the "all in the same boat" mindset. Two, the elements that let me be social were the same ones that caused me huge problems during childhood. Case in point. When my group of new friends were almost back at the ship, after killing a few brain cells in port (i.e. partying in a bar), I looked up and saw the ship towering over me; it was the height of a 10-story building. When I was little, I had an extreme fear of towering objects (except buildings I was familiar with); it's what caused me to have a phobia of chandeliers. I was really bothered by an irregularly-shaped thing of metal and glass hanging over my head. I wasn't afraid of it falling; it was the visual itself that sent my sensory defenses into overdrive and scared the bejeezus out of me.

However, instead of causing a surge of adrenaline (fear) and cortisol (stress) like it would have if I was a kid, the visual of a towering ship caused a surge of dopamine (bliss). Why? Beats me. Plus, we were exchanging hugs and warm goodbyes with some people we met at the bar; they walked us to the dock, but they were staying at a local hotel. That throws oxytocin (bonding) into the equation. And a lot of us on WP know that dopamine and oxytocin put together is what lets NTs feel happiness from socialization. In nearly all other situations, I could never banter the way I did with the people on the adjacent ship. It was all chemical. If we can find way to put ourselves in situations that let our bodies secrete dopamine and oxytocin, we can act like NTs, while still retaining the best parts of AS: loyalty, sincerity, and adherence to rules.

You mentioned sensory problems and over-stimulation. Can you think of an environment that gives you a positive sensory experience and stimulates you just the right way? Maybe you'll have an easier time socializing there. Look into special interest groups in your area.

Anyway, I suppose cruising on Carnival is how I try to make up for the young years I never had. It's a party cruise line, so the POTATO behavior, that LongWaysAway nicely described, is completely acceptable there. So that's why I go on cruises. It's one of the last remaining ways for me to get my partying fix in, before I get so old, it'll be socially unacceptable for me to do it even on a Carnival cruise.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 23 May 2013, 11:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

those cruise ships sound like a big adventure. maybe one day... when I will really be in my 2nd childhood.

There may be a cultural difference in this thread. Many posters (and I'm not saying Marshall is one) have suggested that posts along the lines of the OP would rule out being an Aspie. On the other side, more than a few posters have made posts that incorporate outside cultural/social experiences into "WP-esse".

It would be interesting to explore the different cultural sides of the "Aspie-sphere", but I'm probably not the best writer on WP.

I can relate to this part. As an aspie, I was an embarrassment, and held to higher standards than my sibs; their behaviour was often a lot worse than mine, but at least they weren't "weird". My dad was a highly intelligent professional,(although an alcoholic) who died when I was barely in my teens - as the oldest female, I became responsible for cooking, laundry, ironing, cleaning, and being my mothers shoulder to cry on, she was not capable of taking care of a family, (or of being in anyway grateful)

So although I diddn't miss noisy clubs, I do miss the youth of new clothes, seeing bands, travelling, being autonomous and not having anything more important to worry about than what NEW jeans I was going to wear to the dance.

I decided in my twenties that I was never going to have kids, because I didn't want anyone to be responible for for the NEXT 20 years.

I think we are just very different. Maybe I just don't have any oxytocin. My sensory issues are not related to noise itself. It's the dissonant clash of people aggressively interrupting each other, talking over each other, and just being overly vivacious in a way that grates on my nerves. I understand that there's energy in that for some people but for me I get nothing out of it. It's all extremely superficial and I don't feel connected at all. I'd rather get together with a small group and do something adventurous, even outright mischievous. Vandalism would be fun. Standing around drinking and laughing at things that aren't particularly funny to me bores me to tears and it's not something I can ever change. I'm just not an extrovert at all.

As for sensory issues, noise in and of itself doesn't bother me anymore. I was terrified of thunderstorms at one point as a young child. Now I absolutely love thunderstorms, the louder the better. I also like music that is pretty dang loud, dark, and dissonant. To me a rock concert is a positive sensory experience.

I suppose so. Not in the way you describe. I don't have any inclination to better my social skills or participate in socializing with people. What I have done in recent years, in particular after I started to receive positive effects from my meds and also from therapy, is to participate in hobbies that I would have otherwise avoided due to fear/anxiety/lack of motivation from depression.

For instance, I picked up skiing again last fall. I hadn't gone skiing in maybe ten, fifteen years. I hadn't gone skiing because I had a lot of fear associated with it. Skiing was fun for me when I could go at my own pace, but all of my past experiences with it involved being accompanied by my older siblings who would always go too fast or pressure me into doing runs that were above my skill and confidence level. This escalated to shouting matches between myself and older brother about the relative difficulty of certain runs and whether or not I could handle them. It sucked and I grew to hate skiing because of it.

Last fall I bought new ski equipment that fit me properly and I drove out to the mountains by myself to ski. It was hard at first (I was out of shape) and scary. I left after only an hour that first day. But I went back. And back again. I loved it. No pressure, by myself, no talking, and no debating when to take a break. When I felt tired, I stopped. No matter if stopping resulted in wasting my allotted lift ticket time.

It was a big step towards improving my life. I even bought a mountain bike last month so I would have an activity that I could do in place of the skiing during warm weather months. I'm having a lot of fun with that too. I try to do the mountain bike for at least an hour once a week. I will lengthen the duration as my body adapts better to the exercise.