Rude people online

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yeah same. I wouldnt do it after a few hours and thats for sure.

if i was waiting on the edge of my seat for a reply for a few months i might change my tune.

Thats why i suggested a history of people ignoring making it worse. you surely know what its like to have previous history taint your interactions with new people, as you've already demonstrated .


i just never think people are that bad. i dont find it reasonable to assume the internet is full of creeps when the real world doesnt seem to be.

have u ever noticed theres a big difference between the way u deal with rl facebook friends and online facebook friends? i always feel under so much more pressure when i talk to people i know irl.

People just do things they would never do when theyre online. People ignore people online, people blow up on people online, but most people are a million times better behaved when they actually know you and they have other things keeping them in line. Like come backs for their bad behavior for example.



oh, additional reason for him blowing up. Every consider that he wants you to argue with him? if u wont talk to him maybe u would argue with him. could just be a tactic on some level.

Funny, that, because when I consider the conviction rates for stalking, harassment, sexual assault, indecent assault and rape, I tend to think that the word -- particularly as experienced by women -- is absolutely heaving with creeps, and that it is therefore not unlikely that a few of them will pursue their anti-women obsessions under cover of anonymity, via the internet. They're the direct technological descendants of the heavy-breathers, obscene call-placers, underwear-fantasising weirdos and telephone masturbators of the pre-internet age.



Oh great, so he might have wanted a socially-undesirable outcome, and it's the woman's fault for not playing along?

How about this as a simpler possibility: The guy's a creep and reacts like a creep when he doesn't get his own way during 100 per cent of a woman's reactions?

This is actually really common on OKCupid. My mom is on that site and she gets guys like this all the time- they message her incessantly when she doesn't reply, and sometimes they lash out when they don't get a response after several messages. They REALLY suck and there is no excuse for their behavior.

Trust me that you are not alone in this...I'm not sure if you can block people on Okcupid but if you can, I'd do that. I used to have a guy who did this to me (except it was on the phone) and he would get all pissy if I didn't respond, even though i had a boyfriend. Basically, this guy was flirting with you (even if it doesn't look like it) and then got POed when you weren't interested.

I have not found this to be true necessarily.

As someone who has been bullied, raped, abused emotionally, knocked around physically and socially ostracised for not being to able to keep up with the gazillion social rules out there I'd say people can be pretty spiteful in the real world too. Although the internet does seem to make things easier for them to harass someone as there is not much you can do about stuff online compared to calling the police in the real world.

I am not always able to cope with the pressure of having to answer everyone who speaks to me. For example It may be late at night and it is my bedtime but they want to keep on chatting. If I stop to reply to them, even if I tell them I want to go to bed please as I am tired, they keep on replying to me. Eventually I have to log off without making a reply and risk them getting upset if I am not able to get back online to answer their emails for a few days.

I cannot cope with this and its one of the main reasons I get my disability...inability to cope with social interaction. This is one of the ways I struggle.

Eventually I get more and more and more upset....and boom I over load, scream and hit myself on the head.

1 I am tired please and want to go to sleep I cannot keep talking and every time i reply they reply and it keeps it going on and on and on and on and I can't get away even though i tell them it is my bed time

2 it stresses me out and gives me insomnia which makes me physically ill

3 It disrupts my routines...not sleeping at my usual time or getting insomnia also means I will be tired the next day and will have difficulty doing my usual chores and routines for that day as well. I am also too sleepy to indulge in my tapestry and this upsets me too. Then my circadian rhythm goes all wonky from missing my usual sleep time and my weight loss starts to stop because I am not going to the gym and i start getting migraines again...

So now my entire week has been turned upside down all because someone on the internet wouldn't stop talking when I wanted to go to bed.

Then I get depressed and my brain refuses to process anything and function :'(

All this because people keep forcing me to chit chat and socially interact when i do not have the energy for it.

No one can force you to chit chat online.

My guess is that you enable the "forcing" because you try to avoid giving offense. This can give a green light to bullies.

Better to "give offense" early than late.

I've ignored the last dozen or so women who have approached me on dating sites. I'm not interested so why raise expectations that I will only dash later?

And dating sites have "block" buttons. Block buttons are good

Indeed they do and I used it. But by the time I have used the block button I have already seen the hurtful comment.

If i had family, a lot of friends, a partner I wouldn't care what cretins thought of me on the internet, but as I don't have those things and the internet is not working for me in terms of helping me find them it seems to be doing me a lot of psychological harm instead.

I am becoming dubious about logging on, but if I don't log on where do I go for social contact? I know a lot of people here are happy alone, and I am 75% of the time, but I need to mix with other humans and I need someone to share bonds with. I am lonely and instead of easing my social isolation the internet is worsening it. I am actually becoming more and more isolated.

People expecting me to spend hours answering emails online instead of going out and trying to mingle with people to find local contacts. It does not work out online..they either turn nasty, disappear, block me for no reason when I have done my best to remain polite or the conversation just dies out due to lack of people having anything to say either on their side or mine.

So the internet is upsetting to me as by the time I realise someone is block material I have already seen their nasty remark and become upset by it. None of the online relationships are working out to become anything in the real world. And I more alone than ever...

It is quite frankly not working out for me and I need to find ways to find local friends in the real world so I can get rid of the web and stop using all forum boards and social networking sites. I am sure my therapist will tell me to stay off the internet as it is causing me huge amounts of upset.

Especially as I am sure i have stalker...

Fake profile (or appears to be), virtually no text most of the time, no genuine photo, always talks like this:

You will make a lovely sub cheryl (uses my real first name...without ever having asked me what it is so I am assuming they picked it up off of face book as I link to it sometimes).
You are very talented bumble (uses my screen name)

Even in communications where we have been talking for a while:

Why do you like that cheryl
Why do you do that cheryl

It may not be a stalker but the majority of people I talk to don't keep adding my name after almost everything they say. It is a bit odd sounding that is all, especially as the compliments are over exaggerated, they then block me for no reason or suddenly turn nasty, it is the same style of speaking from different empty profiles and so on...

Can't prove anything so nothing I can do.

A few year back a similar thing when someone on a forum threatened to report me to disability for faking my symptoms (which I do not, I have genuine social difficulties etc whatever the cause of them) and I started receiving emails from someone with an empty profile and no personal picture. All the profile read was 'I know you but you don't know me'. They were asking for comfirmation of my personal details such as 'is your full name cheryl xxxx xxxx xxxxx) as if asking me to confirm it along with details about where I lived.

It's was creepy especially as it was around the times I was receiving threats about my disability. I did not answer them.

If it is a stalker it worries me though. What if it is a stalker and they live locally? They seem to be obsessed with me...they are even in my blogs now (if it is them), this is not good. For all I know they are dangerous. They certainly know what they are doing. They know it upsets me, that I will knee jerk respond, even If i do resist responding they know if they turn up in enough of my blogs or send enough emails from enough fake profiles eventually I will respond to it by getting upset and so they persist and keep needling me until they do get a response.

I then respond by getting upset and people start to avoid me so I remain socially isolated partially because of what they are doing and partly because of my response to it. They are not being obvious about it, they look as though they are trying to be kind but they are not. A compliment is nice except when its not genuine and it is someone being sarcastic and taking the piss. Ergo I find over exaggerated compliments (rather than realistic ones) to be dubious.

People can use false compliments as a way of psychologically taking the piss out of someone...not all compliments are genuine. Just because someone compliments you it does not mean they are being nice. I used to have that at school, someone would say 'i like your hair' and then snicker after I had a bad hair cut at the hair dresser that left my hair an orange shade of yellow.

That is not a genuine compliment...that is a b***h fest. They are taking the piss. I read some things socially, I am only partially sited when it comes to that. Bits and pieces I read. Just not enough to know how to go about making friends with complete strangers etc. I can also learn to read an individual over time by watching for patterns of behaviour, even if they try to mask that behaviour...so a person can fool me to begin with, but they won't fool me forever.

It is scaring me and there is nothing I can do, I don't feel safe on the internet anymore but if I stop using it I am totally socially isolated as I don;t have any one in the real world.

I don't care if people think I am paranoid, something is not right with all the messages I am getting from different sites lately between the nastiness and fake profiles and the fake compliments I can't be 100% sure about online (I don't want to accuse someone who is being genuine of being fake if they are not, that would be mean and rude so on that front, if I do have a stalker they have me stuck there...I can't risk accusing an innocent person of something just because they have a similar posting style,. It would be unfair as would lashing out at them verbally).

This person is confusing me and they know it...they are making the internet impossible to use.

Some of the people online like the chap in my OP don't seem right in the head. They seem almost dangerous especially with their level of obsession. I get obsessed with things not with people usually (unless I am falling love with them but I don't go stalker on them as it is not socially appropriate).

There is something very wrong with humanity in the most part.

I can't keep seeing behaviour like that in my OP and carry on believing the human race is good...the truth is the human race scares me. It is violent, lacking in empathy (and i dont mean people on the spectrum), callous, uncaring, selfish and derives pleasure from the suffering of other living creatures be they human or otherwise.

I know there are kind souls out there but there are not many of them...

The human race has gone to hell. It's becoming a sick species.

In life you are going to come across people who are not interested in you, or whom you are not compatible with, the person has committed no crime and it's not a reason to harass them.

----

In regards to people who are not possibly stalking me:

Sometimes I have to chat a little bit to see if there is any connection. Mostly the conversations just don't go anywhere and die out.

I didn't realise that ok cupid had a bad reputation. The site was recommended to me by someone on a forum board. Maybe I should find a different site?

I am considering joining a decent paid site, as I am hoping it will turn up more genuine people.

Sorry you have had bad experiences with such types of guy before.

I don't think the guy in my OP is the same person as my online stalker but he is a bit worrisome in his communications. The fact he lives locally concerns me. I just hope I don't bump into him when I am out and about.

After that amount of time, just move on. That way if they do get back to you in the future it will be a nice surprise.



It is unfair to trap someone in the past. Everyone makes mistakes and you should give them a chance to learn from them. Sometimes it is not that there is anything wrong with any one person but that those people were just incompatible. Why should such a thing stop you from making new, more compatible friends in the future?

Human relationships are complicated and are not black and white. Just because you have a certain reaction with one person that does not mean your reaction will be the same with another.

You should not have to pay for your mistakes with your entire life, especially if you have never hurt anyone and it was all just a stupid social misunderstanding.

No one deserves to pay for that with isolation and loneliness.

In the case of not replying to them the only hurt is hurt they have inflicted on themselves. It is not possible to answer everyone who messages you on the internet...so I tend to focus on those that stand out or those I know. Someone I know well I message most days of the week just to see how they are doing or if they need anything. When I was in relationships I spoke to saw my partner every day. Same with family...I cared for my disabled mother for many years (she is deceased now as is my father. My mother passed from pneumonia 7 or so years ago and my father from cancer 20 years back).

However I get hundreds of mails sometimes especially when I join a new dating site and put up pictures like this:



I have taken those types of shots down now and put up the least flattering picture of myself that I can find. Why? Too many men just wanting sex when I am looking for a partner to love and too many emails which I can't realistically keep up. I am hoping to find someone who likes me even if I am not looking at my best.


The problem is with the assumptions you make...you assume the person had nasty reasons for not talking to you. There could be many reasons as to why someone has not replied and you have no right to become spiteful with someone just because they didn't respond to you.



No, it's not about comebacks its about being able to interpret the situation more clearly.

In person I can feel if someone is upset ergo that stops me as I dislike upsetting people. I feel their pain, I feel what they are feeling. So intensely I can't attend real life meetings with people who are depressed for example because what I pick up on them feeling is too much for me. The same with being in a room full of bullies...the negativity washes off them in droves. It's a heavy feeling that makes me feel sick.

Similarly if someone is fearful I feel that too. Even if I am angry with a person I sense any upset and fear they might be feeling if I were to act aggressively towards them and that stops me in my tracks. I am unable to even stay angry let alone hurt anyone when I see someone afraid or hurt in front of me.

My impulse has always been to want to heal them when I see another living thing suffering not hurt them. I derive no pleasure from seeing another living creature in pain.

I may be able to launch a verbal attack online because I can't feel what people are feeling via a computer screen, but I can in person, painfully so. Too much so sometimes.

My sensitivity to picking up on peoples feelings and negative and positive energy is another reason I don't like to socialise too much.




Id rather he just went away.

Woodster said:

And why the smiley? Do you think it is funny that someone is socially isolated because they made a few social errors, could not live up to social expectation because they are human and not the energiser bunny and because the past, and the people in it, won't let them move on to the future?

How much longer are those people in the past going to keep harassing me because I could not live up to their harsh expectations as a human being and reply to every single email I receive?

Do you have Aspergers Woodster? Do you cope with answering hundreds of emails a week and having to make social chit chat for hours on end everyday in order to do so? If so I want to know how you do it because I am not formerly diagnosed, I could well be a quirky NT, but even I can't keep up with social chit chat every single day of my life. It simply makes me unwell and in order to keep up with expectations like yours I would have to make myself very ill in the process. It is just too much for me.

I am on disability for social problems....my inability to cope with social interaction seems to be being ignored here and people are expecting me to cope with the same level of social interaction as someone who is not disabled.

This is more than a little unfair.

Why would you be amused by such a thing?

You sure you are not one of my bullies. They would find the fact that my past errors are stopping me from solving my social isolation problem because other people won't let the past go and move on too.

Do you enjoy watching people suffer with that spite of yours?

I suspect you are a nasty soul, bully or otherwise.

No bumble, I don't "handle it", my life is a complete wreck, I've been completely socially isolated for ten years and I spend 23.5 hours a day on my own, have never had any friends and couldn't even cope with putting my picture up on a dating site never mind talking to people and its doubtful my my life will ever change, ok? I won't even go into a shop and buy electricity during the day for how shy I am.

It was a misplaced smiley to say I understood, leave me alone. Im sorry my attitude of trying to make the most of a bad situation fooled you.

Then you need to see someone about the shyness if it is that extreme.

I am not that shy myself (i get some social anxiety in some situations ie presentations and dating) but shyness is something you can over come so in that way your life can change significantly. I used to be shyer, it wears off a bit with age.

I still struggle with social stuff though but mostly because I don't know how to approach people, not because i am afraid to approach them. I'll approach if it seems appropriate or if its a formal situation with clearer rules.

Ie I approached a bus driver today to ask her if she was the bus service that myself and the group of people at the bus stop were waiting for. She had not changed her service number from her last run (she still had the number 4 up) and no one at the stop realised she was actually now the 210. I asked her what service she was, she said 210 and I informed her that she had not changed her service number which she then promptly did much to the joy of the group of stragglers waiting to get home.

On other occasions then I don't know how to approach such as when its appropriate to just walk up to someone and chit chat or how to join in with a group. I don't really know how to go about it. In groups I also get more shyness.

How do you manage to reply to people when you have such extreme social anxiety?

I notice you have only been here for a month, have you seen anyone about your anxiety and Asperger's?

Last edited by bumble on 22 Nov 2013, 1:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

They are in denial. They can't fathom that people can think differently.

Hmmm...

You a stalker?

Its a strange type of shyness. I have a confident mind and I'm confident in my abilities but my body is shy.

Its hard to explain but it makes things weird. I wouldn't know where to start to solve my problems and I doubt anyone could help me.

I do better ignoring my problems and helping other people.

If someone else needed electricity during the day I'd just march in there and buy it for them.

All dating sites attract sexual predators, more so the free ones.

I'm uncomfortable being male on a dating site; I'd hate to be female...

You may benefit form Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. It sounds as if you don't value your own person enough to take care of it, but would be willing to do what needs doing for another person. You need to get to the point where you value your own person as much if not more as other people.