On reflection

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^ bringing family members for support is what did it I am sure. I have seen many GPs over the years and after you've come to them for the umpteenth time with something they cannot diagnose or fix they will start to sign you off as a hypochondriac or someone just wanting attention. While I will admit to probably being a bit of hypochondriac (but how much really if I am actually unwell..I may worry about stuff being more serious than it is, but there is still something not right), I definitely am not looking for attention! ack

Anyway, didn't mean to go on about my on issues. I am confused by your loudly announced departure and everyone's attempts to get you to change your mind. It's like NT world in her

Why would you want to leave when you are lonely, people talk to you on here and you may yet meet the love of your life? Unless you said you were leaving so people would feel sorry for you and give you attention? (does this sound mean? is there a less mean way of saying that? I am always confused about why attention seeking is seen like the most evil thing ever, it would be so much easier if people could say, I want some attention, and then people would go Here, have some, and everyone can go back to doing what they were doing)

Several reasons

Firstly I am thinking about leaving the internet completely, especially in terms of using social networking sites and forum boards (online shopping I still sometimes need to make use of) as it seems to be making me unhappy. All the drama and nastiness and spite and judgmentalism from some people on the web (not necessarily this site) is not really what I want in life. It's misery inducing. I feel I may just be better off alone with my hobbies. At least they make me feel good and happy. Ergo I have started shutting everything down including my hobby blogs which are now private and sites like facebook as well.

Secondly I am sick of dating sites so I may as well get rid of those as well. I am not going to meet the love of my life on the internet, I am just going to keep meeting drug addicts who want to smoke cannabis in my house (when I don't want it in my system for various reasons and i don't care how safe the studies say it is, it does not agree with me) or men who just want sex. Dating sites are the worst for this and I am fed up with being made to feel like I am the local free prostitution service. Plus the men I meet online are unlikely to understand my quirks and are usually expecting someone a bit more normal

If I am going to be lonely I may as well do it properly and embrace my 'aloneness' by being truly alone instead of living in false hope all of the time and being continually disappointed. After nearly 40 years of false hope and fantasies of socially fitting in and having that desire/hope dashed I am very very tired now. I feel like it is insanity to keep persisting where I have failed for so long and as I age things get worse. As a teenager partners/boyfriends/family were more forgiving of my oddities, they thought it was a phase I was going through and would grow out of it. My quirks have never changed and at nearly 40 I am no different in some ways to how I was at 18. At 18 my quirks were cute, at 38 they are just plain irritating to people just as my when I was 5. My tendency to walk up to any adult and start nattering at them with my overly large vocabulary for my age about my subject of interest was seen as adorable and I was just seen as a slightly odd little girl with strange tendencies. Do the same as an adult and it is social suicide and is usually put down to god knows how many mental illnesses or often just being socially difficult on purpose.

There is no love of my life to wait for.

Thirdly I like some of the people here, quite genuinely, and find them interesting, well written, intelligent and often very humourous. I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye.

Thank you for explaining! That makes a lot of sense to me. I have also shut down all my social sites, including Facebook and have been much happier for it. This is the only site I use now but even that is becoming too obsessive for me, and I am trying to find ways to cut down. For example, I should be working right now, not chatting, but can't seem to stop myself.
Well, whatever you decide, it has been fun getting to know you and I wish you all the luck and good mental health !