What can I expect from Therapy?

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I do this too. I'm on a constant quest to find and replenish comfortable clothes. I buy and return a lot, and buy items in multiple quantities. Sometimes I buy items online in multiples when I'm not sure they will work and then have to drag the lot back to the store to be returned. I wonder if they dread to see me coming to the return counter.

zer0netgain – Thanks for your reply.

Your advice makes sense. As I mentioned above, I did give her a copy of the diagnosis report. If she reads it (which I hope she will), I presume we would discuss it in our next session. If she doesn’t read it before the next session, I doubt that she ever will. In that case, I may just stop seeing her – simply out of principle.

As a note, I would not expect her (or anyone) to re-administer the battery of tests I took when I received my original diagnosis. I would not expect my performance to be that much different on the Psychologist-administered tests (i.e. WAIS-IV, WCST-R, WMS-IV, etc.). Likewise, I would not expect my answers to differ dramatically on the various questionnaires I completed.



Makes sense.

If the scores on the tests are the same and the answers to the questionnaires are the same, and this psych doesn't see a big difference in your behavior than the other psych, and of course your childhood history is the same, and so is your current life, then what is the point of another psych signing off on a second diagnosis when you already have a first diagnosis that was thorough and legit?

Are you worried that you are misdiagnosed or that you are not "autistic enough" based on what you read from other people on WP?

Dianthus – Thanks for your reply.

I agree. It was disturbing to me. I felt a bit disturbed when she said it. And, the more I think about it, the more disturbed I am.

It was almost as if all I need to do is repair my relationship with my wife and kids and everything will be solved. Or, maybe that will enable me to create better relationships with others. And, then everything will be solved. I don’t buy it. First, because my relationship with my wife and kids is not that bad. Are there problems. Of course, there are in every relationship (I presume). And, more importantly, my relationship with them is much better now than it has ever been.

As I think about it, I am beginning to wonder if a neurotypical Psychologist can really understand someone on the spectrum. While they can understand (at least from a text book perspective) how our cognitive processing is different, they cannot actually experience it. I am beginning to think that the only thing they can do, is to encourage us to become, well, more neurotypical. But, I don’t want that. I want help becoming more comfortable in my own skin.



This bothered me as well. It’s almost as if “improving relationships” is this persons “go to strategy” for helping people. I am beginning to wonder if this whole thing is worthwhile.



The end came up very abruptly. I don’t exactly recall where we left it. Other than the fact that she wanted to focus on improving my relationship with my wife and kids.



I am beginning to think that therapy is not going to help me. Then again, it does give me something new to write about. Which is always nice. LOL.

btbnnyr – These are some really good questions. I had to really think a lot about this...

I suppose, mostly because the people I have told about the diagnosis (my parents, siblings, an uncle, a cousin and 2 former work colleagues) have all expressed doubts. The uncle is a Psychologist (though he is not too familiar with autism). The cousin is a Doctor who works in an autism research center.

That coupled with the fact that I seem much more high functioning than others in WP (being married, having kids, survived the workplace for 25 years). Yeah, I realize that my wife made many compromises to put up with me. And, she mostly raised the kids. But still.

Plus the fact that I am a born skeptic.

Amongst my autistic research participants, all the people age 45+ are married, with kids, and employed fulltime unless they are homemaker.

You wrote that you wanted to figure out, how to make your life with your wife and your kid better, the therapist tells you that he wants to focus on that: I dont see the problem?

I think you bother around too much about separating all your issues, when normally all this issues are linked to each other. If you are depressive and suffer from anxiety, its normal that your life with your wife and kid will suffer from that. So if she says, she will work on you to enhance that, then dealing with the effect of depression and anxiety on your family-life, will as well have an impact on that.

Therapy is not about pushing a few certain switches, but to help you to change your oppinions and believings, that are causing you to be the way you actually are = suffering. And this changes in oppinions, will affect every part of your life, be it work, family, ...

Schneekugel - Thanks for your reply.

I did. But, I did put that as priority #4. Which (to me) means we may get there in several months. Or maybe never. After all, I don't plan to do this forever (as it certainly is not cheap).



So, my relationship with my wife and kids -- from my perspective -- is not that bad. I added it to the list, because I figured that it's something that could always be improved. But, it is not a cause of my consternation. And improving it will not resolve the higher order items. Hence the reason for prioritization. Now, if she had said what you said, about dealing first with sadness/anxiety, then I wouldn’t be concerned. But that’s not what she said.

I think dianthus said it best...





Interesting. Not certain why, but this isn't exactly what I was expecting (out of therapy). Honestly, I have no idea what I was expecting. I suppose I was simply hoping to better understand myself. I was hoping to figure out how to better cope, the next time I am unemployed (which I know will happen, it’s just a matter of when). As this changed my pervasive sadness to deep depression. I was hoping to figure out how to better maneuver in life, knowing I have Aspergers (assuming it is confirmed – LOL).

I am now thinking I should do what someone else recently recommended. Just curl up and read more books on the topic (of Aspergers, Anxiety, Depression, etc.).

My two cents is that you showed up at the psychologist's office. A psychologist's job is to basically "have a relationship" with the PATIENT. And eventually insights come to the patient because of the relationshipThe patient has problems. Patients show up everyday at thousands and thousands of psychologist's every day. So here you are, one of these patients, and you show up for your first appointment with:


How often do you think new patients show up with this ^^?

Plus, you present in the first "hour" that you want to talk about...

She says that she doesn't care about YOUR priorities and she wants to talk about #4... and you think... "I am now wondering if this is all simply a waste of my time/money? That this person is not going to help me (with my top 3 goals)."I do not like relying on any one person's opinion." Or, "Just curl up and read more books on the topic (of Aspergers, Anxiety, Depression, etc.).?

I mean really Rocket doesnt it sorta seem like you want to control the whole show... you have it all figured out... you know what you need well... pretty much about everything? You know that she needs to read all these documents that you have brought, and you want to talk about them... and about how scary it is when you lose your job... and get anxious or depressed. But wait... isn't it possible if you don't want to talk about your relationship with your wife and daughter (and therapist... female therapist) that these relationships, and maybe your relationships are the problem?

Tall-p – Thanks for your reply.

This is good insight. Certainly, I want to expose the Psychologist to what’s going on in my head. Which is why I provided her with this information.



I imagine not too often. Then again, the way I see it, it’s a quick start guide. It helped me introduce myself to her. During our first session, I walked her through the “discovery” process that I have gone through during the past 16 months to get where I am today. That process included the creation of those documents. As I told my story, I showed how those documents fit into this journey.



Of course. That’s part of who I am. Also, I wanted to be as organized as possible. So, I didn’t waste valuable (and expensive) time. I never intended this to be a long-term thing. I entered into this with a specific set of things I wanted to discuss and understand. She is an expert. I figured I was paying to get some of her expertise.

Perhaps, what you are getting at, is that I am approaching this thing incorrectly. Which is very possible. The last time I was in therapy was ~ 30 years ago. It was during a very dark period of my life. The therapy lasted 4 years. I exited from therapy in a better place. But, I attribute that simply to the passage of time, rather than anything the Psychologist did. I have no intention of doing that again.



No. Not at all. Though, I know why I decided to start therapy. I wouldn’t have started without having a specific set of goals.



You are probably right (that relationships are a problem in my life). Particularly, from a neurotypical perspective. After all, I don’t have a lot of friends. And, I am not very close to people in my family (outside my wife and daughters). I have been a somewhat of a loner most of my life. In fact, when I was going through my diagnosis, I was thinking there was a chance that I might be diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder. I guess I didn't have the symptoms.

In any event, thanks for your comments. It really helps me think this through. Also, now that you mention it, maybe choosing a female therapist was a bad idea.

My little point is that chances are that you don't know what you need, or who you are, or what your problems really are... AND, you chose a woman psychologist because that is what you need. Also, you have had one visit, and are looking everywhere for a reason to quit. This is called resistance in psychobabble.

You are correct. I am still trying to figure out what I need, who I am, what my problems really are. This is why I spent so much time creating all these documents, frequenting WP and writing in my journal (which is now > 250 typed pages in 8 pt font). I consider all of this my journey of self-discovery. It's not a new journey. I have been on it since I was younger (and was trying to actually understand why I was so different). But, I have so much more clarity now, after spending the past 16 months reading psychology books (on anxiety, depression, Aspergers, personality disorders, etc), watching lectures, taking psychology classes (from Yale, UCB, etc.), etc.

Anyhow, I spent some time discussing this with my wife this morning. We had discussed it prior to starting therapy. My wife actually is a therapist, counseling teens. She has pretty much been my therapist for the past 16 or so months (from the time I first learned of Aspergers). And, even before that (i.e. the times I became depressed about my general lack of direction). And, she does supports me going to therapy. Though, as she has said multiple times, she cannot be my therapist 24x7. As she tells me often, “Rocket, you are a lucky man [to have me as a wife]”. And, I am.

In any event, I appreciate your thoughts. As it requires me to really question things. Question my assumptions. Question my objectives. Question everything. Thank you.

Well, I had my second session today and it went much, much better. Thank you everyone for your advice and thoughts. As this really helped me really think about what was important to me.

So, at the beginning of the session, the Psychologist mentioned that she had read the 3-page document (describing why I had originally sought a diagnosis), but had only skimmed through the actual diagnosis report.

Then, I reiterated my goals (which were slightly augmented from my original post) including:

#1. Getting a second opinion on the original diagnosis
#2. Figuring out how to better deal with anxiety and occasional depression
#3. Figuring out to cope better, the next time I am out of work (which will probably happen within the next 4-9 months)
#4. Figuring out how to maneuver in life, knowing I have Aspergers
#5. Figuring out how to make my life with my wife, daughters better
#6. Exploring why I felt inadequate as an adult

We spent the first several minutes discussing the first topic. And, I touched on all the key points that I had previously discussed in this thread. Then, we spoke about obsessions, anxiety and depression. Then, we discussed medications. At the end, she agreed it made sense to spend the entire next session talking about the work situation.

So, I walked out of the session feeling pretty good.

I'm glad this session went better for you!

So the medications is a big hangup for me... I have written here about them often. In my opinion once you start with the meds then everything changes. The meds are "supposed to" ease one's anxieties and depressions... all bad feelings. The question becomes, "How are the meds working?" "Are the meds doing their job?" The sessions become shorter as the meds solve all your problems, and eventually the appointments are for 15 minutes once a month to tweak the doses. And you know what Timothy Leary said about dose?... "Dose is everything."

But I am glad you are happier with her. Where did the discussion on medications go?

The medication thing came up, only because the summary of Diagnosis Report (which she had skimmed) included several recommendations – one of which was to “determine the appropriateness” of psycho medications.

I told her that I wasn’t interested in the medication path. As I was terrified of the side-effects. She too had concerns with medication and believed that therapy was a better solution (of course).