Is This How A Person With HFA Is Viewed?

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Aspies do it too. It's a human thing. I have also seen it with my own eyes, online and in real life.

Thanks for the responses people. I guess that hearing what others really thought about us really hurt. I am well aware that others "tolerate" us but to hear first hand their real thoughts was almost like a slap in the face.

To be fair maybe she wasn't that high functioning...

Some girls that may classify as HFA could possibly still be severe enough that the guy is in the caretaker role which makes it kinda creepy for the guy.

The guys were commenting on the the particular girl and not trying to call out a whole community.

There's a woman at work that I can't stand, I talk about her behind her back all the time. But to be fair, I tried several times to discuss our problems to her face and she refused. Also, she knows I don't like her because I now just speak to her when I have to.

But my coworkers hate her as much as I do, but THEY HUG HER TO HER FACE. She thinks they adore her. Sometime it creeps me out, but other times I think it's better to have a good WORKING relationship with people then to not to. Maybe talking behind their backs is just for that reason. Why drag drama and hostility into a job when you can just say what you want when they are not around to people who agree with you? It wouldn't serve any productive purpose if everyone in the office pretended she didn't exist (my refuge from reality).

I don't know, sometimes I think they are fake and creepy and other times I don't think so.

But one thing I do know is that no matter how hard I try, I can't be fake and act warm to somebody that I think is mean and malicious.

But the other thing is that I consider my other coworkers my friends, kind of. Because I see how they can act one way to her face and other behind her back, I understand it's very possible that they may do the same thing to me.

Edited for grammar.

^This. I don't know if what those guys said is typical of what people think about a person of HFA, but I do know that people in general can be very phony. But I think people who act like that will do it to anyone, for any reason. They will find something they don't like about a person or even make something up and use it as an excuse to talk bad about them behind their back.

Also some men just tend to talk this way about women in general, labeling a lot of the women they know as being crazy, a headcase, etc. It's like they are just looking for any reason to write a woman off that way.

Plus most of the time when men are saying something like "I'd like to date her but..." it's just a male ego thing. Think about it, if they are talking about how attractive a woman is, but coming up with excuses not to date her, it is kind of like the fable about the sour grapes (it's out of reach so it must not be good anyway).

You'd be amazed at what you won't hear, especially when your electronically eavesdropping in on what they say about you without them even knowing about it. and JFTR: Yes, they talk about me a lot more then they did about others.

They weren't talking about "people with autism", they were talking about "one person with autism".

Maybe, just maybe, this person is actually not that nice a person. In which case, their comments are fair enough.

If they said "I could never date an autistic person...", well, maybe they'll have their prejudices challenge one day, but we have a communication disorder (amongst other things). Communication in relationships between NTs is hard enough, you can see why people extrapolating from a small number of data points would come to that conclusion.

that made me sad.

Aspinator
Still have to keep in mind that they are not all like that

There's a big difference between being civil to someoone you don't like, and being falsely nice to them. There are a lot of people I don't like once I get to know them, but I would never go out of my way to be falsely nice to them. I'm civil to them when I have to work with them (there's no benefit to being nasty to them because you don't like them, either).
I've had NTs be overly nice to me, to the point where I thought we were good friends, but I later found out that that person considered me just an acquaintance. That was the first time I started to realize just how fake NTs really are. Sometimes they're overly nice to you because they want you to open up to them and tell them something that they can then tell all of their friends and make fun of you for it.

And I do think that a majority of NTs view us in a negative light. (I read somewhere that someone said they overheard someone saying that they don't think a specific person has Asperger's, he's just an a**hole). They're just good at hiding it. They're fake to us just like they're fake to everybody else. (They always say "hi, how are you?" to each other even though they don't really care how the other person is doing. It's just a fake nicety). They do it so often that I don't think they know how to be genuine anymore.

I don't think it is uncommon for people to not want to date people with mental conditions, as there is still lots of stigma....I see it even on this site sometimes. Its not just an HFA problem though people with various conditions can be viewed that way by others, and sometimes people can be judgemental. Also though sometimes people just don't see how they would have a relationship with someone who has autism or other issues but don't actually think badly of them and just wouldn't want to date her.

I am NT friend has Aspergers. I think people basically fear what they don't know. I have seen many examples of this behavior in life. A lot of people are also insecure and don't know how to channel it into a positive activity, so instead of lifting weights or going back to school whatever it might be to feel better they tear others down because its the easy play. Other people had a negative experience with one group of people and want to generalize to protect themselves as a defense mechanism. A good example is someone who is robbed by a different ethnicity and now feels uncomfortable around all people of that ethnicity.

Someone once told me online they want to date someone who is more adult, not feeling like a caregiver. They may also want to be with someone is is more adult like than child like or they feel they are with a child. One of my ex boyfriends was like this so that was also the reason why we were not compatible. Ironically he was also aspie. I can take care of myself but the man may still feel like he is with a child and has to take care of me. My first boyfriend was lot like a child because he didn't like to work, he was stubborn and didn't like spending his money on bills and food and he wanted to spend his money than budget it for bills. It was like being with an adolescent and I learned how teens were lot of work. Plus he just wanted to quit work because he didn't like his boss and then be unemployed and I didn't want to be taking care of him financially because he quit. Then he got fired and wouldn't look for another job and he wanted me to take him everywhere. He had a car but didn't want to get his license because he didn't want to spend his money filling his car up with gas so he found it cheaper to just give me gas money to be his limo driver. Yeah I didn't like having that sort of partner so that was why things didn't work out between us. I needed someone who was more mature and more independent than depending on others and refusing to help themselves. I will never know if he had legitimate issues that made him appear lazy and refusing to cooperate and always finding excuses to not do stuff.

Is it fake to invite them to something you are having like a baby shower or some party at your house because you're inviting everyone else at work or from the group and you don't want to exclude them and have them get hurt feelings? Would this be civilness or niceness?

You mean do "all" NTs consider "all" people on the spectrum as "fxxxed up in the head and too mentally challenged"?
The answer is obviously no. One recurring theme I keep reading is how invisible women with "mild" autism are in the community. If this is correct (as I keep hearing) then it's logical these women largely blend into NT society but may have quirky or unusual social traits but these don't stop them having meaningful relationships with other people.

BTW NTs are as diverse as people on the spectrum, it's probably best not to generalise on what they think of ASD.

Yeah, that girl 'dodged a bullet' without even knowing it!