Feeling as though you are not free...

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I don't think you are free or ever will be. What is freedom but to do what one wants when one wants? How are you free when you have to get up in the morning to go to work? I mean, I like work, but not getting up so early for it. How free are you when you think about all the dumb rules society has? I mean sometimes it's just dumb things, like what's appropriate to wear and what's not. What difference does it make what I wear? But some clothes are more appropriate than others.

Good plan. In order to be free from peoples' judgements about some aspect of yourself (which is what I think you mean by "free"), you have to keep that aspect to yourself. People will judge anything that they encounter. Another good plan is btbyynr's advice to not focus on what other people want you to be.

In my previous very long post you will probably think I went off on you. In a way I did because I have been hearing the exact same complaint for decades from iconoclastic and non-conforming people. Over the years I have honed a response to this common complaint and that is pretty much what I wrote. Before the internet was invented I was saying the same thing to non-conforming friends who were upset that other people mocked them. Of course there are plenty of non-conforming people who just don't care at all when they get mocked or disagreed with. It's just a subset.

Long ago in the 1970's when I was a kid I wore some clothes to school that I thought were the height of awesome. My classmates begged to differ and thought they were the height of hilarious. I went home quite upset and told my mom. Some moms would say, "they're just jealous of how you look" or "how mean- they shouldn't laugh. I think you look fine." But not my mom. She said, "you are free to wear whatever you want to school" (there was no dress code) "and they are free to laugh". She added that this didn't mean I shouldn't wear those clothes anymore, but that no matter what I did there would always be somebody somewhere who thought it was weird or hilarious and that you can't please everybody. But that if I was happy with how I dressed, that's what mattered.

She was right. And I did eventually take her words to heart and have made them my own. What I gave you was the extended version of what she gave me. It is impossible to please everybody. In some situations it is impossible to please anybody. Other people will always have their opinions. If you let that dictate your life, you will be a slave to the opinions of others. Freedom is only possible when you accept that not everybody will see things your way and that's ok. It doesn't mean you have to contort yourself until you match their expectations. But they will still have those expectations.

yup. but im unable to pinpoint where it comes from, as many things bring up feeling that way. its more like a part of me i guess. i feel trapped in my own mind a lot when it comes to communication, and 99.9% of the time i feel like i am not free to be me, and its not really anyone else that has that hold on me.. its my own brain that just wont free me.

I never really felt free to be myself when I was in high school.

This reminds me of Michael Jackson. The guy just wanted to be accepted for who he was and be allowed to express his childlike side and they labelled him a pedo. Maybe he was on the spectrum. I often think if I had his money, I might build my own Neverland too.

The question about whether or not someone should divulge their ASD I think depends on how good the person is at hiding their ASD. As a current jobseeker this is something I've been thinking about a lot recently. When I get a new job I could keep my secret and try to come across as NT but it's quite likely that after a period of time people will start to notice I'm different from them and gossip behind my back, labelling me as strange, as has happened many times in the past I'm thinking that maybe if I disclose my ASD they may treat me with more understand but it's a big risk. I feel like I'm in a lose lose situation whatever I decide to do

Bumble I've been thinking about what you were saying about needing a reference. You don't need to have worked for someone for them to give you a reference. Perhaps there is someone you know who would be willing to say you worked for them and give you a reference even if you didn't work there? I know many people with ASD struggle with lying but for me personally I don't see the harm in a lie that doesn't hurt anyone if it helps you to progress. If I was completely truthful on my CV no one would ever employ me