The aspie pause

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There are several things going on here, I think.

I decided a long while ago that I hated the "filler" stuff. All those "Er", "um", "you know", ouch! I can't even type such things without feeling vaguely ill.

I notice them in others. I count them. How many "doncha know"s someone manages per sentence.

I decided not to do such things myself, er, ever, erm, again. You see?

What's left is speech with holes in it. The holes are "thought". I hate it when I pause half-way through a sentence, because I need to think exactly how I want it to continue, and the b*st*rds (please excuse the language) jump in with pointless twaddle. They are displaying the fact that they haven't be listening to what I was saying, at all. If they had been listening, they would know the sentence was not complete.

Another "these days" effect (or even affect, you could argue) is that when the moron jumps in, I don't listen to them at all (they weren't listening to me, so why should I to them?). I just continue with what I was about to say... a little louder. Then I repeat everything, from where I feel they had stopped listening. I continue the repeat (on auto-pilot by now) as many times as need be... until I'm sure they have heard me (or they've gone away - which is fine by me, too). If they're still there, I will then listen to what they say, in its entirety, without interruption.

A former supevisor of mine once commented that most people interpret the pause (in my case) as waiting for more information, but he suggested that what I am actually doing is processing the information. He taught me that if I realized that there is no more information forthcoming (eg, the person telling me something had told me what they needed to tell me), I should acknowldge, withdraw, and process somewhere else. Following his advice made a positive difference with some of the managers who didn't know what to make of me.

Yep. I'm both running through what was said to me, checking for meanings, and formulating a response that would be suitably understood by the person to whom I am speaking. I'm, in effect, weighing which vocabulary to use and how to phrase something to be at the optimal comfort level for the listener.

People have a tendency to think I'm a little slow, I think, because of that. When, in fact, I'm actually functioning at warp drive, way ahead of 'em.

Damned annoying.

I/we don't speak unless/until we have got/invented something to say/communicate.

That IS another thing! I was SICK AND TIRED of people assuming thing, etc... based on what they THINK I said. I even cae up with a STUPID way of talking to sideswipe some of that. Maybe THAT is why the Germans have such an odd sentence structure...

(E.G. I will tomorrow red the house painted have)! You almost have to wait for the whole idea before coming up with your response!

Anyway, I sometimes go over statements for several hours! I will spend a few seconds/minutes while speaking them, and then review them the next day. If I see something that could be misconstrued, I may correct it at the next opportunity.

Steve

i use to have aspie pause but not really anymore, mostley because i'm getting better at not studdering. it does still happen to me though from time to time

Definitely. Sometimes, when I'm asked a question, I pause for so long, I forget to answer.

I also have Auditory Processing Disorder and things people say sometimes sound like "Wah wah waah wah" to me. So it takes an eternity for me to comprehend what they said, then think of the words to form a reasonable response.

I work at a very noisy restaurant and a lot of times, feel like I'm listening to foreign languages when my coworkers talk to each other. They think I'm slow since I just can't get my brain to act right when I try to say something to them.

I get so overloaded with all the noise and activity the speech part of my brain takes a leave of absence. Interestingly, I can speak with the customers just fine since it's mostly by script anyway.

Starbuline,

I know how you feel. I don't like to sound stupid, but if I pause too long, people may get the impression I don't understand them.

Yanno I wish my b/f would do that. He's AS but he does the opposite...he talks over the top of people -______-; It's made me pretty freakin' sarcastic at times...

All I can say...a pause is preferable than cutting others off or talking over the top of them...

The pause is an interesting phenomenon. It is probably a combination of reluctance to use fillers, internal repetition, anticipating problems, and desire to provide more detail. The interruption is actually textbook. I used to do that a lot also.

Steve

I have the aspie pause, and my son has the aspie hiatus . He'll sometimes pause for 30 full seconds.

The pause is an interesting phenomenon. It is probably a combination of reluctance to use fillers, internal repetition, anticipating problems, and desire to provide more detail. The interruption is actually textbook. I used to do that a lot also.

Steve[/quote]




Steve, how did you learn to cease interrupting? I'm a failure at it..

Steve, how did you learn to cease interrupting? I'm a failure at it..[/quote]

I never really stopped.

I try to spot the logical lull in the conversation(Where it appears all thoughts have been completed, and there is a pause), and try to basically connect what I have to say to the applicable spot. It would be GREAT if I could get a word in edgewise, but it seems I often can't. I'm also less interested in telling them all I have to say.

I USED to constantly be accused of interrupting. That was especially crazy since others interrupted me(even those that accuse me of interrupting them). Now, it happens infrequently enough that they don't complain, and if they interrupt me it often prevents my helping them, so I just don't bother repeating.

BTW I had a couple problems in the past, but one was talking when there was a pause in the conversation. Sometimes they haven't completed a thought, and they then accuse YOU of interrupting.

Heck, on my last contract, a jerk stated an OBVIOUS possibility for a general purpose language, but one that was NOT possible for the technology we were given. He took over the WHOLE meeting! I wanted to SCREAM that they should stop the stupidity. They where like a shipping company discussing how they would monopolize the shipping industry by using transporters like on star trek! Why discuss how you can use something, etc... when the basic premise hasn't even been determined to be sound?

They discussed his theories for many HOURS! People spent DAYS changing things. I DID confide to the guy that took charge of this that it SHOULD NOT WORK! GUESS WHAT!

They came to ME asking me to try to figure out why it wouldn't work! I'm going "HOW can it know where the data is"? "HOW can it know how you want to sort it?" "It is NOT PSYCHIC!! !!" OK, I put it nicer, but that is basically what I said.

They eventually found it was not possible! They issued a "bug fix" request. Meanwhile, I am STILL wondering how it can know what they want to do! If I was in charge of that request, I would just IGNORE IT! I would want to tell them to find a new profession.

The REALLY funny part is that, if this HAD been a language where we could do this, this would have been something we would have thought of adding. ALSO, NO thought was given as to whether it would provide ANY benefit anyway!

Just a taste of the compromises OTHERS make when they try to force an ASPIE to fit in!

BTW as to WHY I even THOUGHT about changing my way of doing things? My mother and father CONSTANTLY complained!

Steve

Depends on what they´re saying. If they ask me what I think of their new kitchen curtains I tend to just stare at them for waaay too long (on what planet do they reside? Why would I have an opinion on that at all??). Other times I know what they´re gonna say before they do and consequently answer before it´s "my turn".

To SteveK: Been there, done that. I have reasonable confidence these days. Butt in, tell them what they're doing won't work. Say why. Say you'll be only too happy to be found wrong, but...

And, the "interruption": I'm guilty. Two uses, both of which I've decided to continue with:

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The "I'm lost" interruption:

I've probably missed something or I'm still busy processing something the other person has just said. There is no point in them carrying on talking, because my ears have just shut down. I tell them so. NTs do not use this form of interruption. They rarely understand it.

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The "You're wrong" interruption:

This was SteveK's problem, as mentioned above. 90% of the time, I am hearing a couple of sentences into the future. I know what they're going to say will be wrong. When they have only just started the fallacious sentence, I'll step in and stop them. Unfortunately, 10% of the time I might be wrong. To my mind, that's an overall net gain. NTs don't like this. NTs sometimes use this interrupt, but their accuracy is the inverse of mine. (smug? moi?).

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NTs have various other forms of "interrupt", which I won't bother to describe, as you know them. I use none of them, except occasionally the "for a friendly laugh" one.