How do I show more interest in others?

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It is dreadful! My friend seems to be sometimes in the throws of a compulsive fit, having to get each studied fact out without interruption. If I try to engage him in a back and forth conversation when he is in this state he sometimes gets angry.

You listen to other people talk, ask them questions about their interests, ask them questions about themselves and their lives.

But unfortunately people may be bothered by personal questions and I just found out it's socially acceptable to ask them in our American culture. But when I had asked them myself, people found it to be a problem because they would criticize it but maybe they weren't American or they just don't like being asked personal questions from anyone and I didn't do anything wrong and it was no social issue. Is there a social rule about it in the states? Maybe someone can tell me such an NT since they lurk here.

But I do know you never ask someone about their sex lives, you never ask someone how much something cost they got or ask if they have ever been raped or ask them about their bodily functions or when they got their period. These are the rules I know to not ever ask someone. Sometimes I forget but I never ask about rape or sex or abuse even if it's brought up by them. But my old "friend" was offended I wasn't talking about his abuse he got as a child but yet I know even asking about it is personal and not something you do so I couldn't win.

People love to talk about themselves. That is one way to get let them know you are interested in them, ask some questions that will get them talking about themselves. Also, if they are talking I am less likely to say something stupid myself (see my post about how it cost me $5000 last Friday). My biggest problem now is learning to wait long enough when they are talking so I am not interrupting.

Ask questions & then actively listen to their answers. That's it! So simple, yet sometimes a bit difficult to execute.. but when you nail it, it's Golden.

I once read years ago that doing this in a sales scenario would result in the other person doing almost all of the talking, and then them thanking you for the conversation. I thought the last bit sounded a bit cheesy and unrealistic. However, the next day, in a sales role, I made a point of practicing this? and guess what happened? I spoke very little, the prospective client spoke ~90% of the time, I listened & commented appropriately to show that I was listening to everything they said, and at the end of our chat? she thanked me for the conversation. No, it didn't result in a sale that time.. BUT, it did improve my communication skills and future sales for sure.

In general, people like to talk about themselves, their job, their family, their interests, their hobbies, their favourite sports teams etc. Pay attention to who you're talking to and figure out what it is they might like to talk about. Grandma might want to talk about gardening while your neighbour with the jersey on might want to talk about the latest football game. Ask appropriate questions to engage them in conversation about their interests and they'll talk away like there's no tomorrow, and they'll enjoy doing it and remember you for the "conversation" even though it may be very one sided with them doing most of the talking. It's alllllmost like conducting an interview of sorts.

As with anything, practice makes perfect.. so you might not nail it perfectly the first time, but so what? Just keep trying and practicing and you'll get better at it. You'll come up with better follow up questions and avoid awkward pauses where you don't know what to say. You'll improve your posture and body language, facial expressions and eye contact etc as you actively listen to them speak. Everything gets better with time and practice. Failures are merely feedback to learn from.