Do any of you deal with feelings of abandonment?

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I think practically everybody needs to be listened to, and good listeners aren't all that common. I have trouble expressing my problems via the spoken word, I can't easily summarise them, I'd exceed their attention span if I tried. I take it we're talking about emotional problems rather than material problems. I think one needs to be quite close to the other person before it's possible to talk about those things. Otherwise they'd just think I was oversharing and back away.

It's something of a vicious circle. Having nobody to talk to would send me nutty, which would put people off, so I'd be more isolated, etc. So solutions need finding.

WP was a real life-saver for me in that respect, I stand some chance of working my posts into something reasonably concise and I can't really buttonhole anybody here, they can always scroll down if they start to feel overloaded, without seeming offensive.

A good counsellor is a real godsend when there's nobody else for the job. Mine were of rather mixed quality but they did some good. I would also pour out my heart into a diary. That can feel a tad hollow but again it's better than nothing.

Years ago in a moment of feeling isolated, I asked myself why nobody wanted to listen to me. It struck me that it was hardly surprising because I wasn't listening to them either. I tried to fix that, and dabbled in the art of being a good listener. People were more attracted to me as as result, but I was silly enough to let it get too one-way. I have assertiveness problems so it was hard to make things more balanced.

These days I'm lucky enough to have a really good mutual listening thing going on with my partner, and the great thing is, listening to each other is very good for relationships, stops them from collapsing, so I can really count on the arrangement lasting.

I'd say you're doing the right things. If you keep chipping away at it, things ought to get better. I think it takes a lot of patience and work.

Are people civil with you, when you try to interact?

Now they are. It wasn´t allways the case.
Since I´ve started listening more, I have come to know that one-way thing, - listening to others most of the time. Sometimes it is a bit frustrating,
Everyone seems to be occupied with own life........well, aren´t we all?

I've dealt with that feeling a lot in the past, and in my more depressed moments, I feel abandoned by those around me. They can't understand the world I live in inside my head, they don't know why I'm in so much pain, and they don't know how to help. Some of my family won't contact me unless I contact them first, but I guess I pushed them away too often when they reached out on their own. I've been abandoned by people I thought were my friends. I don't trust getting so close to people.



Me, too. Though I don't know if I have AS or not. I assume I'm on the spectrum. All I know is that I've felt different most of my life. I've just stocked it up to being shy/withdrawn and deep/sensitive. Most social interactions are based on extroversion and surface chatter, both of which I do not fare well with nor understand well. I feel lonely lost inside my head. I think you are making perfect sense. I want to have meaningful conversations, not "did you see the dishes that so and so got last week?" "How's the weather up there?" That's just pointless chit-chat to me and I wander away feeling dissatisfied and sometimes rejected. However, I have gotten more used to this chitchat/pleasantries as I am forced to be out in the world. I still do not prefer it and do not feel less lonely most of the time unless the conversation makes me feel wanted/belong.



I feel this way, too. Especially around people who just keep interrupting and going on about what they want to say without ever paying any attention to what I might have to offer, plus, most people in everyday interaction have no interest in lengthy conversations. They want the basics, and that's it. They don't have the time for more important information. I can only share my deepest thoughts with a few people and even then it is still not a guarantee that I won't feel lonely, rejected, invalidated, or ignored.



We really are separated when we get locked inside of ourselves, we're isolated and it is more difficult to connect, even when they are right in front of us. When I'm depressed, any number of responses from my boyfriend can seem harsh and rejecting, and I think he might abandon me, especially if he had somewhere else to go. Why the hell would he want me? Meanings and perceptions get skewed when we are trapped in our own heads. It is possible that some people do think that way about you- and that is their problem, not yours. If you think you are troubled and need help, which you have sought, then you are doing what you can. I'm wanting to believe that the world won't feel so full of abandonment and rejection when I am better able to accept my limitations and try to meet people on some common ground between what is considered "normal" and who I really am. People have always seemed to push me away when I'm depressed, like "How could you feel like that?" "You're just a baby." "You're too d@m^ sensitive!" Yep, I'm sensitive, but there are good sides to that and some people appreciate that about me.



Me, too.



I think I know what you mean, because I've felt that way myself, but independence doesn't really mean not needing people at all. We all need each other, we can't be an island onto ourselves. Our worlds are open, we are always interacting and having an effect on the world around us. We are all a part of this together, whatever it is. I'm seeing a counselor, and working with her, and being in this city environment, are forcing me to live outside my boundaries. I feel extremely out of my element, lost and confused. My shell is cracking open, the one that kept everybody at a distance so they couldn't hurt me so easily! So I really understand how you wish you could go back to before you started sharing what is inside. The inside is soft and vulnerable and it feels more secure to stay hidden. But that's lonely too. I'm hoping that as the shell breaks open, the possibility of pain and rejection will not be any greater than the joy and comfort of acceptance and love. I've discovered that the best way for me to deal with loneliness in a social environment is to accept and listen to myself and others. When another person feels heard, they are more likely to listen. When I can take care of myself and my own acceptance, I am more likely to be there for someone else. Someone else has more of a chance of coming into my space, too. I don't know if this made too much sense, I just really wanted to offer my thoughts. I'm still working on it! I even fear rejection and abandonment! I just want to improve... at whatever pace I am capable of. I hope that you are able to find what you are looking for.

They are valuable thoughts. Thank you for offering them. I wish you an interesting journey ahead as you spread your wings more and more.

Every place I go peole go away, even my family. I don't know why I get abandoned all the time srsly.

I feel extremely alone. I don't have a single person in real life that I can honestly talk to and have them understand, or even just listen without trying to tell me what they "know" about me. I also had people lie to me and ignore me, and I had one friend in particular that was the first person I actually felt like i could talk to, but in the end she was just like all the rest and couldn't have cared less about me. Ever since then I have basically avoided making any friends in real life, I just can't deal with it anymore.

I've become a lot more withdrawn in the past year or two compared to the rest of my life. I also tend to be a lot more paranoid about others' intentions lately. I can relate exactly with what you said about feeling trapped in my head, and feeling like I'm going insane.

I want to see a psychologist, but with my job it makes it very hard, so this is pretty much the only place I can go to talk.

Maybe try this: next time you approach a group, try to do the exact opposite of what you normally would do, and see if it makes a difference. eg if you normally wait for people to acknowledge you, acknowledge them first; if you don't normally smile, smile; if you collapse into your body, stand tall; if you speak rapidly, speak slowly - etc etc

Before this experiment, study what you usually do and make some notes, and do a few practice runs (a mirror may be useful) of "usual behaviour" and "opposite behaviour".

See what happens.

Yes...pretty much all the time in college. When i talked to someone, it seem that they're trying to avoid me. Its like they don't want anything to do with me. Bad enough, i get rejected many of times.