suggestions - Aspie children sticking to homework until done

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Is it possible that he has ADD or something? It's common that ADD and ADHD occur with autistic spectrum disorders. I tend to daydream a lot, but I understood at a younger age that if I got my homework done then I'd be able to pass my classes and whatnot. I think it's a good idea to get people thinking more on the means of what could happen with their lives and how potential they have from learning; or so that they'd know that even small things like homework can effect someone's future in the long run. As an aspie, I'm obsessed about not getting worse at something and being the best that I could possibly be. If your son is a futuristic thinker, then you could talk to him about how homework can effect his future like dominos. Lots of aspies are futuristic thinkers so it's likely that your son is a futuristic thinker. I hope this advice helps.

Sounds like me through junior high. In high school, I didn't feel as if I had a place to do my homework, so I just didn't do it.

My strategy now for college is to do everything last minute - intentionally. My time use is much more efficient if I know I can't put it off, and also I work better with a little bit of stress (I have to hide this from people however). Otherwise I will take way too long with a trivial assignment.

I'm not sure if this helps your son's situation, but at least it offers some insight

ixochiyo_yohuallan, your post really made me think about having my son get up and pace while he's doing his homework. Also, I'm going to try and see if wearing his Ipod while doing homework helps him to think. My older son, now 20, always insisted that he did better at his homework if he was listening to music at the same time.

aspiegirl2, my son does take Ritalin, and this does help him focus. I do feel like he loses his creativity when he's on Ritalin, though. He was never a really hyperactive type ADD person, but he does lose focus easily, which is why he takes the Ritalin. He is also one, like you mentioned, that is futuristic, so I will try to let him know that even this boring homework that he does helps him to do what he wants to do in the future.

ZanneMarie and SteveK -- you are really helping me to understand this "state" that my son goes into. From what you describe, it's almost like a Zen state? You describe it as almost being better able to think things through, and that it is a great feeling and one you're not wanting to come out of. You look as if you're asleep, but with your eyes open.

I can completely understand this description. I have felt like that is how I do some of my best thinking, when I'm not actually "thinking" at all, but more relaxing. It's kind of like your brain is going on "auto-pilot" and then all of a sudden, the problem you were having trouble with all day suddenly becomes clear and you think of the perfect solution. I do this when I play the piano. Often, if I think too hard and concentrate too much on the notes, I play badly. But then, if I've had enough practice or experience, either one, I can get into this mode where I play more by instinct than anything else, and I do just fine.

Now, back to my son. What do you think of the following possibilities for helping him?

1. Allow him to do ten minutes of exercise, then ten minutes of whatever he wants, alternating until a project is finished.

2. Allow him to pace while doing his homework.

3. Have him listen to his favorite music while doing his homework.

I also intend to try and explain to him what you've explained to me, that this is a special kind of thought process, and that it's great for thinking up solutions to problems, but when you fall into the "space puppy" mode, you need to learn to recognize it, and find ways to yank yourself out of it for the time being, just so you can finish the task at hand.

You're definitely right, I was going about this in the typical NT fashion, not really understanding what my son was thinking or going through. Thanks for the heads up.

If I remember correctly, ZanneMarie, you helped me with a concern that I had with my older son. This makes it TWICE you've really helped me out!

Thanks to all of you,

Kris

schleppenheimer,

It sounds like you understand what we're saying. There IS one EXPERT on your son that knows more about him and how some things affect him than ANYONE else! That is your SON HIMSELF! If he says the ipod helps, it probably does. Give him a chance! I know it helps me and many others.

As for the choices, let him know have HIM try them out. EACH will probably work to a degree.

Steve

Schlemmenheimer--

I've been reading this thread, and have been thinking about your situation as my sister is going through the same thing with her youngest.

I was wondering if you are working with him in setting up a schedule for getting his projects done? Maybe with all of the suggestion everyone has thoughtfully given, he can help solve this problem of having to get his homework done, yet doing it on his terms?

Perhaps you are doing this, and I'm speaking out of turn.

Bless your heart, is sounds like you are working hard to help him.

I hope this all works out for your boy.

Metta, Rjaye

Just an update:

This morning I asked my son if he thought that using his Ipod would help him do his homework faster, and he said without pondering for a long time "No, I think that I would just start singing along with the songs and forget my homework." I then asked if he thought that listening to music without words, such as jazz or classical music, would be helpful, and he said, "no, I think that wouldn't help either."

I still think I'm going to try his wearing an Ipod while doing homework that isn't too stressful for him, such as spelling. I will tell him that his older brother always swore that he did much better on homework while listening to music. That just might influence him enough to give the Ipod a try, at the very least.

This is all such a learning process.

Kris

Maybe he would rather listen to white noise. Make sure you use the same music over and over. I know I cannot listen to an internet radio station at work. I have to listen to the same music over and over so that it becomes background noise. That might be where he is coming from when he says that. Remember, no open ended statements (I know that is extremely hard). Most of us do listen to the same music over and over when we work or read or whatever.

In other words, when you present a solution like

Zanne-marie, that's so true about open-ended statements. That's the part of this that is so hard for me to remember, or to formulate the questions correctly. I always have to try to think as my son would think, and yet I'm not that aspie (everybody is a little aspie, I think), and so it's hard for me to correctly formulate my questions.

But that Ipod experiment was interesting. I think he was as surprised as anyone that it worked relatively well. He did complain about the earpieces, though -- I think the standard ones that come with Ipods are uncomfortable as well. We'll have to get bigger ones that don't fit inside the ears. But he ended up NOT singing to the music, and it does turn into white noise for him if it's all the same music. Very important point.

Kris

That's okay. We have problems of our own. We understand. At least you're trying.

I have to get the bigger headphones as well. Must be a sensitivity thing?

Glad it's working. How's he doing with space puppy?

did you say your son was 10?

I don't mean to sound rude, but how much homework is your son getting at 10? and is making him do all of the homework really going to help your son academically?

I think you have to be careful that making your son do the homework your way, may lead to him reacting against the pressure in the long term.
I understand that we need to learn to do things we don't like, but I think rewarding you son for concentrating, and finishing the homework would work better than using pressure.