People think I have an attitutude because of my race..

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Quiet people need to smile at others a lot to be considered nice. If you care that much, practice smiling in front of a mirror. You'll get used to it soon and it may change your life forever. I practiced during my teenage years and never regretted it.

OP I can feel your pain, I am of African origin and many people seem to hold preconceived ideas of my personality, when they find out I don't fit into their idea of a "black girl's attitude" I am then accused of "acting white" or being too quiet for a black person.

*giving these kinds of person the death glare right now*

HOW ON EARTH DO YOU ACT A SKIN COLOUR? .. Is that even remotely possible? I thought everyone had their own distinctive ppersonality and views..

I am sick and tired of being forced to be a representative of my race, rather than representing myself as a person, there are millions upon millions of black people on Earth. Why do folks expect all black people or anyone else of a certain background to be a monolith? It is seriously infuriating to experience.

It's a stereotype.. it's annoying but you'll find if people get to know you and realize you're a nice person they'll shake that stereotype. Stereotypes are one of our biggest enemies on the spectrum, we get judged harshly for superficial things that prove to be useless

I am a white male and have the same problem. I can stand silent and be accused of being arrogant or stuck up while everyone else is just called quiet and shy.

I should point out that I was warned about the 'black kids' in school and how dangerous they were. They were generally troublemakers but NEVER ever gave me any trouble whatsoever and were the only ones never to bully me.

Hey Hollowmoon,

Are you feeling better today?

Sorry you have to go through this crap.

Wise people keep their own counsel.

Maybe those who accuse quiet people of being angry and arrogant are really just afraid of what a quiet person may be thinking. For instance, a former classmate once accused me of hating her because I never talked to her. She said that my "silent treatment" of her revealed my anger and arrogance toward her, and that I must think of myself as superior to her in every way. Then she let loose with a string of profanity and insults, and finished up by slamming the classroom door on her way out.

That was the first (and last) conversation that she and I ever had. That was also the last day she showed up to that class. I think she eventually dropped all of her classes and left the university.

I've heard the above quite a bit in reference to "quiet" people.

I can't count the number of times when someone has asked me, "What are you plotting now?"

Ever since 'Animaniacs', I answer with "Same thing I'm plotting every night; trying to take over the world!"

People expect signals that they don't get from quiet people, and they project weird explanations for the absence of the expected signals onto the quiet person.

Layer on to this the well known "angry black woman" stereotype, and you get the situation experienced by Hollowmoon.

It isn't fair, but people are not fair.

I think 886's comment is sort of missing the point...

People are reacting to Hollowmoon's quietness by projecting this "angry black woman" stereotype onto her, and then don't ever get to know her.

Maybe this would be easier to overcome in a very focused workplace where you could communicate with people first about the real detail of the job and thus bypass the social games and nonsense that create this negative pattern? Or if you could develop some relationships with people over a special interest and then work with those people?

It is true that practicing being politely friendly and asking people about their well-being and mood, etc. when you first encounter them each day can be helpful and I have had good results with trying to be more outwardly "friendly" at work. But I am a white male and don't also have to contend with the "angry black woman" stereotype.

I hope you find ways to improve the outcomes of your interactions with these prejudiced people, Hollowmoon.

Thats stereotyping, I don't like it, I remember some kids considering me dangerous and avoiding me like if I was a monster because I'm muslim and arabic lol. I guess my face expression had to do something with it but there were so many others with angry faces but were classified as sleepy or depressed. Someone actually once told me their mom doesn't want them to sit next to me in class. I was just a kid back then.

I'm still frustrated. I just don't know what to do! But thanks for asking

Aw. Honey, I feel the EXACT same way. I am a young black woman and I thought this would go away as I aged, but it has not.

I feel like I will be incarcerated one day because I cannot find work and I cannot join the military and I am sick. When my dad dies, I will have no one to help care for me. Not to scare you, but for the first time in history, black women are being jailed far more than even white males!

All I gotta say is, try to get along with EVERYONE, especially in public. If you don't, you can easily become another statistic of police brutality. Stay safe, my sister and God bless.

Also, I would like to add you as a friend on here.

Ever have NYC style pizza?

I'm thinking you're in Memphis or Nashville.

Yeah. I have. I had Chicago style pizza too! :p

Nope, I am actually from a little town-suburban like area in Florida.

Hey Hollow,
Honestly, I kinda think along the lines of everyone else on this. It may not have anything to do with your race. Maybe not even your gender. Might be cause you are quiet. People have very screwy perceptions of quiet people. They think they cannot be trusted or that they think of them as being high-headed, stuck-up, perfectionist or even narcissist.

I suffered my worst school years among my own kind compared to being among predominantly white kids. Its REALLY sad when you think about it. This is why for a while, I was very ashamed to even be black, let alone female.

As I read the OP I wondered what happens to her when she is around other Blacks. How do other Blacks react to her?

The interesting thing is that the OP gets it from White people (they dont understand her behavior so they assume she's an "angry Black"). But you're Black, and you get it from your own race (that you're acting "too White").

In both cases both races react with racial stereotyping. Thats interesting.

While this doesn't solve the problem of the OP (problems meeting people outside of these environments), I have found all of my friends at work or in classes. It seems to be the surest way of getting people past the initial bad impression. i.e. finding a place where you will see them multiple times regardless of their impression of you.
Maz