Emotional Maturity

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17 Apr 2015, 2:48 pm

I have always had emotional immaturity and now I am not sure where they are at now. I think it all fluctuates. If I ask my husband he will say I am childlike because of my attitude an how I react to things.

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TheAP
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17 Apr 2015, 3:21 pm

I think I am emotionally immature. I get really upset over little things and can't take criticism. When I have my meltdowns, I sometimes feel like a 3-year-old.

starkid
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17 Apr 2015, 3:52 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:

it's emotionally immature to call somebody emotionally immature.

No. There are multiple possible reasons for telling someone that she is immature; emotional immaturity is only one of them. Do not mix up an act and it's possible motivation.

guzzle
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17 Apr 2015, 5:29 pm

starkid wrote:

ToughDiamond wrote:

it's emotionally immature to call somebody emotionally immature.

No. There are multiple possible reasons for telling someone that she is immature; emotional immaturity is only one of them. Do not mix up an act and it's possible motivation.

Do not be presumptuous to assume the person in question is a she. I consider it rather emotionally immature of me to satisfy my need to point this out to you but hey, I'm bored

kraftiekortie
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17 Apr 2015, 5:33 pm

You don't have to tell somebody, explicitly, that they are "immature."

All you have to do is suggest better ways to react to things which might seem "mature"--but, in reality, are merely "sensible."

redrobin62
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17 Apr 2015, 5:34 pm

Emotional maturity is an interesting subject. Sometimes I feel like a 22 year old. I know during my drinking days I was more mature. I'm more withdrawn these days so it's kind of annoying for me to be around people. Sometimes I act out which I apologize for later.

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cavernio
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17 Apr 2015, 5:40 pm

guzzle wrote:

starkid wrote:

ToughDiamond wrote:

it's emotionally immature to call somebody emotionally immature.

No. There are multiple possible reasons for telling someone that she is immature; emotional immaturity is only one of them. Do not mix up an act and it's possible motivation.

Do not be presumptuous to assume the person in question is a she. I consider it rather emotionally immature of me to satisfy my need to point this out to you but hey, I'm bored

Yet I doubt you would have posted if they'd said he.

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cavernio
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17 Apr 2015, 5:41 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

You don't have to tell somebody, explicitly, that they are "immature."

All you have to do is suggest better ways to react to things which might seem "mature"--but, in reality, are merely "sensible."

If we're talking emotional immaturity, that's like telling someone who's highly sensitive to sound to stop paying attention to the sounds around them so that the sounds don't bother them.

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starkid
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17 Apr 2015, 6:24 pm

guzzle wrote:

starkid wrote:

No. There are multiple possible reasons for telling someone that she is immature; emotional immaturity is only one of them. Do not mix up an act and it's possible motivation.

Do not be presumptuous to assume the person in question is a she. I consider it rather emotionally immature of me to satisfy my need to point this out to you but hey, I'm bored

There was no "person in question." "She" referred to a hypothetical person who is hypothetically being told that she is immature. It was used as a default pronoun for an unknown person, not anyone in particular.

guzzle
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17 Apr 2015, 6:45 pm

starkid wrote:

guzzle wrote:

starkid wrote:

No. There are multiple possible reasons for telling someone that she is immature; emotional immaturity is only one of them. Do not mix up an act and it's possible motivation.

Do not be presumptuous to assume the person in question is a she. I consider it rather emotionally immature of me to satisfy my need to point this out to you but hey, I'm bored

Why use a female pronoun? If you were bias-free you would/should have said: "There are multiple possible reasons for telling someone that they are (behaving/acting) immature".
I prefer to use sex neutral pronouns as default to keep as open a mind as possible. Whoever doesn't is presumptuous or biased in my world view...

starkid
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17 Apr 2015, 6:54 pm

guzzle wrote:

Why use a female pronoun?

Because the rest of the world is biased towards default male pronouns. My use of female pronouns is intended to draw attention to that and to remind me of my own personal commitment to womyn and girls. When "he" is no longer used as the default singular pronoun, I'll consider no longer using "she" as my default singular pronoun.

Quote:

If you were bias-free you would/should have said:

You should stop being so presumptuous. You could have asked for my reason for using "she," then decided whether or not I'm biased after considering my answer.

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17 Apr 2015, 7:14 pm

guzzle wrote:

Whoever doesn't is presumptuous or biased in my world view...

Also, I don't consider anything wrong with being biased towards the group that is getting the short end of the stick (of which pronouns form just a very small part). Just as I'm biased towards the interests of the poor at the expense of the interests of the rich, and biased towards the interests of the race-oppressed at the expense of the interests of the racists, I'm unabashedly biased towards females at the expense of males. For anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about, refer to feminism 101.

Attempting to maintain some sort of neutrality or equality (with respect to pronouns or otherwise) all by myself or even in a small group will have little or no positive effect, and will only further the interests of those who wish to pretend and/or convince others that there is no societal favoritism towards males, as "equal on the surface, biased in the details" is a regular modus operandi of theirs.

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18 Apr 2015, 9:12 am

starkid wrote:

ToughDiamond wrote:

it's emotionally immature to call somebody emotionally immature.

No. There are multiple possible reasons for telling someone that she is immature; emotional immaturity is only one of them. Do not mix up an act and it's possible motivation.

I wasn't trying to be all that precise, just using a play on words to make my point. To put it another way, in general I think that calling people emotionally immature does no good and only invites contempt, even if there's some truth in the allegation, and I see such an allegation as a sign of emotional immaturity, because it's offensive and futile. But what I was mainly driving at was the idea of turning the allegation round on the donor, to weaken the "I'm OK, you're not OK" insinuation and to offer a bit of crafty rhetoric as ammunition for anybody who may receive such an allegation in the future. Do you have any examples of calling somebody emotionally immature that seem like emotional maturity?

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18 Apr 2015, 11:21 am

cavernio wrote:

kraftiekortie wrote:

You don't have to tell somebody, explicitly, that they are "immature."

All you have to do is suggest better ways to react to things which might seem "mature"--but, in reality, are merely "sensible."

If we're talking emotional immaturity, that's like telling someone who's highly sensitive to sound to stop paying attention to the sounds around them so that the sounds don't bother them.

That sounds like you are saying that people with emotional immaturity are not capable of handling it better.

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18 Apr 2015, 4:01 pm

cavernio wrote:

kraftiekortie wrote:

You don't have to tell somebody, explicitly, that they are "immature."

All you have to do is suggest better ways to react to things which might seem "mature"--but, in reality, are merely "sensible."

If we're talking emotional immaturity, that's like telling someone who's highly sensitive to sound to stop paying attention to the sounds around them so that the sounds don't bother them.

It's suggesting, not telling. If the suggestion can't be taken up, I think a mature person would venture to discuss the options again, if it was important.

I guess some of it could be cultural, but I think it's very often best to avoid negative labelling and focus on specific behaviours.

starkid
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18 Apr 2015, 4:21 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:

starkid wrote:

ToughDiamond wrote:

it's emotionally immature to call somebody emotionally immature.

No. There are multiple possible reasons for telling someone that she is immature; emotional immaturity is only one of them. Do not mix up an act and it's possible motivation.

I wasn't trying to be all that precise, just using a play on words to make my point.

It's not a matter of precision; it's a matter of accuracy. You and I are saying two different things, not similar things which differ by degree of precision.

Quote:

Do you have any examples of calling somebody emotionally immature that seem like emotional maturity?

No, because calling someone emotionally immature has no necessary connection to one's emotional maturity, just like I said in my previous comment. Enduring personality traits are not detectable in a single opinion. I have no reason to assume that "I'm ok, you're not ok," is being insinuated in general; I don't consider this "allegation" to be inherently offensive, etc., and even if I did assume those things, saying something objectionable on a single occasion is not enough evidence on which to judge the person saying them as emotionally immature.

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