What to do when people laugh about, dismiss your diagnosis

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I have only told family for this diagnosis and all have been supportive.

However, in the past with different diagnoses, many have laughed, dismissed, or vehemently denied them. (In the end, I don't think I actually had those diagnoses--so maybe, they were right...). But, it hurt a lot.

I think you have a couple choices when it happens:

-let them know their support is very important to you (they might not know) and that this is where you are in your journey and you would really appreciate their support
--if after that, they are still not supportive...you can kee your distance for a while

-decide that your opinion is the only one that matters and that their knowledge of both the diagnosis and you are limited--and they simply don't see where the dots connect. Then, choose to let it go.

-confide in less people

-stick to your actual symptoms, not the diagnosis. And in particular, the symptoms that bother you that are visible to them.




I would strongly recommend against posting on social media. Like I said above, the knowledge other people have is limited--both of Aspergers and of you. Not everyone will understand it. And their understanding plays no role in your diagnosis. And, because people will likely have incorrect assumptions after that post...it could have future personal or career ramifications in the future.

Why would I even tell people about my diagnosis in the first place?? I don't see any reason to broadcast the fact that I am an autistic all over creation. Also, if I do tell them and they don't believe it then why should I care?

I guess that to me, the diagnosis of autism is just a formality forced upon me by the powers that be, that I don't really care about. But I suppose that's it's more important to you guys.

This thread apparently also needs a "The Diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome has been completely removed from the DSM ever since its version V came out" response. Now for some information on Neurotypical-Syndrome...

screen_name, I feel that's really excellent advice.

Ban-Dodger -- I had a good chuckle at that Neurotypical Disorder page.

My really close friends accepted my diagnosis right away because they can see it in me. My family and more casual acquaintances were the deniers. The acquaintances, because they might not see it if I can hide it well, and my family because my diagnosis means they might be on the spectrum, too.

I have found that it is better to use the term 'autism' or 'Autism Spectrum Disorder' because people take it more seriously. Some people seem to think that Asperger's is a fake disorder that people claim to have so they can be seen as unique and interesting. I don't know where that idea came from.

If you want to tell your online following, I think that's great! I also think that you will get a better response if you make it personal and real, so people will see that it is genuine. No one would take you seriously if you were to say, "So I totally have Asperger's, because I don't like people or whatever, and also, I got these way cool new nerd glasses!" You'd probably get a ton of flames. But if you talk about real stuff, like how you felt when you first heard about ASD, if you were nervous about getting diagnosed and how it felt when you got the diagnosis, people will see that this is a real thing for you. You'll still get flames, because this is the Internet, but you appear to be able to handle those just fine. You'll probably get more drivel about how inspiring your story is, and 'thanks for being so brave' and that kind of meaningless garbage.

When I was diagnosed last year, I told my best friend/ex because I knew it would clear up a LOT of misunderstanding in regards to the things I did and, to a greater degree, the things I didn't do in our relationship. By the end of that conversation we were closer than ever. She had suggested I tell my brother, because he and she had conversations about my "quirks" that he really didn't understand, and after a while I did. His reaction was as if I told him I had a splinter in my toe, which is fine by me.

Now, before I proceed I feel a little bit of (condensed) back story is necessary: In the summer prior to my eighth grade school year, I ran away from home and anded up living with my grandmother, who is a rather sharp Adlerian psychotherapist. She knew I had issues in school and socially, but attributed them to growing up in a violent environment. She raised me up until I turned eighteen, and six months into my eighteenth year I was sent out on my own. She was more of a mother to me than my mother was in a very long time.

Fast forward to last year, after I told my brother of my diagnosis. I went to my grandmother's house with the intent of discussing my diagnosis with her, but, like with my brother, I had no idea how to broach the subject. As it turns out, we began discussing the correlation of an increase is diagnoses as reported in the media of a particular condition in children and the lack of identification and reporting in the past, and that certain conditions aren't necessarily affecting more children, people are better educated to identify symptomology. I gave the example of Asperger's Syndrome, being born in 1977 my parents had no idea to even consider that I might be autistic when I was growing up as the information about Asperger's was still very fresh and my parents were not exposed to what information was available. Well, her reaction was not entirely unexpected, but still grander than I could have anticipated. She went on a miniature tirade about how there is no such thing as Asperger's (and not because it was omitted from the DSM V), and how it was invented by researchers to be able to shuffle socially awkward kids into unnecessary "disabled status" when either they are just introverts or their parents didn't socialize them properly in early childhood, and that the vast majority of autism, ADHD, depression, et al diagnoses are false and diagnoses so as to perpetuate a profit-driven culture of palliative overmedication over actual treatment. Now, I may be largely oblivious to subtext, but I have read enough books on meta-communication and transactional analysis to know that it is probably best to end the conversation politely and leave my own diagnosis out of the equation.

My point is this: It would be solipsistic of me to have expected her respond as I would have had I been in her position, to have projected my own beliefs and expectations upon her. She is who she is and believes as she believes and that has nothing to do with me. For this I do not resent her or harbor any ill feelings. I am not her thinking. It is unfortunate that I feel I cannot share this part of my life with her, but to quote Walter Sobchack, "F*** it, dude". It's not worth making a big deal over when there is little to be gained and the probability of her seeing things the way I want her to is minimal.

It is up to you where you place your value in the relationships with the people with whom you share your diagnosis. You may find that it's not worth bringing up to certain people, and I find nothing wrong with that. If you do decide to share your diagnosis with certain individuals, understand a few things: ASD is widely misunderstood among Neurotypicals. It's not easy for them to empathize with a brain that is wired differently than theirs. When it comes to people who have known you for a long time, the first thing they are likely to do is compare your behavior to the image they have of people on spectrum, which is most likely whatever portrayals to which they have been exposed in the media, and the two will not match. Their thinking is that if you do not behave as they expect an autistic person to behave, then you must not be autistic. Their reaction/response has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. They are their own people with their own thoughts, beliefs, morals, and emotional maps and are free to be as such, just as you are. While it may be an undesirable outcome to not receive the support you were seeking/expecting, you ultimately decide the value of their reaction and how you are affected. Autism is yours to own, and once you do you become more impervious to the negative poppycock that you will encounter, and their reactions/remarks are theirs to own. Welcome to the club, yo. You're going to deal with it all your life. Might as well try finding the humor in their nonsense( Such as the "Neurotypical Syndrome bit mentioned earlier, that is priceless!). Finally, to play devil's advocate, you may later find that denial was just their initial reaction, and as they process the news they may become more of the support base you want them to be. Maybe they won't. One day at a time, just like the alcoholics.

Edit: You are not ASD. You are not your symptoms. If you can experience something, you are not that thing. Your symptoms and/or ASD are not your identity unless you adopt them as such. You are a person, just as enigmatic, deep, and worthy of your place on this planet as anyone else and no one can take that away from you without your permission. I may conceal my Asperger's at work for the sake of my career, but it has nothing to do with shame and by and large I am proud of who I am, what I have achieved, and I am proud to be a Rain Person.

Back when I was just a 12 year old ignorant child, I told my diagnosis to a nurse and I arguing with her because I was denying it. That was the very 1st and last time I ever revealed it in real life.

Now at this present, IF, people laugh about, dismissing my diagnosis: I'll just shake my head, take a deep breathe, and walk away from that person in particular and see if he or she would talk to me again.

If he/she didn't, especially if he/she's being particular about ignoring me, that means there's something happened likely from the disclosure. And I'll dismiss him/her as another stranger no matter how much I know this person.
Because it'll take most of my trust to disclose something like this from me.
If he/she does, talk to me (or at least still talks to me), it doesn't matter to me how he/she takes it, as long as that person doesn't treat me like a crap.

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I was just diagnosed today at age 42, Family kinda expected it.

If anyone did that to me, I'd probably just stare at them with great disdain, in a "You're not even worth the ground I'm walking on. And you believe I care what you think?" sort of way, like I used to do in highschool. And then without saying a word, walk off. Sometimes with an exasperated sigh just before.

I don't understand why people feel qualified to diagnose autism to the point of disagreeing with a specialist. If you told someone you had diabetes would they question that? Or say that everyone has a touch of diabetes? That would be ridiculous. But with mental illness everyone's an expert.

I think this is an example of ableism. It discounts the challenges that autistic people face. And also the autistic experience of the world. I think ableism is incredibly disrespectful as it comes out of an umcomfortableness with the disabled. As if the disorder is too unpleasant to acknowledge. Maybe this comes from fear or laziness, I'm not sure.

A lot of this is because people get their "education" from watching television !

It's more than just TV though. It's an instinct to marginalize difference. And an inability to see that one's experience is not universal.