ASDers: Which is worse, "Crazy" or "ret*d"?

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Thanks, everybody, for responding!!

When I started the poll, I couldn't decide which was worse. Everybody on here thought-BACK, to when they were in school, for instance, and when I did the same thing, I decided that *ret*d* was the worst, because crazy people could still be thought-of as FUN, creative, interesting people!

"Freak" bothers me more than either of the others. I've become de-sensitized to "ret*d" and "crazy" because they're both so,so often used in non-technical ways (for better or worse they've both come to mean "nonsensical" in common use - as in "that's ret*d" or "that's crazy", which is not a hurtful meaning to me) and I'm used to it and automatically take them in the least hurtful way when I hear or read them, but "freak" has always meant "wrong to such a horrific extent that people will pay money to come and stare at you because you're SO messed up that you're not even meant to exist and should truly be an exhibit in a circus... you probably shouldn't have been allowed to even live, honestly".

Just my opinion.

Last edited by LivingInParentheses on 15 Oct 2015, 8:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

There's good freaky and bad freaky. There's good crazy and bad crazy. There's good weird and bad weird.

ret*d is always bad. Never good.

To me, ret*d just means slowed down. My husband has a ret*d control box on his race car and it doesn't offend me whatsoever that they used that word.

Now, if the question is meant to be "which would hurt your feelings worse if someone called you it", then "ret*d" would be the one for me. But as far as offensive word choices go in general, I stick with freak personally.

edited to add: I just went back and re-read the opening post and see that the question is actually asking what do you dislike being called more. I have no idea how I misinterpreted that, or skipped over the most important point, or what happened there with my brain, but clearly I was wrong.

I still want to put in a dishonorable mention for being called a freak though. I've never been called that, where it was meant to be anything but hurtful.

There are times when something could be "freaky good."

How about "freak of nature?" That's sometimes used with a positive connotation. It's used with child prodigies and people excellent in sports.

I've had no contact with racing cars--so I don't know the sense of "ret*d" you've mentioned. Very enlightening, though.

Your avatar has the appropriate response: weakness is not tolerated, it must be culled from the collective. If no one else has "it" then "it" is individual and a threat to the collective therefore "it" must conform.

This is such an interesting conversation, and thread in general. I guess for me, the times I've had "freak" hhurled at me, it was never meant to be anything but hurtful and cruel. However, I've heard the phrases "that's ret*d" and "that's crazy" my entire life and used to use them myself prior to about 5 years ago, and always just emotionally associated those words with meaning "non-sensical" which is something that applies to everyone at some point in their life, and is a passing moment, unlike being born a "freak" with missing luimbs or other missing parts inside of you which make you be seen to the outside as damaged to the extent of being lucky to have been allowed to live. Maybe this is because of my knowledge of Freak Shows at circuses and things like that. When I was young and said "what do you mean you can't wear a halloween costume to school on halloween for the party? That's ret*d!" I always meant "that doesn't make sense" and I know from personal experience that I never meant it hurtfully, so I don't take it hurtfully either. But as an overly sensitive person my entire life I can't recall a time when I ever called a PERSON ret*d or crazy or a freak, so... yeah.

I'm grateful to have learned some years ago that some people are offended by that word so that I could stop using it in that way. We also used to say "well that's gay!" when something was non-sensical when I was a child in the early 80s, and someone else would generally reply "I know, it's ret*d!" and a third might chime in, "wow, that is so crazy!". It was just something people said. I didn't know better.

I wish to send out a global apology at this time for having been so naive as a child.

I'm sorry.

PS - for the third time now I'm going to attempt to edit this to say "here's a link to a ret*d control module for anyone who is interested" (it keeps throwing me to the security verification page and then putting me back to the edit box then security captcha again, then edit again, but will not post.):

http://www.msdignition.com/Products/RPM ... ntrol.aspx

Last edited by LivingInParentheses on 15 Oct 2015, 9:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

I've never been called ret*d, but I've been treated as if I were often enough. Usually by people who were themselves not very bright, and viewed any eccentricities as a sign of stupidity.
"Crazy" is usually a word used by azzhats to describe people who frighten them. I like my azzhats scared because it makes them more likely to leave me alone, so I don't really mind that word.

Sorry for what? You have nothing to apologize for.

Gay, before the mid 1970s, meant "happy" to a mainstream audience. There are lots of popular song lyrics which use the word "gay" in that sense. A gigantic hit from 1956 had the lyrics: "Why do birds sing-ing so gay?"

After about 1975 or so, it was used almost exclusively to mean male homosexual.

I've been called a freak, weird, spastic, crazy.

I've never been called ret*d to my face, but one girl told me once that when she first met me she thought I was ret*d (not meaning an insult), before she got to know me.

I think no matter what the word is, saying to anyone "You're such a __________!" or "You're so _______________!" (fill in the blank negative word) is horrible. I've never heard freak, weird, spastic, crazy, or ret*d used at the ends of these sentences in a positive way. Words like lame, stupid, idiot, and moron also fall into this category.

Usually when these words are directed at people, they are being used as insults. When these words are directed at things, they can have different meanings, some positive but mostly negative.

I have taught my kids to never use words like these to describe a person (and to be cautious using these words in other settings ie. in regards to things/ideas.) Persons are PERSONS, and all persons deserve to be treated with dignity and respect because they are human. I don't care who they are. Don't tear a person down. End of lesson.

For me to use a word like "gay" or "autistic" or whatever as if it is an insult is wrong, which is why I felt the need to apologize to the world in general for having not known better as a child.

If I saw a sign that said "no dogs allowed in the dog park" as a kid I would've probably said "well that's gay!" but meant "well that's stupid!"... that seems wrong for me to have done, just as if I'd have said "well that's autistic!"

As long as you acknowledge it as an insult once you learn it's an insult, then you are "in the clear." I think any reasonable person would accept this acknowledgement.

There was no intention to do wrong; hence, no apology needed.

You could say that you feel bad for unintentionally insulting somebody.

Of course, I'm probably just harping on semantics LOL

Which I like... I tend to be the same way! LOL

(I suppose my attempt to over-explain myself and apologize points back to my always being misunderstood, which is probably just an aspie thing. Still growing into my diagnosis.)

I used to like to watch the Indy 500 when guys like Foyt, Unser, and Andretti dominated.

You must have grown up with interesting people who used language in an interesting manner.

I grew up around people who used language conventionally (alas!)

The tone and implication is what makes the insult, even more than the actual word. I have been affectionately called a "ret*d" and because i knew it was a joke and the person loved me it did not insult me. I have been called "crazy" (by the same person, actually) at a time when he was totally not understanding where my reactions were coming from. I was having an autistic meltdown and panic attacks; he could not see the world through my eyes and told me I was literally crazy and meant it. I know it looked like that to him and i could not articulate what was going on in my head well enough to make him understand. At other times like this he still calls me crazy; and now, even if he means it affectionately, there is an edge to it. That goes through me like a knife. "ret*d" i can take because i know that whatever else i am, i am intelligent and I have never have anyone call me truly stupid or ret*d and mean it. I think the insult is in the edge to the words, the history behind them, and the misunderstanding--when they can't see through our eyes and don't care enough to try. Just my 2 cents.

"ret*d" (mentally ret*d) used to be an actual diagnosis. However, like other former diagnoses, such as cretin and moron, it fell into disfavor due to its being used in a derogatory way (indeed, today it's hard to even type those words without cringing) as well as being difficult sometimes to pin down (just HOW "delayed" is the person? Delayed as compared to whom? As compared to average intellect? As compared to genius intellect? Academically or in common everyday use? As compared to other people with IQs under 70? Etc.).

"ret*d" was given a bullying nickname, however, specifically, "ret*d," which forever tainted the word ret*d - which simply means, in its literally definition, slowed/slowed down/delayed/limited in some way (and was never limited to human beings or living creatures of any description for that matter; for example, flame retardant).

I wouldn't mind being called "ret*d" as it would be easy for me to disprove. I'm not intellectually delayed. I do mind the fact that people calling other people delayed in one derogatory way or another makes describing ACTUALLY intellectually delayed individuals problematic, and that p*sses me off. My son is intellectually delayed and I even get gasps and judgmental pull-backs from calling him that (when people ask - I mean it's not like I parade him around town informing perfect strangers who are minding their own business, "My son is intellectually delayed"). All the more difficult is the fact that he's autistic AND intellectually delayed so when someone asks, I have a choice of either being really awkward and saying "He's autistic and intellectually delayed, there's a difference but my son happens to be both...or have both, whichever phrase is less offensive to you..." or just saying, "Sod off, I don't have time to explain my life to you" or just smile and say nothing and move on. The challenges of having challenges.

Nasty people ruin things for everyone and even force new language and new descriptions due to their strange desire to taint everything, it really is annoying.

Now, as far as being called crazy, that would probably be more of a trigger for me, because how could I disprove that? Indeed, if I stumble over myself attempting to explain how not-crazy I am, I'll likely sound even crazier.



Most people don't call me either, though, even at my very weirdest. Interesting question, OP.