People Obsessions VS Love

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I have people obsessions. Some last for a few weeks, others for years (longest one for about 6). The only way to get a particular person out of my mind is to find somebody new to think about. I also find I can barely ever interact with them at all, I can't speak to them or hold eye contact. It only gets worse if they show interest in me. So either they don't notice me or they think I'm a nutcase.

I think my parents have a people obsession with me. How do I know? I have fewer freedoms than some 18-year-olds I know (and I'm 24). My parents use the term "we care about you", but to me, that translates into well... we each have our own term for this. As a result, I was never close to my parents, and even now, when I'll be moving out into my own apartment soon, I don't have much of a desire to make up with them. Obviously, I'll still have to talk to them, unless I move to Israel or something (and I see it as a very real possibility), but it'll be like a divorce, rather than a parents/grown child relationship.

Why Israel?
* I've been there before, and I loved it.
* Being Jewish, I can get automatic citizenship there.
* Legal prostitution! Whoo-hoo!
* Hottest women in the world.
* Mellow, aspie-tolerant culture.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 09 May 2007, 11:07 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I do that too, I get obsessed with people and then lose that obsession. I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year and theres days I'll wake up and not wanna be with him and then the next day its like omgosh don't leave my side. I never understood it at all. The first like 4-6months of my relationship was just basically being there with him just because he said he wanted to date me, I just wanted somebody to call and stuff. Then all of a sudden I was like head over heels for the kid, I thought maybe it was because I finally just started liking him, so I decided to stay with him, but after like 4 months I lost it again, I like tried to break up with him like 4 times, but he refused and said he doesn't want to give up on me. Now Its almost like every other day I like him, I don't know what it is. I get mad at him for the simplist things and I hate it, because he always wants hugs and wants to hold me, and I'm always pushing him away and he thinks it cute, and I'm like nooo let me go seriously yea know.

I hope I don't do this. I think to an extent I may, but I'm not sure if it would be an AS thing, or just a normal infatuation thing that passes (the being in love with the idea of being in love thing is pretty normal, I guess).

Unfortunately I haven't really had enough relationships to know for sure. I *THINK* I do love an ex-girlfriend, but it was (sort-of) her that dumped me, so who knows. But I think that's more than just an obsession.

The girl I dated last year...I don't know. There's nothing wrong with her, but I do think part of that was just that I was happy to be dating. Since I never actually go anywhere where I can meet women, and never know what to say, or how to ask someone out, and don't really know the mechanics of dating, it'll probably be half a decade before I date anyone (Plus I'm embarrased by my relatiavely low salary and things like that. The girl I dated last year has just finished college and made as much as me in her first job, and kind of made a big deal about that...actually that's another problem I have with dating. It's expensive, and really I like stuff like that's cheaper, like watching stuff at home, playing games, etc....and most girls probably want to go out all the time )

Okay, done rambling.

It does sound like it to me. I'm really happy for you that this time seems different!

I have recently gone through something similar with my girlfriend of three months...Things got pretty serious and every little thing became enormous...after a couple of nearly disasterous fights we decided to slow things down and not move in with each other until we have become completely sure about the idea and use to each others personallities...

We seem to both be very affecionate people and we love to touch and hold each other for hours on end...When we are in bed and she pulls away from me i sometimes get upset and think harsh thoughts about not being with her....
i am sure we love each other which is why i always think about it seriously before ever saying anything regarding my random emotions about being with her....there are days i think shes psycho and cant be around her but there are also days when we embrace each other without a use for words and these days outweigh any conflict which he may have.... i think thats just apart of relationships..the good and the bad..as long as your honest with yourself and your partner i think you will be on the right track

I think this has just happened to me for the first time. I dated a girl for 10 months, and all of a sudden I no longer worshiped her. I broke off the relationship quite suddenly. Although I miss her, I found that the last month or so, I had to pretend to enjoy being around her. So I figured that it wasn't fair on her, so I broke it off. She told me a number of times that things seemed perfect - probably because I made sure she was always placed above myself - I made sure she had a good time.

My first (and so far only) people obsession was with my best friend. I would call her all the time, follow her around and try to get as physically close to her as possible.

Long story short, I wrote her a love letter which bothered her a great deal. We had two big fights and the friendship was over. I was in a lot of emotional pain for a couple of years. I'm pretty much over her now, so it's safe to say that time heals all wounds even when it doesn't feel that way.

I'm just scared I'll get hurt again if I get another people obsession.

I can relate to this. Sometimes my obsessions with people would only last a very short amount of time, other times it would last longer. Usually I would get bored and go onto something else.

I became obsessed with someone I met on the internet 8 years ago, and he was also obsessed with me. So, 3 years ago we started dating and now we're like an old married couple with 6 cat children. I don't think I'm obsessed with him like I was - I think it's real love at this point.

Congratulations!

For a long time I stood obsessed with naked women, but not one of them, their hole colectivity. But once I wrote a Long (over 1000 verses) poem to them, and since them, my obsession ended, what I don't know if is good or not.

^^ I could have written all of that myself!! ! Yes, I definitely obsess over people. On one hand I think it's quite normal to obsess when you're in love and certainly anyone I ever met does, but I think us Aspies do it in a different way. It is almost like a thing obsession and when you get too close, the obsession dies.

Still, even NTs don't stay in love forever so don't feel too weird. The infatuation period really is meant to end, and if you've picked the right person the idea is that after the "in love" part is over, you have something else to work with. I'm a bit like you though, the idea of being a crazy cat lady is looking pretty good...

My people obsessions are usually with celebrities, and therefore harmless.

That was like reading parts of my life story from other peoples perspective. I have had people obsessions since forever. When I actualy became interested in girls, I used to write to female penpals from from mums' church. I was realy hopeless at talking to them in person. Then things moved on, - just a series of disasterous relationships, as my obsessions changed from one girlfriend to another. I hate to admit it, but I have never suffered with any form of conscience over dumping them. (just self pity when I got dumped, cured by someone else to obsess over) Around the same time that I was first told I had AS, that I was only in love with the idea of love. It makes me wonder if I realy know what it feels like to be in love, rather than be infatuated/obsessed with someone, like an on/off switch. I love my current partner I' sure, but she intends to go and work abroad on a permanent basis; if she said 'I'll be going in a month' I won't be upset, I know its comming. I feel like a fraud when I respond that I love her.

Crazy cat lady has the right idea...