Can Anyone Explain this Phenomenon?

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MissAlgernon
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07 Mar 2016, 6:43 am

StarTrekker wrote:

It's interesting that you should mention that. Frequently people have triggered my violent sound-sensitive startle reaction deliberately, just to watch me jump and freak out (happened today as it happens) and I really hate it. It makes me feel like they're bullying me, even though I know they just think it's funny, and don't understand how distressing it really is. It bothers me because they're essentially pushing my buttons to get a response that is a result of my disability, and they just don't get it.

I know what you mean. They know that I can't bear being touched which makes people obsessed with touching me, because it's apparently so funny to make someone scream or freeze from sensory overload :roll:

I'm aware that they don't intend to be mean, so they obviously don't realize what they're doing, or otherwise they'd stop doing that. If only there were explanations that could be given to people, something clear enough to make them truly understand how the other side feels and that no, sensory overload is neither cute nor funny.

Aspie1
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07 Mar 2016, 7:23 am

This thread is making me angry at NTs! This whole laughter thing is just disgusting. Before people stopped laughing at me talking, this is the comeback I used: "You know, laughter is one letter away from a slaughter." (slightly raising my voice at the end of the sentence) That resulted in more dropped jaws than laughing. I guess people really don't want to be a slaughterer, even toward an aspie they look down their nose on. Basically, I beat them at their own NT game.

Why such harsh attitude?. I view all laughter as intentionally malicious, unless I'm certain otherwise beyond all doubt. Those of you who still get laughed at "because you just are", you can use this Russian proverb for self-defense: "Laughter without a reason is a sign of stupidity." (It's not a laughing culture over there, although far from aspie-friendly, either.)

kraftiekortie
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07 Mar 2016, 9:09 am

I don't mind it if people laugh WITH me, not AT me.

obsessingoverobsessions
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07 Mar 2016, 12:02 pm

Wow, is this my secret twin saying this?!

Just kidding, but this actually happens to me all the time, and it is very annoying.

It even makes me upset at times, because it feels like they're not taking me seriously.

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obsessingoverobsessions
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07 Mar 2016, 12:08 pm

Aspie1 wrote:

Thank you so much for this! I will definitely say this next time it happens to me (which is very often).

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StarTrekker
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07 Mar 2016, 2:57 pm

obsessingoverobsessions wrote:

Exactly! That's often how I feel about it too, that they're so busy laughing because what I said is dorky or endearing, that they're not actually listening to what I said, and it feels like they think all my comments are just an aside for comedic effect, like "the funny character" in movies, and have no actual value.

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nerdygirl
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07 Mar 2016, 2:57 pm

Aspie1 wrote:

There are different kinds of laughter, however, and all laughter should NOT be interpreted as malicious. If you interpret a light-hearted chuckle as malicious, you would be in the wrong. This is one of those things like learning body language. Different things mean different things. You can't judge all laughter this way. You will create more social barriers for yourself. It would be good to try and figure out which kind of laughter is which.

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07 Mar 2016, 3:01 pm

StarTrekker wrote:

obsessingoverobsessions wrote:

You have a choice, then. Get upset about the laughter, or take it for what it is. A light-hearted chuckle that signifies that you are liked and accepted. Getting all in a tizzy about it, however, is going to change that mentality and get you not accepted eventually. If something is that important, say it again.

How many times do Aspies space out and not get instructions? They want others to be patient with them. Show the same patience towards those who are laughing for no "good" reason.

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07 Mar 2016, 3:12 pm

I quickly followed suit, and descending into the bar-room accosted the grinning landlord very pleasantly. I cherished no malice towards him, though he had been skylarking with me not a little in the matter of my bedfellow. However, a good laugh is a mighty good thing, and rather too scarce a good thing; the more's the pity. So, if any one man, in his own proper person, afford stuff for a good joke to anybody, let him not be backward, but let him cheerfully allow himself to spend and be spent in that way. And the man that has anything bountifully laughable about him, be sure there is more in that man than you perhaps think for.

http://etcweb.princeton.edu/batke/moby/moby_005.html

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StarTrekker
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07 Mar 2016, 5:19 pm

Hmm, maybe you're right Darmok, maybe I should just let it go and let them laugh. If they mean it kindly, so much the better, if not, well, their opinion is not one I would put much stock in anyway.

naturalplastic
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07 Mar 2016, 5:31 pm

Yigeren wrote:

This happens to me often. Usually with men. I am small, and baby-faced. And apparently I say things in a strange manner. It is partially my vocabulary, partially the unusual way in which I structure sentences, partially my tone of voice, and partially my blunt/direct manner of speaking. It throws people off, I think. Also I tend to use strange metaphors and suddenly switch topics without warning.

My guess is that men who find me attractive and others who like me think it's "cute" and that everyone else probably finds it to be odd or annoying. Actually, now that I think about it, grown women say this to me too, sometimes. I guess they must think I'm very young, but I don't know.

Anyway, I usually have no idea why what I said was cute, and the answer I get is usually "it just is." Or I get "You're so cute." I ask "Why?" and the response, "You just are."

Probably this^.
The OP probably says things in odd unique ways. Thats why folks call her "cute". That in conjuction with being a young female who is also visually cute. Maybe the things she says are insightful.

If the OP can remember specific things that she said that provoked that reaction we might be able explain why what says comes off as odd.

kraftiekortie
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07 Mar 2016, 7:27 pm

I don't sense that the people in the cake-icing section mean StarTrekker any harm.

I wish I were there to see what's going on there.

But StarTrekker strikes me as a nice person--and probably cute besides.

I would agree that I would want to be listened to, though, and not just thought of as being "cute."

Yigeren
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07 Mar 2016, 7:34 pm

She strikes me as a highly intelligent and often serious person, and I am guessing that she probably would like to be taken more seriously and respected for those qualities. I think sometimes small women in general do have trouble being taken seriously and thought of as mature adults, only because they often appear to be younger.

kraftiekortie
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07 Mar 2016, 7:38 pm

Yeah...I know what you mean.

I'm a short man, and I'm not often taken seriously.

In fact, I'm the Court Jester of the office.

Yigeren
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07 Mar 2016, 7:42 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

Yeah...I know what you mean.

I'm a short man, and I'm not often taken seriously.

In fact, I'm the Court Jester of the office.

I never thought about it applying to men as well. I'll have to try to take notice to see if short men are not taken seriously. I know that they are often not respected as much as taller men.

kraftiekortie
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07 Mar 2016, 7:46 pm

I do feel we have to assert our rights in some way---but it has to be done Kraftily :wink:

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